Friday, April 29, 2011

I will stab you with your insulin pen.

George bersama gitarnya. now playing: Love comes to everyone. Thank you Georgie for the song!

There is time when I can foresee future me sit alone and gather dust while watching weekly race. May be with sugarless lemony drink in my hand.

Be my Gatsby, and join me. Mahu?

photo: Google.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Note To Self.

Ini George masa muda. Love this photo, ini baru hipster superstar. RIP Georgie!.

Wahai diri sendiri sila lah fokus. Kau asyik berfikir-fikir sampai termimpi-mimpi itu bahaya ok. Sudah jangan lah berfikir-fikir lagi kembali lah kau ke pangkal jalan. Jalan yang lurus yang sudah ada tangga untuk di panjat lagi diredhai.

p/s: You are not the road not taken. Be patience, I'll ask.

p/s/s: kepada diri sendiri, be patience and FOCUS.

photo: Google

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

180 degrees

Super love this photo. Especially George.

1. Tulis 2-3 ayat tapi delete. Sekarang post lebih kepada whiny atau jiwang. Jiwang post makes me puke.

2. Esok kerja luar lagi.

3. I didnt like texting by using my phone. But recently since everything is flipping 180 degrees or so, I do like texting with my phone. Must be the awesome qwerty keypad or may be because of You.

4. Everything is soooo tunggang langgang, I dont care much about science recently. Kind of creepy, like very creepy. So I decided to read scientific journal again. Just to gain back the momentum.

5. I need to stay focus. Hopefully I wont browse Tupperware catalog anytime soon. Yeah sekarang these petty things I usually (used to) hate agak menarik, the furniture, the bed linen. Homaigod... I minat mau beli cadar? What happen? I think cadar is fine, but once I try to order Tupperware or kitchen utensils, please save me.

And someone keep on asking me about household stuffs. Dude, I serve my food on pinggan percuma beli ubat gigi, or cawan percuma beli milo tin besar. Mind you I even drive whatever car available in the garage. I dont know which type couch suitable for what kind of space. And if you ever ask me about curtain, I pengsan.

I let my sisters bought my kain baju and tudungs, even my stokin. Stokin ok!. I sleep on a bed with a brick (yes batu bata merah buat rumah) supporting the main frame.

And you value my opinion on sofa set? err... are you sure?

6. My magazines are finally arrived. Fuhh~

Confession of a Whiny

1. Dropped my phone on the gravels. Hence, scratched the screen.

2. Heavy cough. I've been coughing so hard every night since last thursday. Super irritating.

3. Lost focus. Damn!.

4. Cant stop thinking about this particular someone.

5. Feel like bitch slapping myself.

6. I should buy myself a single ring. As a symbol of commitment or whatever-fuck-even-I-cant-comprehend-but-still-I-want-the-fucking-ring to plan I have made and hope I have give to my love ones.

Monday, April 25, 2011

You wont read this. That's why I post it.

We both lost our best friend. The one who bridged us in the most special way people and us even couldnt comprehend. Sadly we talk less about him now. Deep down I dont want to share what I feel, and of course I assume you dont want to share yours. For I couldnt even talk about him with dry eyes.

Somehow may be we managed to mourn separately for him.

I have lost one. Almost let another slipped through my fingers.

Just hold on there. Hold on. As long as you can. I promise to fight for it even if it is a losing battle and powdered my fingers well so nothing will slip through them.

Easter Weekend

1. Went to Pulau Manukan and Mamutik.

2. Went to shopping malls (wojib).

3. Went to jimba with friends, since everyone is getting engaged, married the happy bunch mesti berjimba sekerap yang boleh. Before we take separate ways.. for good.

4. Introduced (err.. sort of lah kan..walaupun entah apa2, kelam kabut sangat2 rushing dari island hopping) Razman to the happy bunch. And the bunch made quick assumption, we are student and teacher, or research collaborator. If I knew the theory beforehand I would keep it that way. Sebab it sounds very close. We are friends since like 2003, surprisingly the happy bunch know nothing about him?

5. First time pigi terminal bus Inanam.

6. First time pergi KKTimesSqLalu depan Sabah Institute of Art. Cantik2 artwork mereka. Stop by di butik mothercare? because it is the only shop open kot? Plus he wanted to buy something. I tengok2 saja lah... nothing suit my need or taste or my heart even.


Expect more weddings and engagements. Yeah.. more and more and more. Tahniah to Dibah & Wan, Zati & pasangan atas perkahwinan anda yang bakal menjelang tiba. Wan fulfills promise he made 4 (or 5) years ago to marry Dibah by 2011.

Engagements, only one buat announcement (err... more like Facebook leak). Expect more to come lah kot? eh?

2011 is getting exciting or rather surprising... started pretty well.. so far so ok. Nothing much different, but compare to my roller coaster years in 2008 to first half of 2010, 2011 is much much better.

Travel wise, Started with KL (first time since my graduation), Kudat is always in my wish list, so do Ranau, dua2 sudah pergi for this year, of course the long awaited Sandakan. And another long awaited Islands hopping (especially Manukan). All done!

Sandakan and Island hopping were done within 2 weeks. *pat my own shoulder*.

Sandakan is extra special, sebab all of sudden peluang fell on my lap. Walaupun masa untuk bekerja keras dan terpaksa mengharung long hours bus ride siap landslides drama bagai :).

May be Ranau again. Ya, I like Ranau. And please, another sunrise watching in Kudat. Super love it.

Explore My Own Backyard Project (jalan2 sekitar Sabah) ialah plan selepas graduasi pada tahun 2007. 2011 baru nampak plan ni gerak perlahan2.

Kita bulatkan tekad, kita kukuhkan azam. Cambodia! (2015 or earlier).

p/s: I like the small little thing you said, even may be you didnt mean it the way I wished you to. Keep it simple and open, when the time comes the whole universe will conspire to make it happen. Just like my Explore My Own Backyard Project lah... plan 2007, 2011 baru lah project nampak berkembang sikit.

Friday, April 22, 2011

I dreamed of iPad. It was a nightmare.

Ini bukan iPad. Ini iOrangTuaMasihMaintainWalauAnakSudah3.

Wrinkled face of David. I still like to watch his face. Even I dont like him as much as I used to. Ya kamurang may harp on his keturunan yang yahudi 25% itu. I do like his slick shiny hair and his unshaven face a.k.a after 5 look a.k.a Californian executive look. And of course his wedding band.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dont let your feeling clouded your judgement

It is important to be a good professional scientist. And a good person who benefits others.

p/s: I promise, when the time comes, I wont wait for you. I'll ask.

#now playing

Marry me- Train
Never leave this bed- Maroon 5

Sunday, April 17, 2011


1. I keep on thinking about this particular someone. It's been a week. I dont feel comfortable but I dont hate it.

2. Anyway on unrelated development, relationship between me and my parents and family is a relationship I value the most. Any other relationships I have in future shall have less impact with the former.

3. Lately I've been so melancholic well may be a little bit.

4. He took 2 days off from work and endured 3 hours bus ride so we could meet each other. Turned out, I was so occupied with works, and left him waiting. Thankfully managed to meet for a quick dinner, and he joined me back to the lodge. Instead of catch up story with him, I left him alone because I was so exhausted and barely opened my eyes. He did call me at 11.30pm but I was already drifted into sweet slumber. The next morning, he left while I was in the shower (yes, enough to make me feel guilty and disgusting at the same time). I talked to him, so we set another meeting sometimes next week.

Throughout 7 years knowing each other, I think, except the first year we only spent like 4 hours a year together. If we are lucky, kadang2 tidak jumpa sampai almost 2 tahun. Usually susah gila nak jumpa and sentiasa ada halangan. Once, he and his friends drove like 6 to 8 hours but we just met for like 1 hour. So last week, when multiple landslides blocked the route, I wasnt surprised, after a while I get used with such gauntlet.

Looking forward to spend long easter weekend with him, may be I'll introduce him to my girls.

And thanks for the gift :) and for kindly wrapped it in a box. So thoughtful. (Unlike me, yang kalau bagi hadiah main campak with plastics shopping tu pun kalau bagi).

p/s: get well soon to bapa, steady my big boss. You'll be just fine. Love you. Pray for you speed recovery!.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Marriage Approving Mood.

If you read my previous posts (I dont remember which one) you would know I am not a marriage approving person, but I am not totally against marriage either. Just I dont fancy the idea of marriage or being married.

I hate wedding for real, yes. I. Hate. Wedding. Nowadays, wedding is an extravagant event where the couple and sometimes parents spend big chunk of fortune to make it happen. Sometimes, I think big wedding is just an event where the couple seek a public approval for having sex. But of course they want to make it like it is a Big Deal!. Seriously, in 2011 Malaysian, especially Malay folks (well.. I am Malay by federal constitution definition) still joking with childish giggles about first night at the wedding. People have sex, so do cockroaches. So get over it.

Back to marriage.

All of sudden this week I am in marriage approving mood. Soon after I came back from Sandakan, I heard one of us is engaged. And I was wow.. tumpang gembira, clapping in my heart, and spamming facebook with my happy wishing well posts. In short I was sooo approving and supporting without even care with whom, and ditch all those typical doubt and questions.

Yes, what's wrong? I dont know, what I do know is, this 180 degrees turn will makes one of my close allies rolls her eyes, with of course some words, chanting into my eardrum and make me eat my own words.

The keyword here is, sabar. As this mood can be temporary and with one week life span.

Even though I am in marriage approving mood, I still think I am not suitable for this kind of relationship. For once, this week (thankyouverymuch long hour bus ride!) I think I can commit to a long term relationship, with the same person. Just it shall happen without marriage. Yes, I can stand long term relationship, even long distance one (even though this is a gauntlet task to do).

I do enjoy meaningless lunch-date spree with different younger boys. At the same time I always have eyes for the sweetest apple in the barrel and make no effort to cover it up. Now I think I am willing leave all these fun behind and start a first step to a more serious (read: boring) lifestyle.

Boleh kah?

Blow your worry away, I am not that liberal to shack up like what rockstars always did with their playmate girlfriends. Hell no. Kau nak kena sembelih? haha.

Suffice to say, my marriage approving mood can be define as I am supporting a long term relationship with a same person without marriage. Which is in contrast with my usual view, "why commit to one if you can enjoy responsible free lunch dates with younger boys".

p.s: congratulation to virtual jentayu.

Post Trip

Whoa what a week. First time to Sandakan, sangat rushing, I was like a step mother from hell. Yelling and all to my students to prevent any further delay because we were already behind schedule. Macam pusing satu Sandakan except the town area.

Masa bertolak landslides along Kundasang-Ranau Road. Bad road condition along Ranau-Telupid-Beluran. We reached our hostel at 10 pm. With some teriak and maki, finally my students dapat katil masing2. Rehat. Tuesday was hectic like entah apa2. Kesian lah my kids and pemandu bas memang penat. Batu Sapi road wasnt helping either. Kawasan kilang jalan raya berlubang macam swimming pool. Dey YBs please lah pilihan raya dah nak dekat ni, fix the damn road!. Wednesday went to Labuk Bay. Tak tahu begitu jauh. Bertolak balik around 2.00 pm. Singgah pit stop di Batu 32. Damn, last time I was there when I was 6 or 7. Yeah, some 20 years ago. Same old dusty Batu 32. Banyak lagi pit stops, finally reached KK around 12.30 am. I balik rumah 1 pagi. 6.30 am next morning pergi kerja.


Managed to had dinner with Razman. Detail later.

Next time I'll fly to Sandakan. Bus ride is simply painful.

Balik dari Sandakan, sambung pula kerja2 domestik. And I was with my kids sampai jumaat. Jumaat reached my boiling point of kesabaran senipis kulit bawang. They were late for the next lawatan. Aku kena cari sampai hostel, lepas tu sekor2 tak reti nak tunggu kat bustop, ada yang di cafe, ada di kedai fotostet, ada baru turun bilik, yang masih dalam bilik pun ada. I was naik hantu, rasa macam nak carik2 sekor2. Kesian juga, sebab bukan semua yang buat hal, like half of class are good, the rest naik lemak. Tapi I pukul rata maki semua sekali.

Kesian. But hey.. I have schedule to follow, you nak buat hal memandai2 bagai memang nak kena maki. Memang aku marah sungguh2 kau nak kena carut, aku boleh carut sampai lusa.

Ada juga try nak buat muka kurang ajar. You mess with me, you mess with the best. Kalau mak bapak kau sebelahkan kau, dengan mak bapak kau aku carut. Try lah, I'll give you the best of my worst.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Off to Ranau and Sandakan

I am going to Ranau and Sandakan from 11-13 April, field tripping. First time to Sandakan, and planning to meet my buddy there and may be introduce him to my students.

Besok nak jalan sekarang baru gelabah transfer gambar lama berkurun dari kamera ke laptop. klassik!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Sibuk berkicau dialam maya

Mentang mentang ligat twit, sejuk blog tak bersentuh. Novel2 pun sejuk juga, entah bila lah nak sentuh balik. I feel heavy, berat badan naik kot? eh.. entah. Takut nak timbang. Tapi sekarang hard to breath, tak tau lah. Nak kata kenyang, makan seadanya tadi, actually I cut down food uptake. Lunch kuih, pagi mi kantin sebungkus, and drink tea and plain water, malam kadang2 makan nasi, tapi berazam nak mengelak nasi. Avoiding milked drink. Walaupun teh susu tu memang sukar ditewaskan dugaannya. Kebetulan minggu ni hari ni meeting and visiting like hari hari, lepas tu konfem ada minum2 sikit. Yeah.. sejak isnin kot.

Aku dah pindah bilik ofis, pergh..merasa juga lah lenguh walaupun sekadar pindah different wing kan. Kunci bilik lama lepas balik dari outstation aku pulangkan. Minggu depan outstation isnin-rabu.

Malas nak tengok tv waktu pilihanraya ni. Bosan sangat sangat. Penat lah wei dah masuk 3 tahun dah cerita pilihanraya politik tak habis. Lepas pilihanraya, lompat parti, gaduh di DUN, pilihanraya kecil, kes liwat, kes video lucah, kes kuali kat gerai orang di Penang dirampas penguatkuasa. Bodoh.

Apa nak buat we have rapist, sexist, racist, porn star, boy lover, father, son and son in law as the lawmakers. Jadi sarkas. Siapa yang undi? kita juga. Ni bukan pasal BN, PKR, PAS DAP ntah apa haromjaddah, ni pasal kita keep on wasting energy on benda bukan2. Punggung siapa yang kena liwat ni? punggung pengundi, tak kisah lah kau undi PKR or Umno or BN whatever. Semua pun macam sama harom.

Hey TV3, cukup lah korang belasah Anwar Berahim tu, jangan kacau isteri anak dia boleh tak? Memang lah isteri anak dia politicians juga, tapi agak agak lah wei. Azizah is stronger than Anwar. Tak kisah lah Anwar betul atau salah. Tapi korang tiada belas kasihan kah? Dah lah hasben dia ada kes itu ini, lagi kau asak dia tanya mana jam omega lah, apa lagi entah. Kalau nak kutuk suami dia tu aku tak kisah, biasalah politik. Tapi suami ni pun satu, prone lah nak drag bini dan anak untuk kepentingan diri.

Semua pun tamak kan kuasa. Moga kita semua diberikan kekuatan dan dilindung ALLAH SWT untuk menghadapi semua mess ini.

Speak about TV3, aku tengok bersamamu minggu ni. Kesian sungguh keluarga tu, masa penggambaran bersamamu, anak mereka meninggal dunia setelah menghidap kanser. Kesian dengan anak yang meninggal tu, dia baru 15 years old. Mak dia memang sabar, so did the father. Tak boleh nak bayang lah hati ibu macam mana bila anak meninggal. Semoga ALLAH SWT mencucuri rahmat kepada roh arwah dan semoga ALLAH SWT memberikan kesabaran kepada ibu bapa dan keluarga arwah.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

try to have a celibate mind

errr.. there are 2 things i hate to hear from a married man. First, his wife's weakness. Second, the confession of his previous sins. I simply hate the first, since it is a prick thing to do. Second, what good can you get from me for confessing? salvation? I cant offer you any dude. Pretentious fucks are trying their very best to be themselves, which is being prententious. I better let the nature takes her part, and i wont stop those suckers for beinG pretentious, nor will i stop them for being bunch of idiots.Things are pretty much messed up lately. may be i'll delete this post later.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa

Biasa biasa sahaja. Ini tahap kebencian dan kesukaan aku sama level masa aku tengok Solomon Kane. Dah basi dah.. tapi I nak review juga.


1. Line Kemawas, "Mengintai dibawah tudung saji" "Empangan yang sudah dibuka masakan dapat ditahan airnya". Masa aku tengok wayang ada 1-2 rows budak SM Sains Sabah (mereka pakai tshirt sekolah) tengok sekali. They were woofing masa dialog ni dituturkan and some hormonal giggles. Masa dah habis tengok bukan main lagi meratib2 lah anak2 baru akil baligh ini akan dialog si Kemawas. Walaupun line ini tak se cult "Tipah Tertipu" atau Nyonya Mansor's "Ala Kassim" tapi kira memorable lah juga.

2. Khir Rahman

3. Puteri Cina

4. Watak Geruda dan Jentayu. Olahan yang bijak menamakan Lanun sebagai Geruda dan Jentayu kapal Merong. Sebab kalau tiba2 cerita ni pasal Merong menentang burung mistik zaman hindu kuno lagi lebat kutuk dan kontroversi (?).

5. Goa scene.

6. Shirtless Stephen Rahman

7. Ada Narrator. Bagi aku penting untuk wayang macam ni untuk ada watak Narrator. Bijaknya Narrator pula ialah Pra Ong Mahawangsa, keturunan Merong.


1. Setiap kali Stephen Rahman bercakap. Geram aku. Ini bukan masalah penguasaan bahasa ini masalah gaya penyampaian yang minta dicekik. Cis.. perosak betul. Adakah patut tanya orang yang terang2 parang tercacak di dada "Sakit?". Ok, to be fair, ini bukan salah Stephen Rahman, mungkin juga salah Yusri what so ever. Bodoh betul part tu.

2. Rambut Palsu. waddefak?

3. Putera Rom yang bertukar menjadi karate kid.

4. Masa watak Kesum the Gandalf ketuk ketuk buat keris tu. Ok, dia kata keris itu keris meteor. Tapi kenapa dia menempa keris meteor yang sepatutnya dibuat untuk raja (mengikut ramalan tapa) dengan sambil lewa. Pas tu si Gandalf ni dia kejap ketuk di besi merah, kejap ketuk tersasar atas kayu. Keris untuk raja dibuat dari material dari langit kau main ketuk ikut suka sambil sembang. Ritual lah sikit, ini keris zaman Dewaraja ni, zaman mistik, zaman siluman dan dewata, simbol segala simbol. Teliti lah sikit. Lepas tu hasilnya ialah keris moden.

5. Craig Fong. Why on earth dia ni berlakon semula. Aku memang tertunggu2 watak ni dimatikan segera. Cis bedebah sungguh!

6. Craig Fong and Stephen Rahman dalam 1 scene.

7. Fighting scene yang nampak seperti ada orang tertekan butang fast forward.

Bahasa aku tak ada masalah sangat. Bukan senang kau nak tulis bahasa latin kan, sangat rare untuk kau jumpa orang yang boleh bicara bahasa latin. Alangkan Hollywood pun pakai English untuk filem yang patut guna bahasa bukan inggeris (e.g. Gladiator, Schenider's list, Munich, Troy, Alexander, 300, Valkyrie). Cuma aku confuse sikit, bila si Puteri Cina tiba2 bercakap sepotong ayat latin walaupun general ideanya English dalam cerita ini ialah latin. Cuma aku tak suka Inang dan Puteri bercakap English sesama mereka.

Kalau nak filem dengan bahasa yang sesuai aku rasa setakat ni hanya filem Mel Gibson sahaja sesuai dengan selera aku (Braveheart, The Passion of Christ, Apocalypto).

Tak lah expect filem ni dibuat macam Braveheart kan.. kira ok lah juga. Kalau bagi gred, dapat B-. Kalau compare dengan Puteri Gunung Ledang, aku still pilih Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa atas sebab moral dan juga originality cerita.

p/s: Moral sebab kerja aku memang dengan lumut. Directly related to the plant. So I forbid myself from liking Puteri Gunung Ledang. Produksinya tiada kesedaran memusnah lumut. Cis sungguh!