Saturday, May 29, 2010

New Putatan Cooking

Inspired by New Scandinivian Cooking I have watched earlier, I decided to cook some chicken. But I dont know how to cook chicken. I have chicken thats all. Then I ransack the kitchen. And I found spices and all. But still I dont know what to do with them.

Below is my dinner for tonight.

Prata with tumeric chicken dish and mayo.


1. Chicken flesh (ikut suka hati berapa)
2. Fresh chili
3. minyak masak (palm oil)
4. Garlic and Red onion
5. rempah kari (curry powder)
6. garlic powder
7. pinch of salt.

1. Tumis bawang putih dan bawang merah
2. campak kan isi ayam yang sudah dipotong dadu (ikut suka hati nak besar macam mana). Gaul2 kan sikit. (isi ayam digaulkan dengan garlic powder terlebih dulu)
3. Taburkan rempah kari (teaspon is more than enough). kacau2 sikit dan tambah air. biarkan air beransur kering.
4. garam dan sedikit garlic powder (sesuka hati).
5. campakan cili besar.

serve it with prata and mayo. Depend how you like it, me, I put the chicken on my prata, add some mayo and roll it. I like it. Btw, the chicken dish has strong taste of tumeric (for my tounge). But the garlic taste is just nice. Oleh kerana terasa macam nak selsema, so thats why I put little extra tumeric in my cooking, and chili. I even eat the chili. kikis habis, except kulit n tulang ayam.

This dish is an anti thesis for healthy eating for (in my case) it is oily plus I add mayo. yes I eat my prata with mayo. hahaha. Bukan senang aku nak masak. kira ok lah.

I have 2 pieces of prata. Instant punya. I dont know how to make prata dough. I dont even know how to masak goreng pisang, so buat prata from scratch is totally off the table.

P/s: marah orang scandinavia dan orang new delhi kalau dorang tahu aku masak macam ni, pastu babitkan makanan/nama mereka.

The Yada Yada Kill Them All.

Earlier this week I was informed about new development in house politics yada yada. Well, in house politics is not something new to me. Trust me I have seen something much much worse. But in the end of day, it is business not personal. Yeah Right!.

First of all, ambitions and ambitious people. Ambition is good in term of it keeps you going and trying to achieve something better. But always remember, if the water can float the ship, means it is capable to sink it too. Being too ambitious or greedy will erode your true talent. But those idiots dont want to hear that. Because they are idiots to begin with.

Ass is stink. Dont kiss it.

Bad people and good people, they are all around us. So the very vital thing to do is, take care your own ass. Keep your friend close and your enemy closer. For enemy has guts and balls to say the truth to you. That's why you shall listen to them.

To people up there, remember, when you are sitting on the throne (at least you feel like it), many people will come to you like ants go after the sugar. But once you are out, then you know, You Shall Walk Alone. And if you create (accidentally or purposely) enemy/enemies while you are in power, they will come after your ass soon after you get up from your throne. It is amazing to see how people can hold their grudges long enough, and only to fire the very fatal weapon from their arsenal of revenge at your weakest moment. Because they live waiting for that moment. Be careful.

What makes me sad the most would be, how these peoples act like politicians, as if we dont have enough politicians in this counrty. And they blatantly say they did what they do in the name of professionalism. Professionalism my ass!!. Their are hungry for power and forgot who they are and what they suppose to do and become.

They pimped their professionalism by acting like pariahs. This is why you shall never let a pariah runs the show. Remember, you let a pariah runs the show, all you get is a Pariah's Show, fresh from ass.

Desire kills. The biggest thing on earth is not the Great Wall of China or Mount Everest, but Desire.

Leave politics to politicians. Let's strive to excel. Shall we?

p/s: If you are smart enough. You wont mess with me. Because if you do, I will killyaalll. My Name is not Khan... well you know what my name is.

Friday, May 28, 2010

James Dean Dari Mata ku.

Aku 2-3 menjak ni suka dengan James Dean. Apa boleh buat aku tak berduit sangat, kalau tak sudah ku borong semua DVD (ada 3 filem jak pun) yang ada muka si James Dean ni. He was/is a legend. He had classic look. Malangnya aku tak pernah jumpa lelaki (in real life) yang ada persona seperti James Dean. At least dress like him. Aku cuma pernah tengok filem Rebel Without A Cause sahaja. Gila old skool filem ini. Aku tengok pun sebab James Dean, jalan cerita tak suka sangat.

Aku selalu google2 macam mana nak "kelihatan" seperti James Dean.

1. Tshirt putih
2. Jeans Biru
3. Jaket kulit hitam
4. Ankle Boots.

Tapi trust me,nak jadi James Dean takes more than just what you wear but how you wear it. Ada attitude, ada persona, ada characters. James Dean was epitome of Young and Dangerous. Mungkin kerana I have slice of old soul in me, sebab tu aku suka benda lama (kot?). Aku suka juga tengok stail Marlon Brando ketika muda. Damn Hot yo!. Malangnya Brando lebih dikenali sebagai watak Don Corleone. Dia menjadi tua, and some people had difficulty to accept that and even became offensive with his physical look. Dia tua, what did you expect?

Dan aku bersetuju dengan Hollywood, lelaki yang muka iras iras James Dean di Hollywood ialah James Franco.

James Dean memang ditakdirkan menjadi lagenda. Dia mati muda, so we can always remember him in his (preserved) good look.

cerita makcik.

My parents, brothers, sis in law, and my niece are going to Sarawak to spend extra long weekend there. Harvest festival season in Sabah and Sarawak. This weekend will be the grand finale.

I miss my niece already. Selalu ejek2 dia, for her slightly tanned skin. I love you no matter what kiddo. Hey, doesnt matter what colour of your skin is, because the rest of the world is not all white either. You tell that to whoever dare to ejek2 you, including me. my skin is darker compare to my sister. I am ok with it. Yang penting hati mau baik. (walaupun selalu hati ku bukan sebaik mana).

I love my niece, usually I never prefer kids. I dont like them, they dont like me. But my niece is a big BIG exception. For I was there, in a hospital, the day she was born. One of reason I choose to enroll in UMS Post Grad because I want to stay close with my family. I must admit my journey in UMS is pretty bumpy one, I accept that. Some even wonder why on earth I choose UMS over UKM for post grad study. But in return, I have chance to spend more time with my family. UMS' location offers me that, and I always prefer KK than Bangi.

My niece is smart one, she loves sing along with her favourite tv shows' themes, when they are aired (kid's show banyank nyanyi2), one of her favourite is Ultraman Cosmos, she loves the theme song, and so do I. She loves to scribble, conteng-conteng, telling story, and surprisingly she loves animal, be it insects, birds, cats, sometimes even, dog.

Oh ya, she knows what "loading" is whenever she watches youtube. yes, my almost 3 years old niece sudah pandai main internet. They start young these days.

She always fancy insect like ants and beetles. I dont know why. I am not an insect person. But I am glad she has interest with those creatures. My early advice it is a great hobby, but for profession, sila lah cari kerja lain, nurse kah, cikgu inggeris kah, lawyer kah, akauntan kah, penguatkuasa kastam and so on... trust me Biology related job ni tidak glemer pekerjaannya, asyik kena interrogate masa kenduri kendara. Tu tak masuk kena sindir2 lagi tu.

She'll turn 3 this coming 7th June. Just a day after my mom's birthday. I have a very amazing experience so far with my niece. I enjoy watching her growing healthily, learning new things everyday, and simply being a kid and having fun. We love her. I hope someday she will read this piece.

Macam too early pula.. suppose I write this for her birthday. Anyway, miss her so much.

P/s: I made myself a simple (late) lunch. no biggie, but I think I eat much much smaller portion these days.

P/s 2: Tahniah kepada Puan Green Apple kerana bakal menerima cahaya mata ke 2. seronok aku baca travel posts kau ke gold coast.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Naz who?

aku baru saja reda dari memaki hamun ni. Aku penat. Last week aku memaki 3 hari straight. the fourth day aku flat, exhausted sangat sangat. Entah2 pahala pun surut sudah. Hari ni... sesi memaki bermula kembali.

This is regarding Death of Dio. Aku dapat tahu berita itu terlewat sangat2. mengikut tarikh rasmi, Dio meninggal pada 16 May 2010. Aku ada viva voce/thesis defense pada 17 may 2010. Sadly my session was cancelled at the last minute. The very morning it was originally scheduled. sampai hari ini I am still waiting the new date for my viva voce session.

Aku punya marah. Well.. nda payah lah cerita disini, ini pasal cerita lain.

Sebab itu aku terlepas perkara seperti kematian Dio. two weeks before 17 May, aku sangat busy. I have thesis to defense, mind you. of course Bangsat Pengecut Naz, wouldnt mind about this. dia akan cakap.. siapa peduli... well, I CARE!.

selepas beberapa posts yang penuh dengan amarah, only then aku tulis pasal kematian Dio.

lepas tu si Naz yang tiada email ni (entah2 online pun pakai kompite opis) tiba2 mau defend mat mat metal.. woit Naz, kalau kau betul berani mau defend mat metal ni sila lah letak email at least, ini pengecut macam mau mati. Ini jenis jantan merempat di rumah mertua lah ni. (yes, i dont check before I write this, kan ku apa ya menyusui mentua mu di mana)

Pasal mat metal jadi faggot pegang dslr ni. Ini kenyataan lah, nda tahu lah cocksucker like Naz tiada deria untuk memerhatikan demam dslr yang melanda negara sekarang. Dulu dslr ni beberapa orang saja yang pakai. sekarang ni semua pun mau join hobi fotografi. SEMUA ORANG.

Nda percaya kalau aku cakap ramai mat metal jadi mat photo? terpulang lah bangsat. lepas tu in the end of his comment, boleh pula tulis, "marah kau lai?". Kau belum nampak lagi aku marah.

nda percaya mat metal jadi mat faggot pegang kamera slr? observe sekali lagi, in case kau urang pimping lah kan. Even ada yang organise faggot camp.I mean foto kem. cuba kau check attendance foto kem tu.

di malaysia ni bermusim. dulu ada musim kikik, musim breakdance, musim hiphop, musim indie, musim AF, dan musim dslr. musim yang dimaksudkan di sini kalau ditulis dalam inggeris, maksudnya trend. (check thesaurus kau Naz, karang kau cakap pula musim dalam english ialah "season").

Mat metal, walaupun metal tapi tidak terlepas dari menceburkan diri dalam trend dslr ni. Selain dari mereka, antara peminat dslr trendy ialah, guru-guru, penjawat awam dan swasta, pelajar kolej, penganggur, pemain judi katam katam, pengecut with no balls, dan peminat akademi fantasia. ingat Naz, the world is not revolving around you or mat metal sahaja.

Pengomen pengecut macam Naz ni, sama jijik keji bangsat dengan pemain judi katam katam yang siyall lakhnat macam haram jaddah merempat di rumah mertua pembiak tegar pengharap duit subsidi kerajaan.

entah2 Naz ni pun faggot dslr dalam lemari (closeted dslr faggot). Nda pun ahli bersekutu Kumpulan Black Eyes Gay. tapi mengaku jadi mat metal.

I have nothing against those who love photography or gadget like camera or phone with camera or shit alike. Aku pun suka gambar yang cantik. Tapi sekarang ni ada orang beli kamera dslr kerana trendy, kerana semua orang ada, and banyak lagi lah kerana dia, bukan sebab minat sangat pun fotografi segala ni. Nothing wrong with that too. Biasalah kan trend. semua jadi mat trendy. Aku akui ada juga yang memiliki dslr kerana memang pekerjaan mereka memerlukan dslr atau memang betul2 minat.

Well, camera is a tool. dont just capture beautiful but soul-less picture. Capture memory too. Every photo has its own story. Show what you shot, not what you edit. Then... let the photo tells the story.

p/s: marahkan Naz, abis semua pukul rata kena maki, faggot dslr, pemain judi katam2, dan juga pembiak tegar yang merempat di rumah mertua.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Mari membeli belah

I went shopping today. After a very very long time. Bought pair of shoes. Loafers actually, brown in colour. Murah murah sahaja. First I really wanted and planned to buy Porsche by Adidas. Tapi harga... almost MYR 400.

It is not like I really need almost MYR 400 sneakers, what I need now is a pair of proper shoes for all events. Those Porsche are really alluring but of course damn expensive. Splitting between the almost MYR 400 per pair and Lacoste which cost wayyyyyy more, about MYR 550 (but less than MYR 600). I decided to drop both.

I'll buy them later. Lepas bergaji ya. Layyyytttteeeeeeer.

My Viva Voce session will be rescheduled, anytime now. So I need shoes. Borrowed a pair from my sister, which not fit so well with me. Size problem. Sekarang sudah beli, more or less problem solved. And Viva me please.

Also I bought a watch. not for me, for my Ma. She will be retired in 2 weeks time, and celebrated her birthday at the same time. I have planning to buy her watch for quite some times already. Today I bought her one. I am happy.

Her watch slipped while we were walking somewhere in KL in 2007. Sayang gila jam tu... sayang sangat sangat. I think She bought the watch around 1990, lost in 2007, during my graduation week. Nah.. punya sedih... aku pun turut sedih dan rasa bersalah.

I promised myself to buy her new one since the day she lost her most precious watch. Oleh kerana akan retired soon... so I think now is the perfect time to give her one.

BUT... jam yang aku beli is way cheaper than her previous watch. I cannot afford to buy her the same watch. The previous watch was a Raymond Well's, pure gold strap, studded with diamond inside. ha... di celah mana aku nak cedok duit beli Jam Raymond Well's itu? It cost more than MYR 1000 may be almost MYR 2k in 1990. Sekarang kau rasa2 dengan harga emas dan inflasi segala... berapakah harga jam itu?

One of reason I didnt buy the kasut adidas mahal gila tu sebab nak beli jam lah. huhu.

I bought her jam biasa2 saja. Casio to be exact. ada 3 pilihan tadi 2 casio, 1 alba. yang Casio 1 lagi tu ialah almost perfect imitation of her previous watch. Tapi dia punya build/body macam tak tegap sangat (I mean like fragile sikit lah). Than I considered to buy alba.. tapi macam kecil sangat... not suitable with my mom. Alba ni jam akak akak Missy missy githoo, kecil. Than I decided to buy her Casio yang tak lah macam Raymond Well's (jauh panggang). Tapi compare to the other casio, this one is more tegap or well built. I happy with my choice.

Cash and Carry.

Hope she likes the watch. kalau tak suka/tak sesuai, I promise, I'll buy her another layyyytttteeeeeer. Tapi bawa dia ke kedai lah, suruh pilih sendiri. Anything you like. Mau beli 2 pun nda kisah. But layyyytttteerr bukan sekarang. Anakanda nak beli laptop dulu ya.

Bye Bye Dio

Ronnie James Dio dah meninggal pada 16 May 2010.

Tak ada satu orang pun dalam friend list Facebook aku update status mereka. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa. Mungkin kerana mat mat metal sedang sibuk menjadi mat mat faggot pegang kamera dslr. atau tengah sibuk nak bersedia mental dan fizikal untuk Piala Dunia Fifa yang tak lama lagi. Sebagai penonton yang sibuk terjerit2 depan tv untuk menyokong negara orang lain.

Aku tahu berita ni pun melalui blog mat bola. so kiranya ada juga mat bola yang berhati perut selit2kan berita lain.

p/s: aku bukan peminat muzik metal. In fact I prefer music's history than the music itself

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Mari Berhibur

Ok, rehat kejap dari memaki hamun Pasca Ums yang buat kerja macam haram tu.

emm.. ah... aku tengok final AF 8 tadi. Lagu yang boleh kata aku instantly tersuka ialah RSVP dari Maulana, ada groove. I like the song. Rasa macam lagu kumpulan Billyzulkarnain. (Aku tahu Billyzulkarnain ni splinter from ada 1 group lagi.. but sangat lah forgettable group tu aku tak ingat langsung nama dia.. apatah lagi lagu mereka)

Adira masa lagu cover Tiru Macam Saya, serius aku hampa dengar. Tak sungguh2. Tapi masa lagu ke-2. Pergh.... I Like. I thought dia Juara but...

Shahir yang juaranya. Well.. Lagu baru nyanyian Syahir tu, masa at the moment dia nyanyi saja aku dah rasa lagu ni lagu "lama". Lagu baru tapi style dia lama. Aku siap cakap lagi lagu macam ni patut bagi Jay Jay yang nyanyi. Then Adlin pun cakap dalam komen dia, (lebih kurang, but ada agreement disitu) lagu tu macam lagu lama.

Si Iwan, dapat tempat ke 5? err... and Daus pula Ke 3.

Apa2 hal pun rezeki masing2.

Apa pun tahniah kepada KRU especially Big Boss Norman kerana at least put some vision ke atas kerjaya nyanyian produk AF pada kali ini. Nyanyi pun sedap, muka pun boleh tahan, video muzik pun cantik2, lagu2 pun sedap2.

Aku pun kutuk AF ni every now and then. But when the product is good then it is good lah. Aku tak berapa buy slogan "kita mesti support artis tempatan bla bla" slogan. Artis and their team must deliver first, then pulangkan kepada pengguna untuk memilih. Kalau kau buat produk compang camping jangan lah hanya bergantung kepada slogan cliche tu.

Btw, video muzik Adira cantik. Indoness sikit.. but ok lah.

Tadi aku menengok Trailer Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa. Ini pun produk KRU. Honestly, Filem cicakman aku tak suka.. sebab bermacam2 lah malas tulis. But Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa ni looks like very promising. Aku bukan nak tengok aspek CGI mantap, kostum menarik, pelakon hensem.. bila aku tengok wayang, first thing first "cerita" /storyline. Of course dengan bantuan teknologi CGI, duit berkepok2 untuk buat kostum mahal.. the movie jadi from good to awesome.

That's why aku suka Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam. Sebab cerita dia (walaupun aku pertikaikan Timeline cerita tu.. anyway.. overall i like the story). Salah satu sebab aku tak suka filem Cicakman juga ialah cerita dia. So, kau bubuh lah teknologi CGI macam mana maveles pun tetap aku tak suka. CGI pretty fake aku terima (well di Malaysia ni biasalah masalah modal kan.. aku paham) tapi kalau jalan cerita macam haram (tanya Ahmad Idham dan Prof Madya tu, mereka memang pakar dalam hal ini) memang aku marah lepas menonton.

Another product from KRU, filem Magika. Ini pun aku rasa cerita lain dari yang lain. Macam best juga, from trailer.. I think patut diberi peluang.

Emm... ada filem Malaysia Hoopperz ke tajuk apa ntah. Hari tu masa tayang di pawagam aku nak tengok but sadly showtime cuma sekali sehari tu pun pukul 12.30 pm or 11.45 am, macam tu lah. Susah aku nak squeeze kan dalam jadual aku... so aku tak tertengok filem itu dipanggung. Frust juga.. tapi aku harap ada dijual DVD nya soon. Aku nak beli.

Aku bukan nak preaching ke or berslogan dengan belilah barangan tempatan or nak bash produk tempatan buta2 macam tu saja. For me, if it is a good movie it is a good movie. Tak kisah lah dari Indon or Malaysia or Hollywood. Same thing lah kalau it is a bad movie the it is bad lah.

Sampai sekarang ku rasa antara filem Shah Rukh Khan yang aku suka ialah Swades dan Ashoka bukan Kuch Kuch Hota Hai dan Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham. still aku belum tengok Devdas secara dari awal sampai akhir (nak cari DVD tak tercari2). And My Name Is Khan was a big let down for me. (iya aku suka tengok filem Shah Rukh Khan... sila gelak. happy?)

Transformers 2 aku tak suka sebab cerita macam haram jaddah harap CGI saja lebih.

Kepada orang orang kreatif di Malaysia, Jangan putus asa, teruskan berkarya, bekerja. If your product is good, I'll buy it. Kepada yang suka bashing produk2 tempatan (filem, muzik), why dont you give a try. Ada yang bagus juga.

Just I wonder.... why on earth they cast Stephen Rahman Hughes for the main role in Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa? I mean... terang2 muka dia muka orang putih. Bukan aku racist ya... Kalau Denzel Washington,( a great actor he is..) melakonkan watak Nixon. tak kah janggal somewhere.. op koz lah orang boleh put make up and all.. in the end of day, people will ask.. "apa tak ada pelakon caucasian lain ke kau nak suruh berlakon watak Nixon? sampai ambil Denzel Washington berlakon".

Aku punyai harapan tinggi agar Merong Mahawangsa ni jadi boxoffice. Dalam trailer tu aku tengok ada Khir Rahman (far better actor dari si Farid Kamil... so.. kasi lah dia watak utama ya filem producer sekalian) dan kalau tak silap ada Craig Fong (remember him? from Spinning Gasing).

p/s: Aku suka filem epik atau filem dengan setting masa/tempat dulu2/sejarah... ok that explain why I like Ashoka.... and kenapa aku sangat berharap dengan Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

D-Day: Dateless

I want 27 May as my new date for my viva voce session. I dont care, Make It Happen. Last time Pasca fixed a date for my viva voce, it was cancelled without notice. This time, I fix it myself.

I dont care what happen, I dont care how but I want 27 May for my viva voce session. Before this I fitted myself into Pasca's schedule, but they messed up. Now, I will ramp my schedule to their throat.

I will hunt you down, And make sure it is a hell for you.

I WANT 27 MAY. Make it Happen. Dont worry, I'll bring my own knife.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

D-Day:17 May 2010 I'll bring my own knife next time

**CAUTION**: Pos in ditulis dengan niat untuk menyerang. It is from my heart ache. Aku simpan ini semalaman sebelum publish kerana aku expect Pasca akan bertaubat dalam masa 24 jam. Aku silap. They are still as lousy as they always be. It is their curse.

after countless of sleepless nights, 2 years of research and brohahaha, 2 weeks of preparation what did I get, Viva Voce cancellation. My Viva Voce cancelled on the very morning it was initially scheduled. Because of technicality. Or so they called it.

I was very very very very hell on earth angry. Still I am. I am beyond angry. It is raging, boiling, I am FURIOUS. I feel like a victim. I AM A VICTIM. After Pasca UMS scavenged my money like a bunch of filthy vultures, now they after my times. Fuck Them.

I was that angry, I even ready to see TNC. But my boss said, be patience, because it is only going to get ugly. Well nothing is uglier than this. I AM READY TO RUMBLE. I call for the head of officer in charge****deleted****. Because he is sooo sloppy in doing his job, he successfully makes me wait another 3 weeks at least. Being a the fuckest sonofbitch of all, Pasca would have no problem to extend the promised 3 weeks to another 3 weeks. It is endless. It is painful. It is painful enough, I want to eat his head for my lunch.

I am doing whatever I can to get his fat ass fired. I dont care if he has 10 mouths to feed at home or anything. He messed up, he must eat his own shits. I'll make few phone calls. Do you think I am happy to see a bread winner in a family losing his job? NO. Hell No. But ****deleted***himself, put me in a very volatile difficult position. I dont even know what to think. Because All I can feel is flame, burning deep inside me. ****deleted**** must be responsible, takes the blame as a man he is. The lousy FAT FUCK.

I call for blood. You fuck with my schedule, I'll cut you throat.

This moron officer doesnt know that THE LONGER WE STAY THE MORE WE PAY. My form asking for financial assistance didnt even get stamped, let alone approved. My opinion is not valid. My anger is not a threat. BUT THEY FUCKING LOVE TO FUCK WITH MY MONEY. So what else? just sit tight, gulping down whatever shits from Pasca, waiting and waiting while watching life pass you by? Tell ****deleted***to do that. Tell the whole admin team to do that. Tell them, they get paid to do their jobs and duties. Tell ***deleted*** to wait for 3 weeks delay for his salary. We see how he would react. tell those assholes lazy pembantu pembantu tadbir to wait for another 3 weeks for their gaji... tak terbakar semua orang....

WHAT THE HELL IS PASCA WANTS? Money? what? More stamped and signed form?. Tell me.... please....... I hate when pasca fuck around with my times like they own it.

Someone must go down. I dont know who is blacksheeping who. But it could be me be the victim. Again and Again. I Will Kill Them All, If they dare to fuck around with my times. They took my money, now they demand my times. More and more. fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I think it is fair if I demand for their blood.

If they ever lost or misplaced my form/draft ever again, I'll guarantee nothing but suffer.

Students are suffering in silence because of bureaucracy shits. Where is our right?. Why students always be the victim?. Why make us victims. For goodness sake, we students, are the paying clients. fuck fuck fuck.

They sent me a memo about the date of my viva voce (to be exact, I fetched the memo myself because they are genetically stupid, their kids need to be aborted or neutered for the sake of population). Without knowing that another copy of dissertation never reach the examiner.

How could ***deleted*** decide a Viva's date without proper reports from both examiners? Yes, I sent 2 copies of my draft to Pasca. Those moronic ****deleted*** only sent 1 copy to an examiner. WHERE IS THE STANDARD HERE?

If Pasca couldnt stick to her rules. Dont impose any rules on me. What rules? Pasca rules are all about Pasca fucks around like a bastard from filthy hole of brothel and get away with students' cash.

My Viva Voce is rightfully mine, Pasca snatched it like pengecut with no balls.

This pengecut with no balls should be hanged.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

D-Day:17 May 2010 Less than 24 hours before

It's raining outside. Not heavily, no storm. But raining still. I have wet clothes hanging in my dorm. Razman texted me earlier today. Asked me for my viva's date. I told him the rest of the details. He wished me luck. Thank you.

I dont know what to feel. I consider, I feel neutral. Or rather nothing, may be this is what happen when you are doing something for quite sometimes, you are numbed by times or sort of that.

I am not calm. Not in chaos either. The strangest part is, I worry about my damp clothes more than my tomorrow viva voce. I dont know what the hell is that.

spoke to my mother by phone. Everything is pretty normal at home. I am alone here. Being me, I think for now it is better for me being alone. A time like this, I am less explosive when I am alone. Or... I am not explosive at all.

Suddenly, this morning, I missed the time when I was cramming for exam. Yes, as nerdy as it's sound, I think I miss it still. I remember back then I drank Air Surah Yassin, which I made myself for me (I didnt know how exactly, but I recite Yassin in front of a bottle of water) before I went for my General Genetics paper exam. I was caught by a friend when I was drinking it. I was that scared, sampai minum air penerang hati. I got A for my General Genetics. =).

And, I realized, I dont recite Yassin or Quran that often, especially recently. No thanks to Internet. I sholud recite Quran more often I guess.


I just exchanged comments on Facebook . friends. I was giving my opinion about female boss. for me, Good boss is a good boss, regardless sex. My friend has some sort of repellent against female bosses, may be from her experiences working under female bosses. She said, she couldnt preform well under female bosses.

But, I stick with my previous statement, Good boos is a good boss. I have been working under male and female boss. By saying working here, it is not a paid job. More like working under supervision. I have no problem with male or female boss. They are equal to me. I dont judge boss because of their sexes.

This friend, sort of downgrade my opinion because job I have been doing is not a real job. She said wait until you are working (real job). May be, my opinion is not valid to her. Err.. little did she knows, I work with my father on ad hoc basic, it is too, however a not real job. I am my dad's part time clerk. And I tell you he is not a very pleasant boss either. Especially during tax season, and I hate numbers. He is a bossy boss. Of course boss is bossy because he is the boss. If your colleague is bossy, then you shall complain, But if your boss is bossy to you and you hate it, you shall resign. because, read the mantra, "he is the boss".

It is not the first time people downgrade my opinion because I dont have a real job. Some friends even ridicule my financial status because of the same reason, and I am still studying. I often laugh at them, because they dont know me. Of course I look sloppy all the time, wear the same inexpensive clothes, this and that. I look like this because I am comfortable with this kind of appearance.

I dont drink RM15 latter because it is too expensive for me plus I dont really like coffee. I dont eat that often at Secret Recipe because their portion is too small for me, beside the cakes are often too sweet for my tounge. I have only 1 pair of jeans, because I prefer khakis trousers and cotton boxer short. I dont buy my shirt and dress at MNG because they sold too skimpy clothing.

I dont use credit card, because I dont have any. Plus, my father constantly reminds us the danger of debt and credit card abuse. But I do have bankcard.

They ridicule a daddy's girl.

hahahaha... I laugh at these peeps who just have chance to taste their first few thousands ringgit and talk to me like I know nothing about money. I help my father with his tax documents remember? And do I need to remind you I am a daddy's girl?. People laugh at my father because he drives very old proton waja. And we laugh at them during dinner. Because those people are stupid enough, they measure a man's wealth by merely looking at what car he drives.

I look like I dont have much money. Because I dont. But doesnt mean I dont have it at all. Friends, just enjoy your thousands bucks. Trust me, you dont know me.

I think I am ok. I can afford for my meals, pay my bills, fueling my car, enough clothes in my cupboard, and roof above my head. Thank God, Alhamdulillah, for all of these. And oh yes, I am 24 going 25, I am debt free. No ptptn loan, no car loan, no credit card standing bills. Just cash to spend for my needs (not for my greeds, I cant afford to entertain my greeds). So what else?

Have you settle your ptptn loan friend? we talk about money after you do, ok?

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Robin Hood- ulasan wayang

Bangkit dan Bangkit sehingga kambing menjadi singa.

Eceh... Robin Hood by Ridley Scott. Kalau kasi gred aku kasi A-. Syok. Lain dari cerita biasa Robin Hood. Cerita ini kisah prior/prequel sebelum Robin Hood menjadi pencuri dan melawan sistem cukai Raja John.

In this story, Robin Hood was a common archer in Richard The Lion Heart's crusaders army. On their way back to England from Jerusalem, King Richard was killed in a final battle in France. He was killed by a cook. (ini kena google aku tak percaya). The King's knight, Sir Robert Loxley decided to send The King's crown back to England, but he was hijacked by Godfrey the two faced agent, an English works for King Philip of France.

Nak di jadikan cerita, Robin and his friends were there. They found dying Loxley. In his dying breath Loxley asked Robin to send his sword back to his father, Sir Walter Loxley of Nottingham, and the crown back to England. So, Robin took the sword and the crown, riding on The King's horse, and crossing the channel on the King's ship as Sir Robert Loxley.

After presented the crown to Richard's mother, and Richard's brother, John was crowned as new King, Robin proceeds to Nottingham to hand Sir Robert's sword back to his father.

dipendekkan cerita, (sebab memang cerita panjang gila). Robin dianggap sebagai anak oleh Sir Walter, dan Robin membantu dalam proses mengumpulkan the northern nobles to not against the King (yet) but to stop the French from invading England. Robin terjatuh cinta pula dengan isteri Sir Robert, Lady Marion. Sir Walter suruh Marion anggap Robin sebagai Robert supaya Marion dapat mewarisi harta pusaka keluarga Loxley yang sebanyak 5 ribu ekar tu. Tanpa suami harta itu akan dirampas.

Watak-Watak, Babak-Babak, dan Suka/tidak

aku suka, sebab cerita ni lain dari cerita yang kita selalu tengok/baca/dengar pasal robin hood. Tapi, aku rasa aku lebih tertarik dengan watak Lady Marion, yang memang rajin berusaha, dan gagah berani, sebagai wanita di zaman feudal. Walaupun seorang bangsawan, dia juga bekerja keras di ladang. Dia menentang cukai bodoh2 yang dikenakan oleh Raja, sebab sampai pak mertua dia jatuh miskin pun kena cukai. Tak cukup dengan cukai, benih2 bijirin pun raja nak rampas. She even has gut to ask from the paderi for not sending the seeds to York. apa punya bodoh lah paderi tu, orang kat Nottingham kelaparan dia boleh following the bishop order pulak. Lady Marion juga join sekali dalam perlawanan menentang France.

Strangely, I think, Godfrey character is lacking of evil. Dia cuma botak, the scar near his mouth didnt really help to make him looks mean. But I like he speaks French. Talam bermuka dua kena ada keupayaan berbahasa, ini ok. I like.

The Merry Men. Walaupun the merry men (Little John, Friar Tuck,) terasa seperti half significant in this movie. Aku rasa sesuai tidak ditekankan watak2 the merry men. Kerana, dalam masa ni Robin Hood belum lagi "rob the richer and give it to the poor" dan teknikalnya mereka belum lagi "merry men, the merry men". Robin Hood sekarang ni masih lagi seorang ex crusaders. So sesuai disana.

Robin Hood... Ok, lah... macam aku kata, aku lebih suka watak Lady Marion. Pendek katanya watak si Russel Crowe kali ini tak sehebat penangan watak2 beliau dalam cerita lain yang aku suka.

Tapi aku kesian gila dengan watak Sir Walter. A partially senile blind old man. Termengalir juga lah air mata sikit2. First when, his menantu, Marion tak sampai hati nak beritahu Robert dah mati. And Marion asked Robin to tell his father, Robert is now fighting in Jerusalem. But soon as Robin hands the sword to Sir Walter. the old guy knows his son was dead. Sebab dia tanya "how can Robert protect himself without his sword". (lebih kurang). ke-2 masa si Godfrey said to him, he killed Robert, masa tu memang lah marah orang tua tu. dah terketar2 pun still he managed to swing his sword and injured Godfrey. Op koz Gofrey killed him, later.

Marion, dia pun sedih juga masa Robin beritahu "Robert dah mati ni nak pulangkan pedang Robert kepada ayahnya" (masa ni Robin tak tahu Marion ni bini si Robert). I wonder mula2 apasal lah Marion ni cool juga masa lepas sedih/blank sekejap. I thought she being strong sebab pak mertua dia. Sekali... rupanya... they were married for about a week, then Robert went joining the crusade. Sebelum tu mereka tak bercintan cintun sangat pun. kira arranged married lah lebih kurang.

Fighting scene, tidak begitu intense. Ok, each time fighting scene dalam kepala hotak aku ialah The Gladiator, scene The Romans vs The Goths (eh? lupa lah..). Mungkin kerana Russel Crowe dan Ridley Scott. Tapi good thing is... fighting scenes were very organic. bukan CGI loaded... tapi macam fighting scene dalam Gladiator (masa tentera berperang bukan dalam gelanggang) atau macam dalam The Braveheart atau the Patriot (haha.. korang dah boleh agak aku suka siapa kan.. hehe). Fighting scene organic macam ni lah aku suka.

Aku suka raja philip bercakap french. Sebab selalu orang putih ni, walaupun orang roman tetap cakap english. Kira ok lah ni.. dia cakap french, konco2 si Godfrey pun cakap french.

all in all... bagi review aku yang caca marba ni. Aku suka cerita ni kerana jalan ceritanya. Walaupun watak Russel Crowe tu aku tak rasa hebat sangat pembawaannya. Still it is a good movie. walaupun agak meleret.. macam review aku juga. Plus.. ni macam cerita historical, dan yang paling penting scene di ENGLAND!. Classic uolls.

Friday, May 14, 2010


A NS trainee gave birth to a baby boy in toilet. detail here.

first of all... What the hell? secondly... well... it's not really surprising. She is about 17-18 years old I guest, 9 months ago she was still in school. When she in the middle of her preparation for SPM, a 20 years old man (damn.. this boy was born in 1990? 1989?) had sex with her. What the hell? if she was barely 17 when they had sex. That was a rape.

These two numbnuts are stupid as hell. They are kids, kids shouldnt reproduce. They should stay in school and talk about Justin Bieber or Tokio Hotel.

They didnt bother to use condom. I doubt if they know what condom is.

In my Kampung, there is 18 years old engaged to a 30 something years old man. From their photos in facebook, I think the relationship started when the girl was still in school. The fuckest of all would be the parents of the girl. The parents/parent consented the relationship. again, What the hell?. You are marrying your little girl to a hairy 30 something years old fat ass boroi kancil driving, who is still living under his parents' roof. What are you thinking parents?

This late 30 is stupid, bangang nak mampos, apa tak ada wanita kah yang kau boleh tackle? sampai nak kahwin dengan budak. I know she is already 18 years old. But today's 18 years old is not the same with 18 years old in 1960's. Tu nak memantat lah tu. She is freakin' 18. eighteen.

There are countless cases in my kampung, grown ass man married a little girl, who is half of his age, IC perempuan tu start dengan angka 9. Ada yang jadi bini ke-2 lagi. And the girl's parents give their blessing. Apa bangsat betul lah pemikiran macam ni. Main taram saja kahwin kan anak. Aku rasa parents macam ni memang mengharap bakal cucu dia mendapat bantuan kerajaan sepenuhnya.. dari lahir, sekolah, sampai mati.

Leave the school girls alone. Man, you are an adult, use your freakin brain. And parents, stop selling your own daughter. orang macam ni kalau musim holokaus, patut di hantar ke bilik gas, gassed them to dead.

D-Day:17 May 2010 Behind The Scene 3

I have done my presentation slides. My boss gave some comments. Thank you very much. I hate public speaking still. but this is thing that I do. Presenting research finding. And defend it.

No I wont defend it with my life. It is a research not a Gospel. It is from me, a human. Of course mistakes are made somewhere. But I appreciate so much, in advance, if the panel not eating me alive.

Btw, countless of sleepless nights are really drying my energy up. I feel older than my age. People said sleep is beauty. Yes, it is.


regarding my job interview on last wenesday. I dont have good feeling about it. I was under preform and ill prepared. I dont want to play a blame game. I know those interviewers wont read this but I want to just say it. Just to let it out of my chest.

Dear Interviewers,

I am not perfect. On paper, it is clear, I am just an average, or slightly below. But since I was 15, I knew, Biology is where my heart is. This is what I want to do. Studying biology and share it with younger bloods. I have no proper training in teaching. My experience is limited. I am may be is not the best team player, neither do I a good leader. I am a self confess introvert. I am not as timid as you think I am. I am not as fierce as wounded lion either.

Timid or fierce, one thing I sure, I can teach Biology. I dont know how. But, yes I can.

As cliche as it's sound, I am willing to learn. I am yet 25 years old, I am a good investment. I guarantee you that. If my current qualifications are not enough, give me some time, I'll give you more. I'll serve it on a silver platter if requested.

What I need now is an opportunity. Me, a nobody, asking for an opportunity. It is in your hand, I am not saying I deserve it more than others, but the opportunity that I need is in your hand. If you give it to me, I thank you in advance.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Korang ingat tak zaman dulu kala, di muka depan berita harian ada kolum/kotak "macam-macam". Aku suka baca benda tu dulu. hehe..

ok unrelated lah saja jak aku tulis mula2 macam tu.
Tadi aku ada interview. First in 2 years kot? last time aku interview bersama petronas cari gali. Yang sangat menakutkan.

Tadi aku takut juga. Main jawab2 jak. Ada part macam I think I blew it big time. Aku bab presentation, persembahan depan khalayak ni memang lemah. Tapi kalau mengarut dalam blog.. berkajang2 aku boleh taip.

Entah lah.... biasa2 jak lah. Aku harap dan doa lah dapat post tu Sebab: 1) op koz sebab aku nak kerja+bergaji. 2) Sesuai dengan bidang aku dan jawatan/kerja tu aku rasa aku boleh tahan buat untuk tempoh masa bertahun2.

Where my heart is.. kononnya. (wahai penemuduga, dapatkah kalian nampak bahawa Biologi ini ialah bidang dimana hati ku sudah dicurahkan).

Harap2 berkat usaha, doa ibu bapa yang dikasihi dan doa orang2 lain yang concern to remember me in their prayers, Aku berharap lah dapat jawatan tu. Kalau ada 1 kekosongan means my chance 50-50. Tapi kalau ada 2 kekosongan harap2 dapat lah jawatan tu.

Interview tu short notice gila gila. Aku tahu isnin malam. tinggal hari selasa saja aku ada masa nak terkial2 buat preparation. Sijil2 pun nasib baik parents dan abang aku sempat bawakan ke sini. Agak tak puas hati lah juga. Tapi tadi applicants lain pun kes lebih kurang jak. Ada sorang tu baru balik dari semenanjung last night.

Ada seorang applicant luncai yang punya over kompiden. Dia kata dia memang kenal rapat dengan dekan (kalau boleh siap nak kait2 jari kelingking lah). Dia kata dia tak payah diinterview panjang2 sebab dekan memang dah kenal dah dengan dia. Siap yakin lagi by end of this year master dia siap.

Aku dalam hati cakap, well son, you speak too soon. About master completion lah. Yang hubungan dia dengan dekan tu tak tahu pula.. mana lah tahu betul rapat (sila imagine gesture kait jari kelingking). Lepas dia blah, aku ngan member2 (ada 2 akak master lain, and I know one of them) siap ngumpat2 budak luncai tu. Pasal dia nak kata dia rapat dengan dekan tu, terpulang lah. Tapi part dia kata "aku dalam hujung tahun ni habis lah master". Aku memang honestly perlekeh dia punya matlamat dan impian tu. Sebab, dia baru enroll dalam semester ni. Ntah2 lab pun belum siap. Kalau data sudah cukup, logik lah dia sedang menulis, and habis by end of this year.

Akak yang kat situ kata, ala mula2 ni memang lah panas2, maksudnya lebih kurang memang kompiden jak habis cepat. Aku kata dalam lower tone, dia belum rasa eksperimen tak jadi, tak berhasil, mesin blow, chemical habis. Aku nak kata jak terus terang.. budak baru belajar macam tu memang bodoh. Dah lah bodoh berlagak pulak. Pergi mati lah ok. Tapi memandangkan nak bertemuduga... I let go jak lah masa tu.

Part berlagak cirit tu ok lagi. Masa jawab soalan essay, ada 3 budak fresh (belum convo) baru habis final exam last week tanya macam mana nak isi particular dalam kertas soalan essay tu. Si Luncai-I-Will-Finish-My-Master-by-The-end-of-this-year tu punya lah jawab kasar. Dia siap kata... "korang ni menggangu konsentrasi aku!". Orang tu tanya saja, well... dia takut tersilap tulis or such... dats all. Yang kau kasar nak mati tu apa jaddah luncai oii... then dia jawab lah pertanyaan budak fresh tu, sambil mendengus2 kau. aku dah toleh2 dah... just in case Luncai tu nak berkurang ajar lagi... meh sini aku ajarkan sikit. Pagi2 morning dah jadi siyall. Kata2 nak melaser dah dihujung2 bibir dah. sebab memang kurang ajar.

Konon dia tulis essay panjang gila, orang lain wajib impressed. Tak impressed pun lagi nak maki ada.

Tadi memang aku cuak katak kerbau segala. Kat hujung2 tu baru ada aku bagi opinion sikit. Tapi yang tak best tu, kawasan lemah sudah dikenal pasti, maka kat situ lah pukulan sauk/julang bintang/tumbuk rusuk dikenakan. Di tanya kenapa pointer matrik aku macam haram, 2.89 sahaja. Aku kata dengan jujurnya.. matematik aku dapat c+ masa tu. memang c pun.

Yang elok2 tak pula dia highlight. Macam kawan aku kata, "yang kau buat comeback tu tak pula dia ambil kira". Itu lah... tapi kalau nak drama2 ni mestilah tumbuk part yang lembut dan mudah patah kan. Aku masa tu dah hampa gila dah... sebab memang aku mengaku, aku lemah maths. I think better dari aku menipu. Ntah2 esok... aku menipu dia kasi pula kerja mengajar kelas maths. Macam haram lah anak murid aku nanti pengetahuan mathsnya. Otomatiknya duit gaji aku pun agak berbau haram pulak...

Bachelor n Master aku pointer ok2, sekadar mencapai standard. Sebab member ada juga kena tanya pasal pointer bachelor dia. Grilled juga dia nak mengeksplain segala. Tapi dia budak pandai, muet band 5 yu...At least tadi oleh kerana aku berterus terang aku memang bodo maths. Kau nak grill celah mana pun dah tak pandai, buat perabis air liur saja.

You take me in, take me in as I am. Tak kan aku nak menipu kan aku pandai maths, aku memang lincah gila bekerja dalam berkumpulan. Honestly, aku bilang, aku ni buat pengecaman tumbuhan. Tumbuhan tu pulak kecil cinonet.. kau nak berkampung beramai buat.. mana nak fokus. Aku pernah cuba Id secara berkumpulan.. memang aku tak gemar. I prefer buat kerja individu. Aku ask for opinion and value it. Tapi tengok bidang lah kan. Gila kau nak berkampung buat ID.. last2 jadi kedai kopi lab tu nanti.

Harap2 dapat lah ya. Memang aku berharap. Aku tak tahu lah, orang kata harapan tinggi senang kecewa. Harapan aku bukan lah tinggi sampai tahap yakin aku akan dapat. Cuma ada lah harapan tu.

Sekarang mari meneruskan perjuangan untuk viva voce pada 17 may yang bakal menjelang. Ni pun, aku harap aku tak lunyai kena grill oleh panel. Bulan may 2010 ini sesungguhnya saat2 menonggeng dan tekanan sekali.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Masih bersisakah hati perut mu?

Aku tak tahu lah apa jaddah lah nak suruh aku terlibat dalam kerja kerja tu. Dah sah sah aku ada viva voce isnin depan. Kata sempat sempat... kau kata sempat kau dah pernah lepas viva kah? come on use your common sense lah... atau kalau common sense is already dried off, guna hati nurani lah sikit. be considerate.

Kerja-kerja last minit ni memang aku tak suka. Apatah lagi masa ni aku sibuk dan ada benda 1000 kali lebih penting nak aku fikirkan. Kau nak jahanamkan aku kah? aku nak conserve energy, physically and mentally for my viva. Satu habuk preparation tak ada, angin tak ada, apa tak ada, tiba2 campak kat aku, walaupun hakikatnya benda tu dicampakkan kepada engkau. And yes, that job is delegated to you. You are not my boss, I wont listen to your order.

Dah lah ada hati nak enjoy the free ride on my work. Kasi idea tak nak buat. alasan alasan alasan memanjang. Lepas tu suruh plan itu ini. Kau ingat kau siapa? baca betul2 I wont take any order from you. You are not my boss, you are not an expert. If I need your opinion I'll ask for one, but the decision is still mine. My call. Bodoh lah kau kalau cuba nak membonekakan aku. This is my turf, I'll show you how game is played here.

Ini lah tin kosong, bunyi lebih, hasil tak ada. asyik alasan sana sini. Salahkan orang lain, salahkan everything under the sun. In the state of denial, konon busy busy busy. siang malam. Aku pun pernah in the state of denial, when I thought I was doing something frutiful tapi sebenarnya aku cuma surf internet siang malam, tengok wayang, dan segala perkara lagha.

Orang boleh tegur, tapi untuk mengeluarkan diri kau dari terperangkap dalam vicious bottomless pit of the denial, hanya lah kau. you need you to do it for you.

Kalau kau try to boss me around, look at yourself. You are a pathetic. You are text book definition of Tin Kosong. Cuma pandai cakap berdegar degar. Hasil kosong. yes sebut kosong, sambil buat simbol kosong dengan jari macam kau selalu buat whenever kau tak puas hati dengan rezeki orang lain. Blaming others wont save your ass. Accepting your weakness is pretty much a very first move to fix it.

Man, Now I understand why you have your own point of view. You are right.

Hippie on LSD

I am waiting for a day when my desire is at its minimum. I am in a nothingness, when I made peace with everything. When I curse less, read more, hate less, and may be not necessarily love more.

When I am no longer feel schadenfraude to people or thing. Neither do I feel unnecessarily proud of my position or belongings or achievements. When I have enough for my needs, and I am not in greed to get what I want. When I am satisfied enough. And whenever I am not, I capable to let it go. For I couldnt change the world or everything in it.

When I feel nothing with what I do and appreciate more what I have. When I less worried. I think by that time I am happy.

p/s: I think, I sound like a hippie

Friday, May 7, 2010

Marah dengan Celcom Broadband.

Celcom Broadband adalah jalang yang bangsat.

Bil bulanan tetap jumlah sama walaupun penggunaan tersekat sekat.

CEO Celcom, take note. Jangan malukan jenama homegrown ni. Tolonglah pertingkatkan kualiti perkhidmatan anda. Jika ada masalah kabel bawah laut terputus, atau satellite terbakar, atau masalah-masalah lain yang menyebabkan perkhidmatan Celcom Broadband menjadi siyall celaka haramjaddah, sila beri rebate kepada pengguna. Kerana kalau aku lambat bayar, korang tak segan silu terus sekat internet. WALAUPUN BIL CELCOM YANG DATANG LAMBAT.

dah sekat internet, kalau nak buat aduan suruh email ke customer servis pulak. Aku nak email guna apa bodoh! Internet aku engkau dah cekik. Bila call pulak di suruh tunggu lama2 sambil dengar iklan dan muzik2 yang menjengkelkan. Gila lama. Patut betul korang rakam perbulan tu, sebab, aku dah maki korang thru the phone.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Update macam marah, tapi cool cool saja.

1. Celcom macam haram celaka. tersekat-sekat siaran dari tadi. Even though the communication tower/pencawang/pemancar/menara piring signal/ whatever you may call is visible from where I park my car. CEO Celcom, please take note ya. The internet service offered by your company is suck.

2. Anjing masuk blok lagi. dan lagi. dan lagi. If 5.45% concentration of HCL didnt enough to prevent the straying dog, I guess I have to find a bomoh. Bomoh halau anjing diperlukan... ada sesiapa kenal? or an Om. Kalau orang sabah tahu lah tu.

3. Tiba-tiba aku ada idea nak buat paper baru. Tajuk biasa2 sahaja. Dan, aku plan nak publish (kalau dapat lah), di peringkat buletin atau newsletter sahaja. Iya, cita2 aku rendah. Orang lain berkejaran nak pergi publish high impact journal. Tak apa.. korang pergi lah dulu, buat masa ni, aku nak jadi manusia biasa sahaja. Pergi lah try publish dalam Science. Nanti kalau kena reject baru kau tau betapa insignificant kertas kau tu.

Aku tak tahu lah apa lah lah yang dikejar2 sampai nak sangat sangat sangat publish dalam high impact. For me, as long as it is published, ok dah tu, dah palu kompang, bentang karpet merah dah. Iya, contrary to popular belief, ramai saintis yang menulis kerana nama dan pangkat (mungkin juga duit). Circulation of knowledge and contribution to society come... err... like 204th.

Me? I am writing for... entah lah... aku nak menulis dan get it published. orang nak hargai atau tidak, nak baca atau nak campak masuk dalam laci, atau biar dalam inbox email sebagai old mail with pdf file attached, terpulang.

Masalah sekarang, tiada seketul reference pun ada dalam bilik tidur aku. Aiseyman...

4. Celcom Broadband service is suck ass. (sengaja aku tulis lagi sekali).

5. Aku beli bagpack baru. Finally selepas beberapa tahun. Dah lama nak beli bag baru. Tapi asyik2 terbeli bag salah. Hari tu aku ada beli gym bag. Tapi aku pergi bersilat sokmo pakai bag plastik shopping. Sebab aku letak kunci, wallet, henpon, dan towel jak pun. so... tak payah guna gym bag pun ok.

Harga bag tu kira ok lah. Kedai tu kata dah less 30%. Camel Mountain. The North Face tu aku berkenan sangat tapi about RM20++ lebih mahal dari bag yang aku beli. Aku pilih saiz sedang2.. 2 compartment utama, ada poket2. Ada yang lebih besar dengan harga sama. Tapi beg tu cuma ada 1 compartment besar. Tak apa... I am glad with my choice. walaupun terabak sikit wallet.

6. Nak beli kasut loafers, Untuk viva voce nanti (dan konvo.. hehehe). Kasut flat bata yang aku beli 2 tahun lepas dah rabak dah tumitnya. Rasanya, baju dan slack tak payah beli baru kot. dah ok dah apa yang ada. But I do need new loafers. kalau tak kompom pakai sport sandal jenama Power aku pergi viva nanti.

7. Aku nak naik gunung, hujung bulan ni. Sebab tu juga aku beli bag pack baru. Kena sponsor kos mendaki, aku cuma mungkin perlu bayar makan sahaja. Tempat dah ada, what I need to do is, just be there. And my mom gave me her ok. Kasut dah ada dah... alat2 lain yang tak cukup pun.. just 2-3 things sahaja. ok kot.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Hanjeng: bukan entry memaki

Semalam, macam biasa aku tidur lambat. Di pendekan cerita aku cuci kain, di bilik basuh. Tiba2 ada seekor anjing hitam masuk ke bilik basuh. Aku panik lah. Anjing tu pergi ke hujung koridor sebab di penghuni bilik hujung letak sampah dan sisa makanan dalam bakul sampah di luar bilik. Anjing binatang, sudah tentu cari makan. Sah-sah aku maki budak tu dulu, sebab sampah beliau lah yang menarik anjing tu masuk ke blok.

Kemudian aku cuba halau anjing, sambil pintu separa tertutup. Konon pintu tu sebagai perisai lah. Aku jerit2 supaya dia takut. Sekali anjing menyalak balik, siap terkeluar gusi dia tayang gigi, dan kaki belakang dia agak lowered, as if it was going to jump. aku panik katak. Cepat2 aku tutup pintu.

Aku cuba panggil2 mana tahu kalau ada sesiapa penghuni aras yang masih bangun. Kebetulan ada seorang perempuan sedang bertelefon. Dia pun tanya2 aku mana anjing tu. Aku cakap anjing hitam tu dah lari ke arah tangga. Dia kata tadi dia nampak brown puppy, ala2 comel tak merbahaya. Aku kata, yang aku nampak ni bukan puppy, tapi bapak anjing gila garang. Budak tu insist it was just a puppy. Semasa kami berbual2... aku cakap.. kat dia "tu haa.. di belakang (kau) tengok lah". Ada sekumpulan anjing di belakang beliau, cepat2 dia tutup pintu keluar at the other end of the corridor.

Kelam kabut juga aku masuk ke bilik, siap2 cuci kain semua (yang aku buat ala kadar, akibat ketakutan). Then, sudah siap semua, aku tutup pintu bilik basuh, Sudah siap2 semua, aku pergi tandas, masukan semua selipar dalam bilik. Tak lama kemudian ada bunyi anjing berjalan2 sambil berbunyi2 di luar bilik aku. Cis bedebah sungguh anjing-anjing ni.

Anjing hitam tu dah beberapa kali dah aku nampak selongkar sampah budak bilik hujung tu. Ini lah ni, bila tinggal bilik asrama tapi dia buat macam rumah. Memasak segala, lepas tu sisa bersepah, tak pandai pula tutup pintu koridor, sudahnya anjing masuk lah.

Masa aku di ukm dulu, selalu juga masalah anjing ni. Tapi dalam aku semester 2 pihak kolej dan budak2 lelaki telah tangkap anjing tu. Kat sana dulu tak banyak, mungkin ada 2-3 ekor. Pergh... semangat gila budak lelaki tangkap anjing tu dulu, siap masuk dalam bilik mana ntah.. lepas tu mereka belasah kot. Sebabnya ada ganjaran kepada penangkap anjing tu. Rasanya lepas tu anjing tu dieuthanasiakan.

Yang sekarang pula ada sekumpulan siap ada puppy2 lagi. Nanti aku cadangkan dalam meeting akan datang supaya anjing-anjing itu di euthanasiakan oleh dbkk.

Tadi, aku dah curah siap2 klorok di entrance, both ends of corridor, main entrance tangga, lantai2 sikit, dan pintu bilik basuh. Sekarang ni malam2 selalu hujan, biasanya sejuk, anjing akan cari tempat panaskan badan.

Masalahnya ada pulak akak jual roti tadi, siap letak bakul roti di atas lantai tempat aku curah2 klorok tadi. Cis betul akak ni, kalau roti dia tercemar macam mana? siapa nak tanggungjawab?. Tapi, tadi aku tengok roti2 dia semua balut pelastik elok2. Aku pun beli roti tadi.

Banyak juga aku curah klorok tadi, macam kan nak halau zombie. Tak apa, malam sikit nanti aku curah lagi banyak.

Masalah betul anjing-anjing ni, sesiapa yang boleh makan atau berminat untuk memakan daging anjing, sila2 lah ambil anjing-anjing yang berkeliaran sebagai makanan. As food, not in a cruel way of course, like you eat cow or chicken, before you cook it, you must have it slaughtered first right? same thing with dog. I think, slaughter dog for food is better than euthanised it for nothing.

p/s: I dont eat dog meat.

Monday, May 3, 2010

D-Day:17 May 2010 Behind The Scene 2

Aku sekarang ni selalu panik gila cuak katak mengigil lebih mudah dari biasa. Semuanya kerana viva voce yang aku nak sangat tu dah set kan tarikh, dan macam biasa shit thing doesnt have right time to happen, that is why it is alway happened at a wrong time. Atau senang cerita, kompite aku buat hal. Sekarang ni yang aku perlukan sangat-sangat ialah; aku dan kompite aku berfungsi dengan baik. Selain dari tuah, duit, dan sedikit understanding dari yang tersayang.

Nak sangat viva voce kan... haaaaa..... hambik!.

be careful what you wish for, you may got it all.

Sekarang slide dah ada, belum siap, belum polish, belum lengkap. I need to put some more solid appeal. Aku tak harap slide aku segempak CGI Avatar, I am just hoping it is not a piece of shit. And me, I'll deal with me later. Oh... I hate presentation. I hate speaking in front of large mass, or in this case, in front of panel who have no problem to bombard me with their questions.

For now, I think I need to pray more. Or at least five times a day not four or less, like I always do.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

it's not your money. Wutever.

Err... Macam ni, aku dah warning awal-awal, siap tulis dalam status Facebook, Aku sekarang ni dalam mod yang sangat meruap, sebab tak lama lagi aku nak viva voce, banyak benda dalam kepala hotak aku, berserabut. Banyak benda aku nak buat. Pulak tu aku viva hari isnin, maka hari jumaat sebelum tu aku kena siapkan presentation slide supaya senang bahagian teknikal nak save siap2 dalam kompite mereka. Iya, apa susah sangat nak cucuk thumb drive kan... masalahnya bukan aku sorang saja nak present guna kompite tu, orang lain pun nak present jugak. Kalau korang selalu attend seminar or simposium saintifik (or not) aku rasa korang faham apa yang aku cuba sampaikan ni.

Oleh kerana aku memang selalu on Facebook sambil menaip buat kerja (multitasking githooo), aku komen2 lah gambar foto kawan-kawan. Ala... like people always do in facebook. Aku komen gambar profile pegang dslr kamera, I think you can imagine the picture. The very common lame picture, yang tak nampak muka, just nampak posing ambik gambar pakai dslr kamera.

So here lebih kurang lah komen yang aku komen tu berserta replynya:

Aku: wahhh... kau pun dah terjebak ke kancah dslr faggottory. Fagss... _l_

Kawan: Is photography something boring?

Aku: No, photography is good. But the poser with dslr camera is fag.



Kawan: Whatever!!! really
Tak cukup dengan itu dia conteng di wall aku like below.

common j-la..its just an hobby..not to be brag or whatever u call it..sejuk2kan la hati tu..takperlu lah telampau mau sangka buruk ngan sapa2..bila ko buang semua benda tu..allah akan permudahkan semua urusan mu..

First of all, aku tak tulis the "brag" word to you, not even once. All of sudden dia kata aku anggap dia berlagak. Well, Apa hal kau tiba2 terasa pulak? aku tak tuduh, aku tak apa. Just I said, poser ni memang memusnahkan seni fotografi. Art that I actually like. Engkau ni poser? tu yang terasa menyirap sangat2 kan?

Dia ni baru jak pun beli kamera dslr. Nothing hell wrong with it, dia nak beli canon harga RM14 ribu pun pergi lah beli. Kalau nak beli lens harga RM 8 ribu walaupun sampai terpaksa melacur pun, Go ahead. Aku peduli apa, you are not my child, and to quote her, It is not my money.

Aku pelik lah, what we have is just plain disagreement, contoh: kau suka skirt kain singkat mahal kat MNG aku pulak tak minat nak pakai skirt kain singkat, so aku tak beli. But in her freakin' head, aku ni anggap dia nak menayang dia pakai skirt. Kau nak pakai bikini cap prada sekali pun, pakai jak lah just dont shove it into my mouth to accept whatever yang kau nak pakai. Aku bagi komen aku tak suka bikini mahal, kain skirt singkat dan mahal, atau whatever brand mahal yang kau pakai, bukan bermaksud aku halang kau nak pakai. AKU TIDAK AKAN HALANG KAU pakai apa benda haram jaddah kau nak pakai. Kalau kau nak pakai sarung kaki macam pelacur bapok pun aku tak dapat nak halang. If your religion couldnt stop you from doing what you did, apatah lagi aku. Aku ni cuma kawan biasa biasa saja. Bukannya kawan cemolot sangat pun. Right?. Go and listen the comment from your beer drinking friend, I am sure their opinion yang kau nak sangat2 nak dengar right?

Aku ni kalau nak sangka buruk, nak judge book by its cover atau nak judge woman by her clothes, dah lama aku cut you off. Aku kalau ikut hati memang dah nak tolak kau jatuh masa kereta tengah bergerak at the very moment kau paksa2 aku pergi have drinking night di kelab Sutera Harbour tu, When I said, I dont drink beer, you suggested me to drink wine. Kau tahu tak bahawa percentage arak dalam wine lebih tinggi banding beer?

oh ya... lepas ni kau boleh lah in denial kata you just joking ajak2 aku pergi minum beer dan wine segala. Even after that shit pun aku still tak cut you off, sebab, well itu hal perbadi lah nak minum arak or nak makan babi, perut kau, usus kau, hati kau, dosa pahala kau. Dan to quote you, duit kau.

Tapi, bila aku dah tak nak pergi minum arak dengan kau, maksudnya tak nak lah. Itu pun susah kau nak comprehend.

You know what you are? A wannabe.

Kau nak jadi high fashion, jadi brand whore, nak jadi upper class, nak jadi orang bandar, nak jadi melayu urban, nak jadi orang yang cool minum arak, nak jadi perempuan yang nampak upper class merokok, nak jadi seorang yang melepak di cafe starbuck dengan memakai stiletto merah berjenama zara sambil swipe2 kredit kad, and such. You are a wannabe indeed.

And a wannabe like you are craving for recognition from others. You want others to acknowledge your existent as a RM15 latte drinker, an extravagant shopper, Miss I-Bought-All-My-Tops-And-Jeans-At-MNG-Stores. Lepas tu boleh2 pulak paranoid nak tuduh orang lain sangka yang kau ni bragging pussy. Tak payah orang lain berburuk sangka, dan tak payah kau nak highlight atau tuduh orang lain bersangka buruk dengan kau. Kau tahu sendiri sama ada kau bragging bitch atau tidak.

Once kau menyindir2 aku tuduh aku sebagai tahu segala pub and bar around KK. While you know I wear tudung most of the time, and I sit in front of screen (kompite dan tv) all the time, do you think a burger munching like me ada masa atau hendak bersosial di kelab malam. Furthermore, I am afraid of the dark. And most of the clubs are not illuminated with great ambiance of lights or so I have been told.

Memang lah aku pernah bercerita tentang A gay bar di kk, to extent I just know the location, bukan maksudnya aku dah masuk bar tu. Kebetulan one night aku dan kawan-kawan pergi dinner party di sebuah kedai makan, and next to the kedai makan is the gay bar. Thats's all. My friend told me, it is a gay bar. That how I know where is the gay bar in KK. (Habis lah lepas ni orang nak google "Gay Bar Kota Kinabalu" masuk semua dalam blog ni).

And I went to karaoke parlour in KK, untuk berkaraoke bersama kawan beberapa kali. After dinner party biasa lah pergi berkaraoke. What is so strange with that?. Doesnt mean, Aku yang pergi dinner party and pergi karaoke ni is willing to grab and pinch a stranger's buttock in dark club or bar or pub. Aku bukan peminat bontot ok. Kau nak main bontot jangan ajak aku. Kau ajak, memang kau nahas.

So tak payah nak ajak aku pergi razmatazz segala. Because I dont. Kecuali it is a vip room, cuma antara kawan2 yang dikenali ada di sekeliling aku, itu boleh dipertimbangkan. Kalau nak bersesak dekat bar or dance floor, Aku tak berminat. Plus, I think razmatazz is sooooo 2006.

Everytime, kau punya mantra "its not your money". Memang lah bukan duit aku, apa kau ingat aku duduk2 diam2 while a wannabe like you nak perabis duit aku. I would kill you before you have chance to breath asking me for my money. Pergi lah perabis duit kau tu, kalau tak cukup duit gaji gomen kau tu, pergi jual bontot. Kau suka main bontot sangat kan. May be you can start earning some cash with your big ass. Nanti dah banyak duit dari hasil bontot boleh lah start memborong baju di butik zara dan mng. Lepas tu boleh kata dengan aku, "it is time for reward myself after a very tiring and hard work". Iya, penat membontot kan.

Korang boleh buat perkiraan sendiri. Orang macam mana yang berlagak, orang macam mana yang nak cari kepuasan diri, orang macam mana yang attention whore, orang macam mana yang tak pandai puas walaupun baju MNG di dalam almari sama banyak dengan baju di kedai MNG.

Aku simple saja aku punya style nak membeli, ada duit, mahu beli, then aku beli. Kalau mahu, tiada duit, tengok saja, kumpul duit sampai cukup baru beli. Or ask someone to buy it for me. Kalau tak, tengok sahaja lah. Aku punya nafsu pun nak juga beli itu dan ini. Tapi I keep it at minimum. Atau dalam kata lain cuba kekang nafsu. Sebab tu orang kampung aku kata aku kedekut. plus, I love cash so much. Aku lebih suka duit dalam bentuk tunai dari barang-barang. itu sahaja.

Nak berlagak dengan aku pasal duit?, boleh. Bukan tak boleh. Tapi pastikan duit kau lebih banyak dari aku. Kalau hutang ptptn kau pun tak langsai2 lagi. Haha.. dari kau berlagak pasal duit dengan aku, lebih baik kau pikirkan cara terbaik nak cover hutang ptptn kau tu. yes, since kau tuduh aku berburuk sangka, lets berburuk sangka all the way. senang... tak payah kau tuduh. Meh sini aku berburuk sangka. Memang betul sangkaan kau, aku memang buruk sangka.

A brand whore without a brand is just a whore.

So pussy, I think you get it right?. Now go fuck yourself. Or ask your douchebag boyfriend to do your a favour, lepas tu kau bayar lah dia. Mesti murah jak tu servis dia, kalau apartment 260K kau kata murah apa tah lagi servis jilat bontot dari seorang boyfriend, mesti lebih murah kan. pergi memantat tak payah ajak orang, kau pergi lah memantat sorang2. Lepas memantat boleh lah buat kata2 nasihat supaya hidup aku yang tak berduit ni lebih tenang. Atau nasihat aku supaya jangan bersangka buruk dengan duit segala.

Sudah ajak aku pergi minum arak lepas tu boleh pula suruh aku yang bertaubat beristigfar dan mengucap segala. haaaaa.... elokkkkkkkk lah sangat. Dunia pun kau ambil, neraka pun kau ambil, eh... aku maksudkan akhirat.

p/s: nanti2 lah kalau aku beli baju di butik MNG atau Zara besok aku update status di Facebook. "fuhh... dapat release tension lepas buat retail theraphy di MNG and Zara, so worth it to spoil myself with my own money working as a teacher di SMK a place which name I shall not mention".

D-Day:17 May 2010 Behind The Scene 1

arh... hari ni dah 1 May. Selamat hari pekerja. Tinggal 16 hari saja lagi sebelum my big day. Tadi my I-have-been-with-you-for-6-years-or-so buat hal, panik katak aku sekejap. setelah terkumat kamit memaki hamun. Finally dapat on balik, tapi terpaksa pakai safe mode, just in case. Tapi orang kampung dah kasi kompite back up. Aku ingat nak pinjam lah kompite tu minggu sebelum viva nanti. Mana lah tahu kan, si comot aku ni buat hal malam sebelum.

masa ni lah cursor tak boleh gerak, skrin lip lap lip lap, hang sana sini, internet lambat nak loading, hang lagi, file tak dapat nak locate, email tak boleh buka, email lama yang ada forwarded file entah hilang kemana. Bermacam-macam masalah, and I maki all the way.

Dear my mr. I-have-been-with-you-for-6-years-or-so, sebenarnya aku kasi kau chance sampai 2014. Yes, tempoh persaraan wajib anda ialah 2014. Lama lagi tu, buat masa sekarang, with all my heart and brain, I still need you to finish what I have to finish with style.

Semenjak kemarin, atau lebih tepat at moment I hung up the phone, terus-terusan aku rasa tak keruan. Walaupun sekarang ni History ch. dan channel bersebelahan sedang hebat menayangkan cerita-cerita Hitler dan Nazi. Aku seolah-olah tiada nafsu untuk itu semua. Tengok tv pun kejap-kejap. aku tengok sekerat, pas tu aku masuk menghadap laptop semula. Sampaikan tengok berita pun aku tengok sekerat.

Di masa sukar ini, kadang-kadang yang senang nak mampos pun jadi susah berganda-ganda. Tadi aku try buat simple chart guna excel, tapi label kategori aku ada yang hilang ada yang muncul. Aku panik, aku buat ulang2. Masalah yang sama berulang-ulang. Sah-sah aku salahkan kompite dan ms excel versi 2003. Aku buka laptop pinjam. Aku try buat benda yang sama di laptop berlainan dengan ms excel versi 2003. Masih tak berjaya, label kategori masih ada yang hilang2. Setelah mulut terkumat kamit memaki hamun, sambil menghempaskan badan ke tilam 2-3 kali, siap buka2 spek, pas tu pakai spek balik. Macam kan chart tu berubah kalau aku buat tak pakai spek. then.. siap cari contoh chart yang lama dulu, sebab chart dulu tu perfect, cuma stretched. Aku hempaskan badan ke tilam lagi 2-3 kali. Pakai spek.. lepas tu tergerak hati nak stretch kan chart aku. Taaadaaaa...... semua kategori muncol, tapi kena chart aku jadi rectangular sangat-sangat. panjang beb.

Kan... bila waktu begini, yang simple bangang pun macam nak menjawab soalan matematik tulen bab kalkulus dan kaedah berangka pulak.

Masalahnya pulak bila aku nak paste chart tu di slide powerpoint dia jadi super tak comel. Kali ini aku belajar dari kesilapan tadi, aku tak hempas-hempaskan badan ke tilam. Cukup sekadar kaedah cuba jaya, and nice amount of maki light light, adjust2 sikit, (walaupun tadi siap ubah page set up, agak bodoh jugak). Dapat lah juga fit kan chart yang stretched tu. Walaupun tak comel, tapi nampak ok lah.

Baru dapat 10 slides or so. Tapi aku dah sampai ke bab crucial iaitu bab result. Walaupun bab ni aku baru dapat buat 1 slides (yang mengandungi chart). Aku tak tahu nak letak apa lagi. Dan agak berterabur juga susunan slides aku. Tak apa, aku buat dulu, nanti I asked for 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinion.

Seriously aku tak tahu nak letak apa dah. pening pun pening... Tapi kita cuba juga. Aku ada few in my mind, cuma kena baca lebih sikit, dan ulang baca, supaya fakta yang aku present di slide tak contradict dengan apa yang aku tulis kat dalam thesis.

And at this time, I think it is much better for me to keep distance from my loved ones, Because I tend to lose my temper much much easier this time. I am very volatile. And please, keep your children away from me. Trust me, the last thing I need right now is budak yang buat kemarahan aku bagai api di siram diesel.

Dont get me wrong, I love my loved ones. And I hate to hurt them. If I am superbly sad and sorry if I hurt them. sebab tu nak berjauhan seketika untuk kebaikan bersama. Buat masa sekarang nak rapat-rapat, dan bersekongkol dengan my mister I-have-been-with-you-for-6-years-or-so sahaja.