MEH LAH KLIK...

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Submission to Allah & Keesaan Allah

But if they turn away, [O Muhammad], say, "Sufficient for me is Allah ; there is no deity except Him. On Him I have relied, and He is the Lord of the Great Throne." [9:129]

Allah has not taken any son, nor has there ever been with Him any deity. [If there had been], then each deity would have taken what it created, and some of them would have sought to overcome others. Exalted is Allah above what they describe [concerning Him]. [23:91]

So exalted is Allah , the Sovereign, the Truth; there is no deity except Him, Lord of the Noble Throne. [23:116]



Sunday, December 18, 2011

Stay

No matter what I say
No matter what I think
No matter how much hatred I have

Stay,
Someday, we will have an Aisyah we always want
Until the day comes, stay
Work hard
Pray even harder

Until the day comes, stay.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Sudah Balik

Sudah balik. Malas mahu update. Banyak lepak dalam twitter, facebook, youtube sahaja. Beside, I have sebemban majalah Times dan Nat Geo untuk dibaca. Stok sebulan yang memenuhi pigeon hole fakulti.

Kerja kicks off, banyak orang aku kena jumpa, berkeping2 borang kena isi. Yes, borangs. Nak pergi bank (luckily bank islam cawangan depan sekolah ni belum bersedia menerima pelanggan), TH, dan pejabat agama. And lecture on friday.

Kalau aku rajin aku cerita pasal haji. If not, tengok lah macam mana.

Monday, October 24, 2011

I am just Hmmmm...

Everything is piling up at the wrong time.

I am going to Arab Saudi via Kuala Lumpur on Friday. With my parents.

I miss everyone already, my family especially my sister, my friends especially Meet Babu Jijah and UMS folks, my students, and of course the boyfriend. See you peeps in December.

I pray everything will be just fine. And please do pray and pray and pray. Harder and more.

I do hope Allah forgives all my sins and wrongdoings and grants peace in my heart.



Friday, October 21, 2011

Hidup ini bukan seperti video muzik Colbie Caillat

Tapi hari ini aku sangat suka muzik video ini.

p/s: Bubba, someday.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I simply love malam jumaat.

Azam 2012: Cuba untuk menjalani kehidupan minimalist dan kurangkan kebergantungan kepada benda-benda yang tidak perlu.

The real point is not to get rid off things, but to actually live and enjoy life freely. Akan diusahakan bermula sekarang.

p/s: Bubba, I miss you so much.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

There's always first time for everything

I know I can scream. I know I can shout. I am good at both. But little did I know I can actually shout at him. Of course thru the phone.

So last night was the first official fight. After hmm.. four months? may be, I am not actually sure the real date. I know, more fights to come. I just hope no shouting or screaming involve next time.

We survived the official first fight. We'll be just fine.

But, even after hell bending anger with the intensity of thousand suns and temperature that high enough to melt a pyramid, when the light off, on my dearly beloved bed, I simply know I miss you so much. <<< now you can put this sentence on your pizza, so cheesy! *muntah*

Sorry ok. Hope to see you soon. So more time together before long hiatus.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Norkiah

Baru baru ini aku jadi Nokia fanboy. Aku dulu suka sangat sangat dengan SonyEricsson kerana kameranya yang power. Sekarang I like Nokia sebab sesuai untuk heavy texting. Malangnya Nokia E5 baru baru ini melakukan percubaan membunuh diri, preformancenya tidak sehebat dulu lagi. Bateri cepat habis, sangat sangat cepat.

Nokia classic sangat hardcore, it is light, and excellence battery life, value for money, and minimal function. I bought one today.

Aku suka android juga, cuma sekarang belum sesuai untuk berandroid kerana ada perkara lebih penting dari android phone.

Nokia E6 sudah di tenyeh2, sedap pun sedap. Untuk Android mungkin I will go either Samsung Ace atau HTC Salsa.

Itu saja angan angan kategori gajet untuk kali ini.

Tunggu.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

26 tahun hari ini

1. kerja macam biasa.
2. banyak wish birthday dalam facebook, thank you.
3. Razman lupa langsung even I reminded him 2 weeks ago. It's ok.

p/s: I love you so much Mama.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Steve's Apple

I am not a fan of Apple's products. Because I cannot afford to buy any and the technology is too much for me. Anyway, I do find Apple's products are interesting, the customers or fans are following any latest updates religiously and I bet most of them are devotees of their Apples, be it Macbook, OSX or iEverything.

People said Windows is better, Samsung has more value for your money. Yes, may be, but we must admit Apples are cooler. For geek with money.

I think the most revolutionary Apple's product is iPods. There was a time when I almost bought iPod touch. Really really close, and successfully convinced my then best buddy turn boyfriend to buy one for him. So we can FaceTime each other. But being classic me I didnt buy, so didnt him.

Yesterday, Steve Jobs passed away.

And I cannot stop thinking about his 2005 commencement speech. I think I have found what I like the most. Still there are plenty dots to connect and things to think about. But for now, job wise, I like what I am doing and love man I am dating.

Good bye Steve, thanks for those desirable gadgets and for the speech.

p/s: My 26th birthday is next week, so an Apple will be nice. Anyone?

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I think by spamming my blog with diarrhea of posts will compensate my feeling towards whatever makes me less happy.

tiada rasa beza apa pun.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Bukan Marah Burung

Hari tu aku ada tertengok filem The Expendables. Dalam cerita wayang Bom Kapooww ni ada satu scene masa Si Statham dan Stallone pergi ke Pulau diktator untuk recce keadaan disana, mereka menyamar sebagai ahli kaji unggas atau ornithologist (pergh aku eja betul eh?).

Tiba-tiba aku teringat satu scene dalam wayang lama Dogs of War lakonan Christopher Walken. Walken berlakon sebagai spy apa ntah... tapi dalam cerita tu dia juga menyamar sebagai ornithologist.

Aku membuat keputusan pembikin The Expendables mencedok idea penyamaran sebagai ornithologist dari Dogs of War (Booooooo!!!). Tapi scene penyamaran dalam Dogs of War lebih meyakinkan kerana siap2 main teka2 nama native species of bird. Dalam The Expendables pula hanya tayang kamera dslr, sahaja, beside, siapa yang percaya muka macam bouncer night club si Statham dan Stallone tu ahli kaji unggas?

Aku pernah jumpa dan diajar oleh ornithologist sebenar. Mereka sangat normal.

Wayang lain yang ditonton baru baru ini

1. No String Attached
2. 3 Idiots

3 Idiots sangat bagus, hmm.. patut ditayang semasa sambutan hari guru di sekolah-sekolah. Untuk tontonan para guru bukan murid. Agak janggal jika anak murid dan cikgu bersama-sama menonton Amir Khan menari dan menyanyi dengan hanya dibalut kain nipis yang basah dalam bilik mandi.

No String Attached typical hollywood movie rasanya. Tapi aku suka movie ini. Less commitment, less hurt. Hmmm... tapi sampai bila mahu freestyle kan? When the time comes... trust me... you'll know.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Buang Tebiat

Buang Tebiat #1

I notice, lately, I like to eat fresh chili. I am not a big fan of spicy food and I seldom eat vegetable and fruits, but now I like fresh chili in my meal, be it in fried noodles, fried rice, chicken dishes, soup, or salad. I like them all. It is sliced nicely, fleshy, peppery but not hot at all, and may be sweet.

I like capsicum too, especially in my chicken salad.

So that's how I like my chili, fleshy, peppery but not hot at all, and may be sweet.

Buang Tebiat #2

I am developing a very rare behaviour, from google, this type of behaviour is called "nesting instinct". It is very common during pregnancy especially when the due date is closer.

Dont worry peeps, I am not an expecting mother (that's why I think this type of behaviour is strange to me).

Usually, I am just a regular person when it comes about household. Not unacceptably messy, not actually a tidy freak. I am fair about tidiness and clean enough. Recently, I always have this kind of urge to fold my clothes, arrange them according to colour, I put all white tees in one pile, dark coloured tees in another, and others in separate pile.

I tidy up my bed, vacuuming, dusting etc etc... more often than before. I cannot stand dirty laundry.

Hormone may be? or aging?

Buang Tebiat #3

I bought A LOT of self care products. Now I have like three or four different types of shower gel/scrub/soap. Lotion, body mist, etc etc etc... I have spent quite a fortune to purchase those.

I forgot when the last time I bought perfume. This weekend, I plan to buy a bottle of scent for me.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Novel Pecah

1. Saya tweet, "pembacaan siri buku fixi adalah afdal dimulakan dengan Pecah @nizambakeri".

2. Cerita tidak tipikal dan ada cerita. Penghujung is predictable, well what the heck, still good. Cuma cerita (plot?) kadang ditarik ke depan ke belakang, masa sekarang, 2007, tahun 1960's. Aku tidak berapa gemar cerita yang plotnya ke depan ke belakang, sejak membaca novel Terminal Tiga semasa tingkatan 4.

3. Kadang-kadang ada unsur meleret bila menerangkan sesuatu. Contoh (bukan contoh sebenar): Memakai baju nya, memilih rona berwarna cerah, sedikit coretan batik di bawah rusuk kiri... On and on... tentang baju tersebut. Untuk orang yang tidak punya attention span seorang genius agak sukar.

4. Watak Yaya berhubungan darah dengan Pak Chu. Ini aku tidak gemar.

5. Ketika baca, dalam kepala hotak aku ialah filem Pulp Fiction.

6. All in all saya suka cerita novel Pecah. Sudah order siri buku fixi seterusnya untuk di baca iaitu Cekik. Mungkin sekarang sudah dalam perjalanan ke kotak surat saya.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Potong rambut

Akhirnya. Setelah setahun tiga bulan.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Count your blessing

Nafsu Mu: Ambil lah pisau belati dan lukai lah hati hati yang kau sayangi
(Your Profanity: Grab the dagger and punctured the heart of your love ones)

Lalu kamu pun mengambil pisau belati dan melukai hati hati yang kau sayangi.
(You did)

Nafsu Mu: Blame everything and use religion to justify what you just did. It wasn't your fault.

Lalu kamu menggunakan agama untuk mewajarkan kelakuan mu.
(You did)

Aku: Sila pergi mati, like sekarang juga!
(Me: Go to hell, like now, now!)

It's just you stupid, you. The ungrateful bastard who think you have all money and power in the world and you want more. You want more women, faster cars, bigger house. You simply want more because you think you can have more. You walk around like you have titanium encrusted golden penis in your pants. Delusional!

Little did you know, all those money, power, women, and even your children can be taken away from you in half blink of eyes.

You too, someday, will drift into darkness, weak and hopeless, being inferior than others, and realize in your pants is just a pair of saggy old balls. Until someone who really loves you, cares for you, willing to swallow the bitterness for you, pick you up and give you whatever feeling left of being a man.

And still you refuse to be grateful?

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Persaingan harta dan pangkat hingga ke liang lahad. Lapangkan lah dada.

And to your Lord direct [your] longing (94:8).

Competition in [worldly] increase diverts you (102:1).
Until you visit the graveyards (102:2)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Hati Tenang

Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured (13:28).

Friday, September 2, 2011

Raya rambling

1. Aku sangat tidak suka budak-budak dan ibu bapa mereka.

2. Minimumkan kehadiran ke kenduri. Sebarang jenis kenduri and open houses, because I hate the crowd. The reason I attend such social event because I want to socialize BUT only with those I comfortable, not because of the food. If I want to eat, prefer to eat alone and quiet in front of tv.

3. Masalah duit yang dibincangkan secara merata-rata disana sini. Yeah barang mahal and all. And the ever popular Bila Mau Kahwin? question. Me and friends sort of betting whether the tuan rumah/makcik will ask us the question whenever masuk rumah orang untuk beraya.

4. I love hang out with my close friends. The bunch is awesome, one of us is getting engaged next month. So this could be last raya as orang bujang for her. More and more friends are getting hitched, so in 2-3 years we will celebrate raya separately. No more beraya tak ingat dunia, ketawa macam nak runtuh bumbung rumah orang, minum tergolek sambil mengosongkan balang kuih raya makcik2. Dont worry girls, I'll take care this awesome single life (and single dudes) for you!

5. I drink A LOT, sangat sangat sangat banyak, I could down a bottle of coke like magic. Gotta watch out the sugar uptake :(

6. zilch reading :( tapi lebih banyak belajar main gitar :)

7. Miss the boyfriend so much.

8. My mader's mi kari is heavenly delicious. Super duper sedap. Sangat sangat sangat sangat. Fattening too, but sedap.

9. Banyak benda aku nak beli especially gajet2 yang macam cool to play with (bukan perlu sangat pun). But my mader asked me to buy new bed, the current one is reput and old. The new king size bed will cost me around rm1200. The boyfriend is very supportive and encouraging me to buy the new bed. Like... the gadgets can wait but the bed cannot. Because good bed, good sleep, good health kononnya. Apa lah lu dude, tapi macam betul juga :p

10. Being single is so awesome, great, wonderful, and fun. I LOVE every single detail of it. So vote for remain single for more and more and more many years cheers!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

August 6

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. [2: 216]

Indeed, the hours of the night are more effective for concurrence [of heart and tongue] and more suitable for words. [73: 6]

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

August 5

Apasal slow update blog di bulan ramadhan?. Sebab bulan ramadhan lah... ada beberapa entry yang aku taip, ala luahan rasa gitu but remain unpublished. Biar lah dalam draft kan. Entry2 upset superpower itu tak sesuai sangat sangat sekarang.

Ok nak cerita biasa-biasa sahaja;

1. Kereta rosak lagi. Kali ini brake, kosnya rm100. This weekend nak tukar belting, another rm100. Not something new lah weekend ke bengkel ni, like every other weekend. Perlu kereta cergas, sihat dan kuat untuk berhari raya bersama kawan2.

2. Ada kawan yang minta tolong tapi gila kurang ajar dan memaksa-maksa. I cant help you because I cant. Tak kan aku nak bagi harapan palsu. Ahh.. I have plenty of problems to think about and a fun life to live. Aku dah bagi alternative solution, langsung harom tak nak ikut. Biar lah dia mati disitu. Kawan yang tak ada rupa kawan lagi melodramatik tak hagak is not something new. Aku rasa masing-masing ada pengalaman jumpa asshole seperti ini.

3. Money is flowing macam empangan pecah. Yeah, this time of year. Serial financial f up, is not something new too.

4. HTC ChaCha offer dari maxis macam syok dan berbaloi. Do I want it? very. Do I need it? not really. Kiranya hukum harus saja aku nak beli pun. Nanti lah pikir2 dulu. I prefer android phone dari iphone atau WP. Sekarang guna Nokia E5 symbian, excellent for texting, but slow bab surfing, now my phone cant stream youtube, sebab memori full kot.. entah. I think for someone who prefer physical qwerty keypad like me better guna blackberry (bold) tapi too expensive lah pulak, plus like I said I prefer android. Telefon android lebih suka touchscreen. Perfect phone is not exist, just need to find phone suits me the best. Oleh itu tenyeh lah Nokia E5 tu buat masa ini, sambil mata melirik kepada Nokia E6. Nafsu nak beli gajet tak perlu juga bukan sesuatu yang baru.

5. Today, now, Razman tengah sibuk menguruskan kereta dia. Yeah, selamat menjaga baby baru anda. Nanti I tumpang ok? :) <-- this is something new, new car. haha

6. Minggu depan akan bercuti selama seminggu. Horayyy.... hoyeh hoyeh. Akhirnya aku bercuti rehat. Pasang niat untuk beraya secara full blast pada tahun ini, dengan upacara beraya sampai tidak tidur sehingga menjadi zombie dan merayap dengan tujuan menghabiskan kuih muih di rumah orang lain. Some of my friends are getting married tahun ini dan tahun depan, so this could be last raya with them as orang bujang. Ahh.. whatever, jangan dipikirkan sangat. Yang penting cuti, beraya, and get some extra sleep. Seriously, I need to recharge.

7. Masih belum pergi menjejak pasar ramadhan sehingga hari ini. Petang ni tak tahu lah, feel like bungkus nasi dikedai makan sahaja or beli McD. Lama betul tak makan McD or any fastfood. I'll be just fine kot. Dah jangan difikirkan sangat, makan saja mana2 rezeki yang ada.

p/s: Miss you, hari-hari. Tapi malas lah mahu text lebih-lebih semasa bulan puasa ini :)

Thursday, August 18, 2011

August 4

Distance is not something new, love is.

p/s: I miss you everyday.

Friday, August 12, 2011

August 3

1. Sepanjang ramadhan belum lagi pergi ke pasar ramadhan. Sibuk dan memang malas. Cuma kirim saja beli air atau makanan dengan my bro, dan makan apa yang dimasak oleh orang kampung dirumah. Thanks orang-orang kampung sebab rajin masak untuk sungkai dan sahur.

2. Kerja sudah slow down a little bit. Biasa lah ramadhan. 11 ramadhan, genap 12 bulan qamariah bekerja. Alhamdulillah setakat ini semuanya ok. Terima kasih semua atas doa, pertolongan dan semua2 lah. Last lecture minggu depan, bahan2 sudah siap.

3. Thinking of studying forestry for real. Mungkin dalam bidang agroforestry. Agroforestry pun masih banyak unsur2 ekologi. Masih diperingkat awal perancangan untuk berubah bidang. Ini hakikat dunia sebenar, multidisciplinary lebih sesuai untuk terus maju. Lagipun bidang ini membolehkan aku "market" diri sendiri ke sekolah lain, sekiranya diperlukan aku untuk marketkan diri ke sekolah lain. Forestry School atau Agriculture School. Ini cuma angan-angan.. for now I am more than happy to stay with my current department. Aku memang ada hati mau join Forestry School dulu, in fact I did submit an application to join them (simultaneously with my application to join the current department). Agriculture School? Haha.. jangan tanya. But I did my internship with Agri. Dept. dulu back in 2006(?).

4. Persiapan raya? ada kemungkinan besar aku beraya dengan memakai baju kerja. Tapi I sudah beli bedsheet baru. Fresh dari parkson.. mudah-mudahan boleh lah digunakan pada minggu raya nanti. Mana tau ada orang mau tumpang katil I yang sudah rapuh itu kan, boleh lah sembunyikan the kerapuhan dengan bedsheet yang segar bugar. Ok, sangat minta tampar punya statement. Hahahaha...

5. Iya I blog masa lunch hour. Udah tak bley makan, I blog lah kan...

p/s: Hmm jika anda ada terpikir nak tanya "Eh ..bukan dalam profile tulis don't share bed kah?" Ini jawapan aku "SHADAP YU!"

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

August 2


Sedang dengar

1. Moves like Jagger
2. Love is a losing game
3. Wake up alone
4. The show must go on
5. Good life

Sedang baca

1. By the river piedra I sat down and wept
2. Pablo Neruda's

I wish I read more Quran this time of year. But....

p/s: I am longing to talk to you, say how much I miss you, but not even have gut to text you. Hope to see you soon.

Monday, August 8, 2011

August 1


I just want to work, learn, read, sit back, be good, doing good thing, and be happy. I like what I have now. I want to keep it this way. Of course I still hate wedding to my bone, and I dislike babies and their parents.

I wish to own a small house in Kudat, where I can happily retire. Above all I want to be free and happy.

p/s: I notice one thing, when I am fasting I miss the boyfriend less and less. Must be co related with depleting sugar hahaha.. but fasting is good. So hmmm... I miss you more later at night, boleh kan?

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Saturday evening edition

Tadi tengok filem pasal kes Claus von Bulow, Reversal of Fortune. Menarik juga cerita ini, Von Bulow dilakonkan oleh Jeremy Iron. Sangat bagus, no wonder he pocketed Oscar for this. Cerita pasal suami isteri yang curang mencurang, bunuh membunuh. When money is not a problem, everything is your problem.

Watak lawyer dalam cerita Reversal of Fortune sangat sangata mengingatkan aku dengan watak lawyer lakonan Sean Penn dalam Carlito's Way. Must be the frizzy hair kan.

Ayat yang aku paling suka dalam filem Reversal of Fortune ialah;

To love someone is easy. To live together is hard. You must work hard for it.

Well lebih kurang lah begitu ayatnya.


p/s: Isnin depan sudah puasa. Tidak sabar untuk ramadhan dan syawal. Someone is coming to the town :)

Friday, July 29, 2011

Red Hot Splendid Sun

I listen a lot of RHCP recently, and John left the band. I may know nothing about music, but I do know I am not the only one in this planet who like John's music. I have listened to the latest track from RHCP, kinda dance beat to my ears. May be I need sometimes to really love it.

I listen repeatedly to Hey. I think this awesome music is so underrated. It is sound so good, the lyric is so right in place. And I cant stop watching Can't Stop MV. One Minute Sculpture inspired video is so damn brilliant.

Amy Winehouse was dead. I wont pretend like I am her biggest fan. Because I am not. Before the death of Winehouse I have read about John's struggle to fight his addiction, which I thankful he did. So we can continuously enjoy fresh music from him. And then, Amy Winehouse died. I dont want to know why.

Amy Winehouse's voice was so honest. The feeling in her song is so pure. When she passed away, I think it is not just her is gone, but pieces of good music too.

....

I have read A Thousand of Splendid Suns by Khaleed H. I super like The Color Purple, but I honestly think I like A Thousand of Splendid Suns better. Much much better. I cried twice while reading, first when Mariam was executed, second when Laila reads the letter for Mariam from her father.

Thank you Khaleed for this amazing and beautifully written story.

When I read the novel, I also read article about child brides in Nat Geo magazine. We think our live is hard... well... think again. Imagine, 14 years old, illiterate, married to 40 years old, and a mother of two.

I am thankful and happy I was born in Malaysia.

Marriage can wait, education cannot. (ok, this will ignite kutuks)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Sunday post

When I was doing my final year back in late 2006 to first quarter of 2007, I liked to read murders and serial killers story. I bought few books on the related matter, as far as I know Jeff Dahmer, Ted Bundy, and Charles Manson are the ever popular murderous men. Serial killers encyclopedia is incomplete without their names.

So today, I pick up one of the books and read about IRA man and also about Dahmer. I realize I misplaced the first book about serial killers I ever bought. Try to find it on my family's bookshelf but no avail. I keep on misplacing stuffs especially my books these days. I still yet find two suitcases full with my notes from college, which I may need for my lecture. I really need my Systematics notes.

It is good to read again. I feel so narcoleptic in these recent weeks. I think the most probable cause would be the series of diarrhea, then I dont know, may be the hormone or something. I try to eat well, cut down carbo intake, but I often indulge myself with soda drinks. And I cook. Yes, ladies and gentlemen I cook.

Recently, I read a lot about Evolution, the comparative theories, evolution and thermodynamic, basically anything about evolution. I try to limit my scope from pre Darwinian to Darwinian. I need to put all those things together, stripped them even in the sense of my students can comprehend. I dont read The Origin of Species just for the heck of it. I read it because I teach theory of evolution. I found the notes about evolution in STPM books are often misleading. So dont read those books to study about evolution.

Trust me, stuff I read is really sleep-inducing. I wont blame my students if any of them decide to take a nap during my lecture.

.........

Things are flowery now between me and my guy. We act like 16 years old sometimes, I dont know how long these flowery bits are going to last. I enjoy this, hope so does he. Long distance dating is something your teleco would like you to do, my phone bill explains this claim better than I could.

I like when he told me about the domestic stuffs he did, like laundry, cooking, housekeeping. I know, it sounds silly and trivial, but sound very normal to me. I want a normal relationship, less drama, just ordinary thing. I dont need this thematic love story, or close imitation of a romantic love film e.g. Cinta and Rangga, string of Indonesian romantic films, Nur Kasih etc etc.

May be we dont have this lengthy romantic story to tell. We are not romantic, we dont even celebrate birthdays, we are typical people doing typical things, birthdays are typical too, just we dont do birthdays. But I glad I said hi to him in the lecture hall 8 years ago. Always :)

p/s: Buka-buka internet, Amy Winehouse meniggal, RIP Amy. Thanks for the music.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

May be I'll delete this later.

Tiba2 mau tulis pasal ini, I dont know why exactly. One thing I dont like about marriage practice in Malaysia is, it is too husband oriented. It is almost all about husband, husband, husband. Aku cakap in Malaysian sense, sebab aku tahu di kawasan seperti Afghanistan, Pakistan, Amerika, Belanda dan tempat2 lain mungkin lebih lain amalanannya.

And how much we emphasize the ownership, the husband owns the wife. His wife, bini orang, isteri dia. Jaga makan minum suami, is a statement that usually induce WTF response from me. Makan minum tanggungjawab suami. Suami memang memiliki isteri, tapi preferable lagi jika dikatakan Suami bertanggungjawab kepada isteri and vice versa.

Tulis lebih2 nanti orang tuduh tak mengikut lunas agama pula kan. I value relationship more than I fancy ownership. And being happy. Ini belum kira lagi orang prepare for wedding more than they prepare themselves for marriage. I always believe the power to say yes is equal to the power to say no. Say whatever you want, decide whatever you like, but do the right thing at the right time.

Marriage is not only something you get, but is also about let something go.

Damn, now I feel like hell!

1000th

Aku post semasa waktu pejabat. Hidup boleh jadi seharam ini, siapa sangka bukan? Maka, peace out aku nak buat skema jawapan soalan final exam. Dan berharap hidup kurang keharamannya.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

999th

Ini ialah pos ke 999.

1) Sesiapa belum tengok The Fighter, sila tengok. Selain itu, sudah tengok Prince of Persia and 127 hours. All are syok movies.. Prince of Persia slightly below the par. But Ok. Some movies are worth to not watching (betul kah apa aku tulis ni?)
2) I bought new pair of jeans. Kali terakhir beli pada bulan Ogos 2007, during my graduation. The old pair masih boleh pakai, I love it. I beli more pairs lepas gaji this month :)
3) My old man is getting better. Alhamdullilah. You are awesome Big Boss!
4) My uncle and aunt said, it is better to finish my study before think about marriage. Err... I graduated twice already. Yeah.. 2007 and 2010. TWICE. And still I haven't finish my study. I dont mind about the marriage thing, I guess no matter how hard I study, people still think I shall remain in school.
5) I really need to buy a new car. And go to Kudat.
6) Razman, I miss you so much.
7) I wish I write a better post than this.
8) I have to watch my spending. Yeah.. four figured expenses in less than a month is waaayyyyy too much. I shop like Arab Emir comes out from a dessert with petrodollars to burn.
9) I want to buy a watch. Watches may be.. (hey what happen with watch the spending?)
10) I bought a new ring. It is silver. Fits my right finger ring well. Even told Razman about it. Im happy with my rings. The gold and the silver.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Serabut

Serabut sangat sangat. Apart from easy job of mine, my mind is cluttered with so many things.

1) My car needs to be fixed. AGAIN.
2) I want to buy a new car, but cannot decide when or what kind of car that fit me well.
3) My father is sick. Hopefully everything will be just fine. I urged him to do colonoscopy, the sooner the better.
4) I finally get the formal invitation from the organizer of a seminar, which will be held in Indonesia. BUT the Seminar is next week. I haven't purchase air ticket. With my father's current condition. I dont think I can make it to the seminar.
5) Meet the parents problem. Yeah.. it is harder than I think it is.
6) Just now I have decided, if thing is not working out between us. I'll let him go, and buy more guitars. Bass guitar especially. Fuck it. I dont care.
7) I want to go to Kudat.
8) I am bloody tired. I've been working non stop since January. I took 3 days off in January. That's it. I've been working continuously for half of year.
9) My office is turning into sanctuary. Where I meet less people, and start reading everything I want to read. Magazines, novels, text books, journals, my own notes, blogs, status updates, tweets, wikipedia, online articles. Sometimes I think I spend most of my day reading stuffs. And they pay me to do this.
10) I miss those days, when I was more scientific, easier life, when he was just another guy friend of mine, watch more tv, less drama, and whatever. I dont even watch tv these days.. I am just like any girls, who could be very stupid when liking a guy.

The easiest thing right now is my job. That's it. I like this easy task of mine, even it takes most of my time (if not life). It's ok, now it is good to get busy.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

July: Birthdays, a death, and a wedding.

1. Birthdays: Kamarul, Nel, Razman, and my lil brother are July babies. Happy birthday bros. Wish you guys prosperity and good health. Nel is no longer with us. Al Fatihah, moga kau bahagia di sana. I miss you always. Of course things are different now with Razman. Well... slightly.

2. My nenek saudara passed away last thursday. May Allah SWT bless her soul and place her among the believers. My condolences to her husband and children.

3. My colleague, Hafiz is no longer lelaki bujang kacak (as he said) because now he is happily married, and gladly rub it to all over our faces (and also facebook's wall). Congratulation to you brother, people said, good thing comes to those who wait. You certainly, have been waiting long enough (12 years of relationship!). May marriage brings all excitements and true happiness to both of you. May you have love in one another, walk into new experience hand in hand, enjoy the mystery together for many more years. And stay in love till the end of time.

I hate wedding. Tapi untuk kali ini, sangat excited untuk pergi. Siap pilih2 baju. Bangun pukul 4.30 am on the day, pergh kau... hahaha... sangat sangat mahu pergi. Pengantin cool, aku pula yang excited rabak. Not just me, our friends, Bapa Kumbang pun sama, went to my room asked for what to wear. I couldnt focus at work. I went to the nikah ceremony. It was... how to say it? It was awesome!. I like it.

Tahniah again to Hafiz and his wife.


p/s: trust me I still hate wedding. But I can make exception.

p/s/s: I wont make this post exclusively yours, because I did. In fact there are too many you-related posts lately, even my tumblr is turning into I-Miss-My-Boyfriend weeping page.

Friday, July 8, 2011

If today is your birthday

Happy Birthday!

Dual

Magenta make love to me
Because I love you
Don't be jealous Brown
You too, can make love to me
Remember, I love you first
And always

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Absurd Randomness

"The most beautiful place in the world is Kudat"
"The second most beautiful place in the world is KK"
"The happiest place in the world?"
"Heart"

"I think by replacing his name with a girl's name would make people suspect me involve in a gay relationship. I am not gay"
"How could people suspect you involve in a gay relationship by only reading your text messages? Hmmm.... Unless..."
"Yeah, unless..."

"Releks bah. Kenapa serius sangat juga ni? Don't you just.... Wait... Don't tell me..."
"Yes"
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...."

"Hey... Marriage can wait, education cannot"
"Kau jangan Jill.. Nanti..."
"I don't say that, a novel does"
"Kau, nanti kau...."
"Yeah, I know, now you are keeping the deposit, you just wait to pay me back later kan? BIG TIME!"
*Smirking*
"Kau, nanti kau... Aku tulis (a banner) 'Kahwin can wait, education cannot' Gantung di SST "
*Laugh burst*

Sunday, July 3, 2011

shush~

January:
Me, drive. You, sleep. The radio, off.
I like that.

April:
Walk. Sit. Say nothing.
I like that.

Easter weekend:
Beautiful beach. Beautiful morning. Say nothing.
I like that.

May:
Sit. Eat. Shut up.
I like that.

June:
Ask. Stunned. Yes.
I like that (kot? hahaha).

When you are with me, your presence creates silence.
I super like that.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Me Too

I never say, me too.
But trust me, me too.
Me too, wholeheartedly.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Lack of Update

Kenapa aku tidak update:

1. Sibuk kerja. Pagi belajar, petang mengajar. Repeat selama 2 minggu.
2. Online guna henpon sahaja (Owh I super love my qwerty keypad auwww)
3. Text therapy dengan kawan2. Aku main sms macam budak 13 tahun baru dapat henpon. (Should I lower the age?)
4. Aku tak berapa nak online guna netbook sekarang. Sebab nak online berbaring dalam gelap sampai tertidur
5. Tidur awal
6. Penat
7. Sibuk belajar menjadi dewasa
8. Baru beli gitar. Jadi eksaited nak belajar kod. Mandi pun tak sempat, ni kan pulak update blog. Balik kerja terus sepam dua intro redemption song.
9. Emosi konflik jiwa raga
10. Jiwang. Aku sengaja avoid nak update blog untuk mengelakkan alam maya melihat post jiwang aku. Post jiwang yang boleh mengakibatkan muntah merata-rata satu Kota Kinabalu, sampai dewan bandaraya marah sebab tak larat nak mop.

Sebut pasal Kota Kinabalu, aku rajin menikmati weekend di Kota Kinabalu sekarang. Oleh itu nah tengok lah gambar Kota Kinabalu Ku.
From Observatory Tower
I like.. (Nanti kita naik sini, kau drive)
Timur: Morning
Barat: Evening
Jalan jem semakin teruk di KK ni. So aku ambil kesempatan menikmati sunrise dan sunset ketika pergi dan balik kerja. Always try to find simple little thing I can enjoy, because life is so messed up lately.

P/s: Come here, and collect your birthday present. (Iya tau bizi, may be I'll post it to you, btw, kau bday bila exactly?)

now playing: Rhythm of love by Plain White T's <----- Hint, darl!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Day 1: Trial Separation #1

I am good. I survived day 0 (barely).

Anyway, currently I am listening Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn. The original version is wow!, sound very 80's to me, just I am not really into the dance beat/disco music. But I really like the song itself. Thus, I "selongkar" national archive a.k.a YouTube for acoustic version cover. I found this. It is a rendition by a guy, so personally it suits me better. And of course because of the acoustic guitar and the piano.

Just what I need for this weekend. Hopefully it helps reduce the withdraw syndrome. Because honestly I feel like drowning.

p/s: Y U NO, call your girlfriend?

"Call Your Girlfriend"

Call your girlfriend
It's time you had the talk
Give your reasons
Say it's not her fault
But you just found somebody new

Tell her not to get upset, second-guessing everything you said and done
And then when she gets upset tell her how you never mean to hurt no one
Then you tell her that the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again
And it won't make sense right now but you're still her friend
And then you let her down easy

Call your girlfriend
It's time you had the talk
Give your reasons
Say it's not her fault
But you just met somebody new

Don't you tell her how I give you something that you never even knew you missed
Don't you even try and explain how it's so different when we kiss
You tell her that the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again
And it won't make sense right now but you're still her friend
And then you let her down easy

Call your girlfriend
It's time you had the talk
Give your reasons
Say it's not her fault
But you just met somebody new
And now it's gonna be me and you

And you tell her that the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again
And it won't make sense right now but you're still her friend
And then you let her down easy

Call your girlfriend
It's time you had the talk
Give your reasons
Say it's not her fault

Call your girlfriend
It's time you had the talk
Give your reasons
Say it's not her fault
But you just met somebody new


Friday, June 17, 2011

Day 0: Trial Separation #1

I am experiencing early stage of withdraw syndrome. What a Friday. And the clock is unusually slow today. Just keep busy with work. Which I cant bloody focus on.

NoteToSelf: Don't start trial separation at 12 am on Friday. It'll ruin your weekend for sure!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Bubba Y U NO reply?

Doodling my heart out of Milky Way
As my mind drifted
Hopeless and tired
It always finds its way back to you

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Too Much Love Will Kill You - Queen

I listen to this track. Repeatedly. In fact, I am listening now.

This song is SO GOOD. Brian May et al. wrote this amazing piece but it was Freddie Mercury who put the soul into it. I listen to the other versions (different singers). I still like Freddie's version more and more.

Freddie was a true talented musician/song writer. Other than his musical ability and world class stage performance I am always fascinated with his personal love story, between him and his ex-wife. How he honoured his woman, their marriage, their love, their friendship, to the very end.

"All my lovers asked me why they couldn't replace Mary [Austin], but it's simply impossible. The only friend I've got is Mary and I don't want anybody else. To me, she was my common-law wife. To me, it was a marriage. We believe in each other, that's enough for me.


Read more here

Other song:
Love of My Life - Queen (Listen and feel it!)

Now I really want to go to Lake Geneva.

p/s: perfect song to be dedicated to polygamous or cheater.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Music and more

I am a little bit melancholic and relatively so into music. I bought Najwa Mahiaddin's Innocent Soul album. If I have to describe this album in one word, REFRESHING!. I like all tracks in the album, Sweet October is my favourite and Got to Go. You know what peeps.. go buy this awesome piece. I dont have cd player, and my netbook is not equipped with cd driver. So far I can only listen to this cd in my car. Thanks to the old cd player.

I was looking for Yuna Zarai's but couldnt find any. I guess her album can only be purchased via online direct order. I dont know, I am a bit conservative when it comes to shopping. I prefer pay everything in cash. Yes, masih wujud orang seperti saya. Once in a while I do swipe my debit card, and always borrow dad's credit card to buy air ticket. Of course I pay him later. So Yuna's albums have to wait.

Another female singer whose voice keeps me company when I drive is Natalie Imbruglia. I always like her, but only listen to White Lilies Island album.

Other songs:

Every teardrop is a waterfall - Coldplay. Super like this one! May be different from their previous works. This one suits me just fine.

Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva la Vida (Coldplay) - New arrangement (thanks to you tube!)

Dancing, Forgiveness, redemption song cover - Elisa.

Creed's

Take a Picture - Filter

Marry Me (acoustic version) - Train

There was time when I hoped I listened more music. Now I am. See, we often forget to be thankful whenever our small little wish is granted. I dont know why recently I center my emotion into music. I went for karaoke session with people from work last night, it was great and fun. I forgot when the last time I went to karaoke. A lot things happened this week, personally. Work is just fine.

I keep on posting disgusting scribbles? on my tumblr. :p. Ha Ha Ha. Sometimes I feel like 18. Stupid, reckless, and happy. Anyway, this blog too is turning into something that able to induce nasty puke. Right? Bah dont puke on your keyboard ah.

p/s: Someday I will share music/songs I like, books I read, and my favourite lemony drinks with you. Be patient, when the time comes, I'll let you have'em all.

Now playing: Love Story - Taylor Swift.

Friday, June 10, 2011

First time post video youtube dalam blog



p/s: For you!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Star-Crossed

is meant to be Forever Alone.

Now Playing: Redemption Song cover by Elisa.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Distance is a bitch

May be we are in the gap between two seas.
So long my pulses start.
You are the beat of my heart.

p/s: this is a rip off

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Epilog

Like 500 days of Summer.
You know, before the 500th.
And I am not Summer.
I am Tom.
May be a combination of both.
The sad portions from both of them.
May be just Tom's sad portion.
And I don't even find Autumn at the end.

.....................................

:(

now playing: Just A Feeling - Maroon 5 (acoustic cover)

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

On Repeat Mode

Meh sini aku nak cerita sikit musical preference aku sejak akhir-akhir ini. Sekarang aku suka lagu yang ada banyak bunyi gitar atau versi akustik. Mana-mana lagu yang aku dengar sekarang aku akan selongkar youtube untuk cari cover versi akustik yang banyak bunyi gitar.

Taste muzik aku tiada lah avant grade, aku suka muzik biasa-biasa, something I like to listen, lyrics I can relate with. Dulu aku suka dengar Red Hot Chili Pepper, walaupun lirik tak tercapai akal ku, tapi muzik dia aku suka. I listen to Bruno Mars too.. sebab sedap lah kot lagu dia, tapi lirik agak macam harom gitu atau lebih tepat mengada-ngada. Catch a grenade? What for Bruno? Jump in front of train? Tolong lipat kain lebih seksi kot. Tapi apa lah folding laundry jika nak dibandingkan hiperbolanya dengan catch a grenade kan?. You need hype kan.

Lagu firework dari Kate Perry pun aku suka. Cuma lagu-lagu dari Kate Perry ni terlalu banyak perencah masa producing. Aku tak tahu lah apa istilah muzik whatever ni, tapi kalau kau strip down lagu-lagu Kate Perry tu, buang segala aksesori yang ditambah. Lagu dia tak lah best mana. Tapi oleh kerana mereka (orang putih) kalau buat kerja jenis all out.. dia bubuh rempah ratus cukup-cukup, penyanyi kasi meletop, pitching kasi auto correct, mikropon beli yang custom made, muzik video spend duit juta2. Taddaaa.. lagu jadi acceptably good lah pulak.

Ok honestly aku suka Jason Mraz, tak semua lagu lah tapi, sekarang aku memang didalam tidur dan jaga asyik-asyik dengar lagu Jason Mraz, ada beberapa spesifik tracks iaitu.

Lucky feat Colbie Cailat
If It Kills me
You and I
Beautiful Mess

Aku cari-cari cover, tapi yang original dari Jason Mraz juga yang aku suka. Kalau versi akustik pun aku nak Jason Mraz juga yang nyanyi. I am Yours pun aku suka, cuma sekarang ni tak main sangat dalam playlist repeat mode aku. Jason Mraz is a better songwriter than Bruno Mars.

Selain Jason Mraz, aku juga dengar merepeat mode kan lagu-lagu Maroon 5. Adam is sexy, he is the perfect Adam who can sing, good looking, and sleeps with supermodel. Eh.. kan nak cerita pasal muzik. Ada beberapa tracks dari Maroon 5 aku dengar sekarang iaitu

Never leave this bed (video tak lah gah, tapi aku suka tengok sebab shirtless Adam boleh tahan ada pemandangan ditepian pantai California)
Just a Feeling
Goodnight Goodnight

Just a feeling aku prefer akustik version, ada bersepah-sepah dalam youtube, korang boleh selongkar sendiri.

Lagu lain;
I Do Colbie Cailat
Seaside, I Already Miss You, Shine On - The Kooks
Ingrid Michealson's
Never Knew I Needed - Ne Yo
Animal - Neon Tree
Rhythm of Love -Plain white T's

Super love Rhythm of Love, tak payah cari versi akustik, versi biasa yang main di radio hari-hari tu aku cukup suka. Video pun cantik, sebab di tepi pantai. Ya aku memang suka pantai, sejak akhir-akhir ini extra suka. After all hari-hari pergi kerja lalu tepi laut apa... :)

Itu saja lah kot. Tapi dalam banyak (banyak lah sangat..) lagu yang aku repekkan disini pemenangnya ialah Jason Mraz's If It Kills Me. Jason Mraz aku dengar sejak lebih kurang 7-8 tahun lalu, lagu You and I, it was a massive hit back in good ol' matric. Pada masa yang sama, ringtone henpon aku (masa tu monophonic apa ntah.. tapi kuno lah) Harder to Breath by Maroon 5. I started listen to them when I was 17 going 18 lah macam tu... and still I am. Tempat ke-2 ialah tie between Never leave this bed dan Just a feeling.

If It Kills Me ini liriknya just in case you wonder. I like it so much. Sebab sometimes I just like, no need reason for liking (I have reason, but I wont tell here).

If It Kills Me - Jason Mraz

hello, tell me you know, yeah, you've figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment to see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now

And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing
'Cause you and I, why we go carrying on for hours on end
We get along much better than you and your boyfriend

Well, all I really want to do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through

And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me

Well, how long can I go on like this, wishing to kiss you
Before I rightly explode
And this double life I lead isn't healthy for me in fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all
Well, baby there's a lot that I miss in case I'm wrong

All I really want to do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still cant say it after all we've been through

And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me

If I should be so bold, I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said a word I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again

Well, all I really want to do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through

And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me
I think it might kill me

And all I really want from you is to feel me
It's a feeling inside that keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me
It might kill me

Monday, May 30, 2011

Cerita bosan orang yang penat.

Semua orang pergi meminang untuk saudara aku tadi, so aku tinggal seorang diri di rumah tadi sehari suntuk. Selain menekup muka dengan bantal setengah hari diatas katil, aku juga membuang masa di facebook. Ke atas bawah (rumah) aku main facebook. I used 3 devices, kompite abang (aku guna sekarang), my netbook, and henpon. Ya, hanya godek facebook saja pun, and of course blogging merepek2.

Weekend yang dipenuhi dengan acara bertunang dan berkahwin kawan2. It is good sebab dapat merepek2 jimba2 dengan kawan-kawan. I know the days of the gang are numbered, it is about time before we are automatically disbanded, the latest casualty is Ma Jud, I think Jamah's turn soon. Others will follow closely. I give us 3 years top.

The bad thing, I spent my precious cuti tidak mengikut plan. Less time with Razman. Ah.. thinking of it makes me want to hantuk my head di keyboard ini. Walaupun nothing new with these hurdles, biasalah tu. I met him on friday with muka half dead, since it was Friday before long weekend for Keamatan break, I was a bit busy with work, traffic was congested like hell. But compare to his difficulties and penat.. I couldnt complain much. My big boss sort of yelled at me on the phone, because I went night outing and I knew that he knew I went out with the most unlikeable figure according to his sense. Ok itu another separate story.

Aku drive balik, just let him sleep lah.. I know he was penat, aku pun penat (I prefer dia tidur when I am driving, Super like actually *insert muka minta penampar here*). Nasib baik ada Datin sebelah, who was equally if not superbly penat. Rush to Ma Jud's party. Did what we do best, being us, loud and all. Of course cam-whoring.

Siap berfoto ditepian pantai lagi. Ada lagi cerita mengada2 yang panjang penuh liku macam drama tv3 selalu pasang time maghrib. I drove him to his family on sunday afternoon. Ahh.. kenot tulis lah itu cerita... Thank you very much to Ma Jud, you saved my ass. Otherwise I would campak this poor dude ditepian jalan. I owe you BIG TIME Ma Jud.

Razman balik tadi. So I bit sedih ya hampoon since I buka mata subuh2 tadi (sikit sahaja sedih, I eat just fine, but need ubat batuk to induce tidur). I always hate the morning after. Anyway a good Datin of mine took beautiful photos.

Pakcik likes the sea. He was a fish himself. He couldnt tahan sampai pergi juga cecah kaki didalam air, nasib baik tidak mandi. I love the beach sahaja. Laut kurang suka.

Now Playing: Seaside -The Kooks.




p/s: Pakai baju melayu... hahahahahahahaha jadi issue.

I always hate the morning after.

I could handle night time like a Pro. I was a night crawler after all, the legend-dary. But I hate the morning after. It is real, sharp like well maintained stainless hunting knife. Or to pretentious extend, it is so subliminal. May be with IQ like mine, it is not for me to comprehend.

I may cheat my brain at night, with helps from good flavoured cough syrup (which also needed for my bad cough). Sleep like a baby with or without my phone in my hand. But I could not lie to my heart whenever I wake up in the morning.

The truth is well revealed, and I know surely I have to swallow my own words and may be my pride too for breakfast.

Of course I feel disgusting, like very, but doesn't mean the truth is less true.

Now Playing: I already miss you- The Kooks.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

need to rephrase

Friday, May 27, 2011

Yay holiday!

Finally the long awaited, the most wanted, is here. After 2 crazy weeks, the calendar grants me public holidays. Super love this, even though I have weddings and engagement party to attend. Razman is coming, and I really need these 4 days off.

Selamat pengantin baru dan selamat bertunang kepada kawan-kawan. Cheers!

p/s: approx. 500km. Pity him.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I have exam in less than 2 hours

I miss the girls lah pulak. Balik cepat girls, like super sunyi here, just me and the kids. Yeah, mak cik has to stay jaga budak. While you girls having good time runaway from campus. Dengki!

Pak cik baked cake last night. Hey hey cannot wait to text you on lunch hour. Thursday down! Someone is coming to the town.. Ho Ho Ho!

p/s: aku tunggu kau reply lah ni... aisey.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

I miss my then-me so much.

Caution: Content agak merepek mungkin anda akan muntah hijau lepas baca.

I took pics around UMS, the campus is quite beautiful this time of year. The sky is extra blue, the sun is extra hot, and the darling buds are blossoming. Plus I was working from 7am-10pm this week, even came on saturday and public holiday, means more time in campus compare to anywhere else. I needed to find something to amuse me otherwise i would have turned into brain eating zombie. Here some pics.

Yeah my campus has beach, a beautiful one.
This belongs to Legum family I suppose.
after Zohor. I was so tired because berakit di laut pada pukul 1 pm. And my muscle masih sakit mau tukar gear 2 pun susah.

On Sunday, a very good friend of mine who I seldom meet and talk to was kind enough to send his pic. Otherwise I would have tekup muka sendiri dengan bantal sampai petang. And... ok stop mengadu bukan2..
Bring yourself here safely by Friday, I'll fetch you after work. And you may sleep soundly while I drive the car. Dont forget the kemeja and DONT wear baju melayu (even I want you too) because it is just wayyyy to weird. (Damn, am I nagging here?). Ignore the stupid bebel, just come here.

See.. you make me membebel already. I dont like membebel to you, I dont even like talking via phone, I dont know what to say most of the time. But I am good with text. Yes.. very. Text me whenever you want, I would stop my car tepi jalan just to reply.

Damn what did I get my self into?

p/s: nanti beli white tee tu sama2 ah..

now playing: If it kills me- Jason Mraz

Friday, May 20, 2011

Did I tell you I love my physical qwerty keypad?

I am busy busy. I need that, to dry my energy, hence less merepek thinking. My kepala hotak loves to merepek recently, and it makes me look like zombie during daylight, or like I am demam. I am not really that fit, or tip top punya kesihatan as I work like 16 hours a day this week. Ya, adinda balik pukul 9-10 malam setiap hari minggu ini. Hari ni ada releks sikit sebab hari jumaat.

But sometimes, even when my energy level is almost zero my mind still wanders like naughty hyperactive kid. Worse, all merepeks come with dream version and I feel like I hardly rest even in my sleep.

After several weeks, I have found 2 simple tricks to make me sleep so soundly;

1. A very good friend of mine, ubat batuk. At safe dose, it helps like magic, knock me down almost instantly, hence less merepek thinking.

2. Text therapy. Even it's not working like magic, and sometimes turn into bloody sharp knife, and makes me emo like hell. Still it helps, more or less.

So there are my options, ubat batuk or text therapy. This is why I love my qwerty keypad so much because it is a safer option compare to ubat batuk.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Yes, I am mereng like that.

p/s: kepada yang berkenanan please jangan kutuk, I need to do this entry as I am so entah apa apa right now.
p/s: kadang2 dalam mimpi pun ada text therapy.

Manukan and Mamutik

Mamutik
Mamutik
Manukan
Manukan

I went islands hopping during last Easter. Rasa macam mau lagi :)

p/s: superfluously busy!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

What should I title this entry?

"What happen if you lost your phone or I lost mine? How we contact each other?"

"I remember your number, as well as remembering you"

p/s: Yet paranoid me secretly call you a bipolar. Sorry.

Monday, May 16, 2011

after working for 16 hours non stop...

i need something sweet. like sugar or honey or cupcakes.
p/s: I used my phone to write this. It's suck. I prefer ordinary keyboard instead :(

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Someone just said the sweetest thing ever.

I need extra insulin now. *faint*

p/s: This is mengada ngada post. Please dont puke.

The real winner is ....*drumroll* Celcom.

1. Being a realistic, I know how fragile and uncertain this thing is. For now let's enjoy what we have and worry less. And yes, distance is a bitch.

2. I like being single. It is so comfortable, and may be too comfy. I'll be just fine. And I shall remain like this for many years to come. Just because you are single doesnt mean you have to feel miserable or sad.. just be positive, and happy.

3. How do we know if a person is matter to us? For me, if I mention their names in my prayers, that justify everything. Walaupun masa bergaduh, as long as I still remember them in my doa, I know deep down these people are matter to me.

4. I like ring. I have one, a gold ring with simple design. I plan to buy another. For whatever reason.. haha.

5. I have this azam or whatever you may call it, that I want to be more independent, like paying my own bills, own my own house, etc etc. Eh.. dont get me wrong, I do pay my own bills now, but I share utility bills and stuff with my siblings. I can say I manage my own finance, but still learning here and there, need some times. And my own house. Not kelam kabut to buy one, just I am planning to buy one.

6. I want to read more science and be a good scientist. I dont care much about position and all, I think my current one is good enough for me, the payment is good, the benefit is fair (Tak lah gempak kah apa.. tapi I am good with it). I have no intention to compete for executive position. Seriously I dont want to. I like science and I like being a scientist, that's it. So dont worry for a competition from me, I dont compete for something I dont even want. I dont know about future, for me as long as they need my service, I am happy to serve. If not, that's another story.

I believe in rezeki, lain orang lain rezekinya. So no need to worry about this person buy this car, or that person is getting married, or siapa sambung belajar dulu siapa kemudian or naik pangkat dulu. It is rezeki. Once you are worried about others' rezeki you could easily trapped in dengki/irihati. Yes, worrying about others' rezeki is borderline dengki. I always tell this to myself. If we work hard enough, sabar, someday we will get what we want. Or may be not what we want, but just what we need, Allah SWT knows better kan?. So dont need to worry that much. Especially dont worry about will I potong your jalan or not.. All I care is my jalan is good, and not disturbing others. Itu saja.. so no need to kacau or worry about me.

Aku tak tahu orang lain, but usually I tumpang gembira if friends are getting married, or new job, or promotion, or buying new car. Tak payah nak beriri hati, ini iri hati dalam konteks jahat ya.. kalau tengok orang maju ke depan and we feel inspired to be better itu lain. Itu bukan dengki itu nak jadi better. Tapi macam biasa kena usaha lebih lah kan...

Nah.. this is what I want, taip banyak kali so people boleh jelas I am not a competition they have to worry about. Kerja wise, I want to be a good scientist. A real scientist with real ilmu sains to share with people especially my students. Pangkat gempak2 pun kalau ilmu nya so-so.. kejar pangkat saja lebih.. what is the point? Ya ada point like pangkat tinggi gaji banyak etc etc.
For me biar lah setimpal pangkat dengan ilmu (my loss, I know).

Personally, I want to be happy, spend more times with love ones, and benefit others. Yang lain2 tu mau lah juga, tapi what is the point kalau tidak happy? clear kan? it is not about cars, houses, money etc etc etc...

7. He is sharing what he reads with me. If you read my previous posts, you'll know what do I think about a man who reads.

8. I have said this before, tapi nak cakap lagi, I like drinking tea.

p/s: Someday I will bancuh some tea for you. We start with black, later boleh lah request yang mengada2 punya ok? :)

p/s/s: My old me is back.. eh? macam sudah.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Sesekali perasan Holden Caufield.

1. Lain orang yang bertunang lain orang yang pening. Yang ni serius memang cari penyakit, tiada beban jengkaut dan steamroller digalas. Aku n00b dalam masalah ini, sampai termimpi2 pun ada rasanya, that's why I need extra dose of antihistamine/cough syrup/painkiller, so I can sleep better. Walau hakikat alam semesta, I dont really need ubat for light cough. Sebab tahap cukup sekadar dehem, minum air banyak sikit, dah ok kot, but still I need 'reason' so I can feel less guilty. Damn, am I hypochondriac?

2. Serial financially fuck up whine: Yes, as usual. I 'terbeli' sunglasses, beli karpet kereta sebab yang lama dah makan umur 5 tahun kot, beli wiper baru sebab memang expired, perlu tinted tapi aisey.. off budget. Ngangkung? Part time kot? ntah..

3. Katil aku patah. Katil yang satu lagi pun menunggu masa untuk menyembah lantai. So I need 2 katils. Padahal aku seorang saja pun, katil sampai 2, tamak kan?. Rosak pula masa yang sama. Pening.

4. May-June, Musim orang kawin, biasalah Malaysia ni, temperate ada 4 musim, Malaysia ada lebih dari 4; Musim kahwin, musim banjir, musim kemarau, musim cuti sekolah, musim raya, musim buah buahan, musim pilihanraya.

So kepada yang seangkatan dengan aku, diharap Comrade releks ketika ditanya FAQ oleh saudara mara, kawan2, makciks, semasa menghadiri kenduri kahwin. Sekarang kalau orang tanya aku FAQ, macam mau saja aku hantar fake wedding invitation. Padan muka korang, nak sangat kan?. Logically, kalau aku tau bila, memang sah2 aku dah hantar kan kad, ya idak?

Tahniah kepada pengantin/bakal pengantin/bakal bertunang/bakal ibu ayah.

5. Reading principle of taxonomy. I feel great! Ya.. membaca bagus untuk jiwa anda. Especially Al-Quran. (eh.. apasal tiba2 tertukar mood alim ini?).

Friday, May 6, 2011

Teh Berperisa Ubat Batuk

Dhani. Spit image of his father.

*Entry ini mungkin sejenis confession yang dibuat dalam keadaan under influence.

1. Kepala hotak ku yang sentiasa memikir mikir. Kadang2 terjaga malam, aku suspek masa aku tidur pun hotak aku masih berfikir-fikir.

2. I super love physical qwerty keypad. Thank God.

3. I text like 16 years old recently. Eh.. korang jangan salah sangka, aq B3L0m Lg JAtuH tAH@P M3n@iP M@CaM H@R0M Spt IniEw. Cuma sekarang ini lebih banyak texting dari biasa. Thanks to physical qwerty keypad. And him.

4. We are in limbo. Kan? or we are chickened? or we just too tired sampai terdoze off sedar-sedar sudah subuh?

5. Agak musical sekarang. Ingrid Michealson's and George Harisson's.

p/s: Text lah lagi!
p/s/s: I love Dhani name.

picture: Google (kau fikir mana lagi?)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Love it so much so I re-post it.

AWESOME!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Now Playing: Ingrid Michealson's

We should keep it this way.
Floating away and being stupid.
No cold feet, no retreat.
Being silly, may be happy.


NotaKaki: May be I should stay offline, switch off my phone, read my books and mags, do a DVD marathon, set another lunch with another younger boy, drink great amount of tea, intoxicate myself with caffeine, punch my own face, buy an expensive guitar that I'll never play, buy a pair of unnecessary shoes, read 2 boxes of journals, and delete this blog.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Party is over.

Yeah, I Guess, the serotonin loaded weeks are almost if not already over. For real or merely camouflage, one thing for sure I had good time myself. Another quick awesome sensation but I guess it is over and kicks me back to reality. Which is good for me.

From now on more focus and of course keep everything on track. Cheers!

p/s: Thank you for all those good wishes.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

My first Labour's Day.

I feel very (well relatively) musical lately, reflection of my mood I guess. I prefer to listen to them via live streaming (youtube etc..) not downloaded. Below are my playlists.

1. Love Comes to Everyone - George Harisson
2. As My Guitar Gently Weeps - George Harisson
3. Marry Me - Train
4. I D0 - Colby Caillat
5. I Never Leave This Bed - Maroon 5
6. Marry You - Bruno Mars
7. Glee
8. Animal - Neon Trees (prefer Billboard acoustic version)
9. Baby - Justin Bieber cover by Neon Trees
10. Ingrid Michealson's
11. Price Tag - I dont know the original singer but I prefer Maddi Jane's version.

Some songs I prefer the acoustic version of them covered by other singers.

p/s: How dare you come to my dream?. Do it more often... hahahah.. :)

Friday, April 29, 2011

I will stab you with your insulin pen.

George bersama gitarnya. now playing: Love comes to everyone. Thank you Georgie for the song!

There is time when I can foresee future me sit alone and gather dust while watching weekly race. May be with sugarless lemony drink in my hand.

Be my Gatsby, and join me. Mahu?

photo: Google.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Note To Self.

Ini George masa muda. Love this photo, ini baru hipster superstar. RIP Georgie!.

Wahai diri sendiri sila lah fokus. Kau asyik berfikir-fikir sampai termimpi-mimpi itu bahaya ok. Sudah jangan lah berfikir-fikir lagi kembali lah kau ke pangkal jalan. Jalan yang lurus yang sudah ada tangga untuk di panjat lagi diredhai.

p/s: You are not the road not taken. Be patience, I'll ask.

p/s/s: kepada diri sendiri, be patience and FOCUS.

photo: Google

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

180 degrees

Super love this photo. Especially George.

1. Tulis 2-3 ayat tapi delete. Sekarang post lebih kepada whiny atau jiwang. Jiwang post makes me puke.

2. Esok kerja luar lagi.

3. I didnt like texting by using my phone. But recently since everything is flipping 180 degrees or so, I do like texting with my phone. Must be the awesome qwerty keypad or may be because of You.

4. Everything is soooo tunggang langgang, I dont care much about science recently. Kind of creepy, like very creepy. So I decided to read scientific journal again. Just to gain back the momentum.

5. I need to stay focus. Hopefully I wont browse Tupperware catalog anytime soon. Yeah sekarang these petty things I usually (used to) hate agak menarik, the furniture, the bed linen. Homaigod... I minat mau beli cadar? What happen? I think cadar is fine, but once I try to order Tupperware or kitchen utensils, please save me.

And someone keep on asking me about household stuffs. Dude, I serve my food on pinggan percuma beli ubat gigi, or cawan percuma beli milo tin besar. Mind you I even drive whatever car available in the garage. I dont know which type couch suitable for what kind of space. And if you ever ask me about curtain, I pengsan.

I let my sisters bought my kain baju and tudungs, even my stokin. Stokin ok!. I sleep on a bed with a brick (yes batu bata merah buat rumah) supporting the main frame.

And you value my opinion on sofa set? err... are you sure?

6. My magazines are finally arrived. Fuhh~

Confession of a Whiny

1. Dropped my phone on the gravels. Hence, scratched the screen.

2. Heavy cough. I've been coughing so hard every night since last thursday. Super irritating.

3. Lost focus. Damn!.

4. Cant stop thinking about this particular someone.

5. Feel like bitch slapping myself.

6. I should buy myself a single ring. As a symbol of commitment or whatever-fuck-even-I-cant-comprehend-but-still-I-want-the-fucking-ring to plan I have made and hope I have give to my love ones.

Monday, April 25, 2011

You wont read this. That's why I post it.

We both lost our best friend. The one who bridged us in the most special way people and us even couldnt comprehend. Sadly we talk less about him now. Deep down I dont want to share what I feel, and of course I assume you dont want to share yours. For I couldnt even talk about him with dry eyes.

Somehow may be we managed to mourn separately for him.

I have lost one. Almost let another slipped through my fingers.

Just hold on there. Hold on. As long as you can. I promise to fight for it even if it is a losing battle and powdered my fingers well so nothing will slip through them.

Easter Weekend

1. Went to Pulau Manukan and Mamutik.

2. Went to shopping malls (wojib).

3. Went to jimba with friends, since everyone is getting engaged, married the happy bunch mesti berjimba sekerap yang boleh. Before we take separate ways.. for good.

4. Introduced (err.. sort of lah kan..walaupun entah apa2, kelam kabut sangat2 rushing dari island hopping) Razman to the happy bunch. And the bunch made quick assumption, we are student and teacher, or research collaborator. If I knew the theory beforehand I would keep it that way. Sebab it sounds very close. We are friends since like 2003, surprisingly the happy bunch know nothing about him?

5. First time pigi terminal bus Inanam.

6. First time pergi KKTimesSqLalu depan Sabah Institute of Art. Cantik2 artwork mereka. Stop by di butik mothercare? because it is the only shop open kot? Plus he wanted to buy something. I tengok2 saja lah... nothing suit my need or taste or my heart even.

............................

Expect more weddings and engagements. Yeah.. more and more and more. Tahniah to Dibah & Wan, Zati & pasangan atas perkahwinan anda yang bakal menjelang tiba. Wan fulfills promise he made 4 (or 5) years ago to marry Dibah by 2011.

Engagements, only one buat announcement (err... more like Facebook leak). Expect more to come lah kot? eh?

2011 is getting exciting or rather surprising... started pretty well.. so far so ok. Nothing much different, but compare to my roller coaster years in 2008 to first half of 2010, 2011 is much much better.

Travel wise, Started with KL (first time since my graduation), Kudat is always in my wish list, so do Ranau, dua2 sudah pergi for this year, of course the long awaited Sandakan. And another long awaited Islands hopping (especially Manukan). All done!

Sandakan and Island hopping were done within 2 weeks. *pat my own shoulder*.

Sandakan is extra special, sebab all of sudden peluang fell on my lap. Walaupun masa untuk bekerja keras dan terpaksa mengharung long hours bus ride siap landslides drama bagai :).

May be Ranau again. Ya, I like Ranau. And please, another sunrise watching in Kudat. Super love it.

Explore My Own Backyard Project (jalan2 sekitar Sabah) ialah plan selepas graduasi pada tahun 2007. 2011 baru nampak plan ni gerak perlahan2.

Kita bulatkan tekad, kita kukuhkan azam. Cambodia! (2015 or earlier).

p/s: I like the small little thing you said, even may be you didnt mean it the way I wished you to. Keep it simple and open, when the time comes the whole universe will conspire to make it happen. Just like my Explore My Own Backyard Project lah... plan 2007, 2011 baru lah project nampak berkembang sikit.

Friday, April 22, 2011

I dreamed of iPad. It was a nightmare.

Ini bukan iPad. Ini iOrangTuaMasihMaintainWalauAnakSudah3.

Wrinkled face of David. I still like to watch his face. Even I dont like him as much as I used to. Ya kamurang may harp on his keturunan yang yahudi 25% itu. I do like his slick shiny hair and his unshaven face a.k.a after 5 look a.k.a Californian executive look. And of course his wedding band.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dont let your feeling clouded your judgement

It is important to be a good professional scientist. And a good person who benefits others.

p/s: I promise, when the time comes, I wont wait for you. I'll ask.

#now playing

Marry me- Train
Never leave this bed- Maroon 5

Sunday, April 17, 2011

sixtynine

1. I keep on thinking about this particular someone. It's been a week. I dont feel comfortable but I dont hate it.

2. Anyway on unrelated development, relationship between me and my parents and family is a relationship I value the most. Any other relationships I have in future shall have less impact with the former.

3. Lately I've been so melancholic well may be a little bit.

4. He took 2 days off from work and endured 3 hours bus ride so we could meet each other. Turned out, I was so occupied with works, and left him waiting. Thankfully managed to meet for a quick dinner, and he joined me back to the lodge. Instead of catch up story with him, I left him alone because I was so exhausted and barely opened my eyes. He did call me at 11.30pm but I was already drifted into sweet slumber. The next morning, he left while I was in the shower (yes, enough to make me feel guilty and disgusting at the same time). I talked to him, so we set another meeting sometimes next week.

Throughout 7 years knowing each other, I think, except the first year we only spent like 4 hours a year together. If we are lucky, kadang2 tidak jumpa sampai almost 2 tahun. Usually susah gila nak jumpa and sentiasa ada halangan. Once, he and his friends drove like 6 to 8 hours but we just met for like 1 hour. So last week, when multiple landslides blocked the route, I wasnt surprised, after a while I get used with such gauntlet.

Looking forward to spend long easter weekend with him, may be I'll introduce him to my girls.

And thanks for the gift :) and for kindly wrapped it in a box. So thoughtful. (Unlike me, yang kalau bagi hadiah main campak with plastics shopping tu pun kalau bagi).

p/s: get well soon to bapa, steady my big boss. You'll be just fine. Love you. Pray for you speed recovery!.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Marriage Approving Mood.

If you read my previous posts (I dont remember which one) you would know I am not a marriage approving person, but I am not totally against marriage either. Just I dont fancy the idea of marriage or being married.

I hate wedding for real, yes. I. Hate. Wedding. Nowadays, wedding is an extravagant event where the couple and sometimes parents spend big chunk of fortune to make it happen. Sometimes, I think big wedding is just an event where the couple seek a public approval for having sex. But of course they want to make it like it is a Big Deal!. Seriously, in 2011 Malaysian, especially Malay folks (well.. I am Malay by federal constitution definition) still joking with childish giggles about first night at the wedding. People have sex, so do cockroaches. So get over it.

Back to marriage.

All of sudden this week I am in marriage approving mood. Soon after I came back from Sandakan, I heard one of us is engaged. And I was wow.. tumpang gembira, clapping in my heart, and spamming facebook with my happy wishing well posts. In short I was sooo approving and supporting without even care with whom, and ditch all those typical doubt and questions.

Yes, what's wrong? I dont know, what I do know is, this 180 degrees turn will makes one of my close allies rolls her eyes, with of course some words, chanting into my eardrum and make me eat my own words.

The keyword here is, sabar. As this mood can be temporary and with one week life span.

Even though I am in marriage approving mood, I still think I am not suitable for this kind of relationship. For once, this week (thankyouverymuch long hour bus ride!) I think I can commit to a long term relationship, with the same person. Just it shall happen without marriage. Yes, I can stand long term relationship, even long distance one (even though this is a gauntlet task to do).

I do enjoy meaningless lunch-date spree with different younger boys. At the same time I always have eyes for the sweetest apple in the barrel and make no effort to cover it up. Now I think I am willing leave all these fun behind and start a first step to a more serious (read: boring) lifestyle.

Boleh kah?

Blow your worry away, I am not that liberal to shack up like what rockstars always did with their playmate girlfriends. Hell no. Kau nak kena sembelih? haha.

Suffice to say, my marriage approving mood can be define as I am supporting a long term relationship with a same person without marriage. Which is in contrast with my usual view, "why commit to one if you can enjoy responsible free lunch dates with younger boys".

p.s: congratulation to virtual jentayu.

Post Trip

Whoa what a week. First time to Sandakan, sangat rushing, I was like a step mother from hell. Yelling and all to my students to prevent any further delay because we were already behind schedule. Macam pusing satu Sandakan except the town area.

Masa bertolak landslides along Kundasang-Ranau Road. Bad road condition along Ranau-Telupid-Beluran. We reached our hostel at 10 pm. With some teriak and maki, finally my students dapat katil masing2. Rehat. Tuesday was hectic like entah apa2. Kesian lah my kids and pemandu bas memang penat. Batu Sapi road wasnt helping either. Kawasan kilang jalan raya berlubang macam swimming pool. Dey YBs please lah pilihan raya dah nak dekat ni, fix the damn road!. Wednesday went to Labuk Bay. Tak tahu begitu jauh. Bertolak balik around 2.00 pm. Singgah pit stop di Batu 32. Damn, last time I was there when I was 6 or 7. Yeah, some 20 years ago. Same old dusty Batu 32. Banyak lagi pit stops, finally reached KK around 12.30 am. I balik rumah 1 pagi. 6.30 am next morning pergi kerja.

PENAT!.

Managed to had dinner with Razman. Detail later.

Next time I'll fly to Sandakan. Bus ride is simply painful.

Balik dari Sandakan, sambung pula kerja2 domestik. And I was with my kids sampai jumaat. Jumaat reached my boiling point of kesabaran senipis kulit bawang. They were late for the next lawatan. Aku kena cari sampai hostel, lepas tu sekor2 tak reti nak tunggu kat bustop, ada yang di cafe, ada di kedai fotostet, ada baru turun bilik, yang masih dalam bilik pun ada. I was naik hantu, rasa macam nak carik2 sekor2. Kesian juga, sebab bukan semua yang buat hal, like half of class are good, the rest naik lemak. Tapi I pukul rata maki semua sekali.

Kesian. But hey.. I have schedule to follow, you nak buat hal memandai2 bagai memang nak kena maki. Memang aku marah sungguh2 kau nak kena carut, aku boleh carut sampai lusa.

Ada juga try nak buat muka kurang ajar. You mess with me, you mess with the best. Kalau mak bapak kau sebelahkan kau, dengan mak bapak kau aku carut. Try lah, I'll give you the best of my worst.