MEH LAH KLIK...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Key to happiness

Kadang-kadang aku tak faham perempuan. Sedangkan aku perempuan.

Kenapa perempuan sanggup diperhamba laki sedangkan masa kau hidup bujang kau lebih senang?. Faham tak apa aku nak sampaikan ni?

Ok, aku pernah jumpa perempuan perempuan yang sanggup jadi pemberi makan laki asalkan dia berlaki. Oh.. tak kisah lah jadi hamba pencari duit sebab nak tanggung laki yang penting berlaki. Hey world look at me, I successfully nabbed a man!. Now I need to buy him a car with my own money. Because err... err... we are married. Yes, I am married. I am so happy. Abang, abang nak apa? Oh.. henpon baru... ambik saja, tak cukup nah guna kredit kad ayang dulu.

Apa jaddah kah semua ini?

Kalau dah asyik kau saja kena bail out pampers anak, duit dapur, abis tu apa fungsinya laki kau? pederma sperma? Kalau gen berkualiti tak apa juga. Kalau sama malas haram jaddah anak beranak buat apa? Buat merosak gene pool dan menghabiskan sumber di muka bumi sahaja.

Oh tak apa, we are team mesti tolong menolong. Guna akal yang waras dan bantuan kalkulator henpon. How much your keringat/tenaga/duit mengalir to keep your rumah tangga together and how much his?

Oh tak apa, we are married jangan lah berkira sangat. Ahhh... iya. When he is using his mid life crisis to screw with younger pussy, masa tu dah terlambat kau nak kira jerih perih susah kau dengan laki pemalas penggaru pantat tak guna tu.

This oh tak apa syndrome ni ialah sebenarnya penyakit ignorance. Orang kata ignorance is a bliss. Hanya ignorant saja yang kata begitu.

Kalau padan dengan tembirang (means: poyo berlagak, actually aku tak tahu apa maksud tembirang dalam bahasa Melayu), asyik dia saja nak beli barang mahal, konon kualiti terjamin, konon wise investment, or wise purchase tapi guna duit adinda. ha kat tahap ini nanti kalau kau masih kata ignorance is a bliss, memang kau bodoh.

Aku dah nampak banyak kes macam ni. Macam drama pun ada. Husband ill treats his own wife and the wife just let him. Mungkin kerana anak anak, mungkin kerana better have husband who treats you badly than have no husband at all kind of thinking. If the latter.... aku tak tahu mana aku nak maki dulu, the husband or the wife. Or shall I say those two idiots deserve each other.

Meh sini aku nak kasi words of wisdom sikit.

1. Perempuan insan lemah, aku akui. Tapi jangan jadi bodoh.

2. Retail therapy is a bitch. especially for those who make less than MYR 40K per year.

3. You can survive without your laki pengotor pemalas who do nothing but scratching his fat ass off and shamelessly asking you to bail his sorry face out tiap tiap bulan.

4. taklik taklik taklik.

Review your taklik. To those yang belum kawin or nak kawin, check with your local pejabat kadi or peguam syariah (if needed) about hukum taklik and all. Whether undang undang syariah permits you to do your own taklik or not. If yes, ask them to what extend. Or you need assistance from pegawai agama/peguam syariah etc etc to pre-write your taklik.

Remember ladies, talak is a husband's right but taklik is a wife's right.

Yes, dont just go to kursus kawin and listen to the lame shit story of adab malam pertama or sex this and sex that. We are the most advance primate ever walk on earth, if roaches know how to do it, so could we. You dont need Al Ustaz to tell you this and that. You are not 13, are you?

Do we know about marriage laws and hukum hakam? that's what we need to learn more. Kau dah nak kawin tak kan baru sekarang nak belajar beristinjak?. Kalau newly converted aku faham lah jugak.

Ask your kursus kawin ustaz about taklik. This is very important matter that most of brides love to forget. Some of my friends are in vague when I mention about taklik matter. Ya lah, sibuk dengan baju nikah kaler apa, pelamin berapa tingkat, kek perisa apa, door gift, dekorasi bilik tidur, berapa persalinan sanding. Taklik? ala... ikut saja yang default text from pejabat agama.

5. Take care your own ass. Figuratively and literally.

Oh ya... another thing, ada perempuan yang baru kawin/sudah kawin suka sangat atau tak sabar nak orang panggil dia Puan (bukan semua, ada lah kot segenggam dari 100 guni). Aku pun tak paham kenapa they care so much about the title Puan. Pernah aku dengar (tengok tak ya..) Ada sorang budak ni cerita dengan aku, mereka hantar report lab. Biasalah kan cover report tu mesti ada nama ahli, tajuk report dan juga nama lab demonstrator. Akak demo to cross out title "cik" kat nama dia ganti dengan title "puan" manually, sebab budak2 tu letak title "cik" kat pangkal nama dia.

Nak announce kat budak2 tu kau dah berlaki ke kak?

Yang benar,
Cik J.syko.



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