Anyway, I am not anti marriage. I hate wedding but not marriage. And also I dont hate kid and married people in general, I am not anti-parents. I am not marriage Nazi.
In my three previous postings I was ranting about how much I hate-HATE wedding, my different point of view on Ibu Mertuaku's Nyonya Mansor, and my hatred toward screaming, jumping kids at food joint and their parents.
What I can conclude from my three postings is I am against bad decisions. Especially decisions that involved kids and family. You may screwed your life as you want, but making a bad decision as a parent is totally no no no.
A bad decision in marriage usually will lead to a very very serious domino effect.
For example, The bride wants a very over the top lavish wedding, The groom cannot afford the very expensive wang hantaran. Therefore he loans from bank to give enough hantaran for his bride. Then they have like very colourful 3 days and 2 nights wedding for 2 weekends. Usually the groom wont able to repay the loan until their first born goes to kindergarten. See? 2 weekends are more than enough for them screwed their own financial.
Oh no.. thats not enough bad decision for them, they then decide to have more and more children. Yes, I guess some people are just addicted to problems.
Hidup tanpa masalah macam makan nasi lemak tiada sambal. Hidup penuh dengan masalah macam makan sambal tanpa nasi. But may be, some people out there just addicted to sambal without nasi. Sedap? Pedas? Nak lagi? sampai upset perut.
Sabariyah made bad decision by marrying Kassim. Kassim made plenty of bad decisions, from judi lumba kuda to menangis sampai buta to poke his newly operated blind eyes with culinary.
And me, made bad decision for not tapau mc D balik makan di bilik.
I am 25 this year. Along the way I know a grown ass woman who produced 2 bastards in row. Yes, this slut never learned how to use condom and birth control pill properly whenever she decided to fornicating or committing adultery. Yes, I am talking about real people here.
Now she has 2 bastards. Not just her life is afflicted by having 2 bastards, but others' too. Her mother's, her family's, her 2 bastards'. And these bastards have different fathers. Both fathers dont give a damn about the end product of their sperms. To rub some vinegar to the open wound is she is a jobless with minimum skill.
I have a friend who was married, with child, and then divorce, re-married to another man by her parents. But, she was pregnant on her wedding day, the then husband was suspected fathered the baby, and she kept silent about it, until it was beyond repair. I confused. Well... who didnt? It was beyond repair since the beginning.
A former schoolmate now is in the middle of court battle with his wife over custody on their child and alimony mambo jumbo. Because he was caught cheated his wife.
And countless story of out of wedlock sex, unwanted pregnancy, fornication, adultery, asshole husbands, slutty women, etc.. etc..
These adults screwed their life. Fine. But when they are screwing their offsprings' life too than that is unfair.
not everyone can be parents.
Having kids is a serious full time job, 24-7 for at least 18 years. 9 months or so of pregnancy is may be about low back pain, raging hormone, heart burn, etc etc etc.. the painful (and joyful) during pregnancy is only lasted for 9 months or so... It is a big-BIG- responsibility tapi tanggunggjawab selepas the birth is something lasted for selagi hayat dikandung badan.
People always said the phrase "melayari bahtera rumahtangga". And guess what, this ship has no compas, has no handbook manual, and there is no school or kursus kahwin will able to equip you to sail the bahtera rumahtangga. And you cannot just simply refer to study case to solve problems in marriage.
Yes, it is that complicated. If you want to. It is too can be simplified. if you want to.
Marriage and family building can be the most beautiful thing or experience one can enjoy. It is beautiful, if you can make it beautiful. But something beautiful usually demand lot of pengorbanan. Make sure it is worthy.
Being parent is far more complicated. I have seen lot of parents who have very high expectation on their kids. well... biasalah tu.
Some of them demand their children to fulfill their unfulfilled dream. They use their children for their own satisfaction. The boundary between hope and demand is sometimes very vague. Every parents lay hope on their kids.
One of reason why I doubt to reproduce is because I am afraid. I am afraid it is all about me. I am afraid I want my child to give me what I want. What I want he/she to become, about he/she lives up my dream for me. I am afraid I screw my kid's life by demanding achievements.
I am afraid of having child for wrong reason. I am afraid of getting married for wrong reason. Because I am getting older, because I am afraid being old and alone, because I have to vow to public demand that constantly expect every woman should get married and making babies (as well as cooking, etc etc..). These dont sound right to me.
Am I selfish for avoiding the probability of me become a demanding parent?. yes, flipping to the other side, may be there is equal probability of me become a not demanding parents.
Ho: jlacanteen is a demanding parent.
H1: jlascanteen is a not demanding parent.
yes, we cannot test the hypothesis, unless I reproduce. Which if I do, the effect is irreversible nor can I return to my innocence state. And if the Ho is accepted, what will happen to the kid?
I dont know what is the right justification for me to get married and have children. I dont have any. I dont know what is the right reason. At least for now.
But I am certain about one thing, I dont want to involve in both (married and parenting) because of wrong reason.
Kids may be the best of burden. But the best is not for everyone.
I abhor those who threat their kids as personal trophies of their fertility and those who consider the successful product of their sperm is not more than unfortunate event of broken condom. Remember the best is not for everyone.
So what is my aim in this life? for now... I want a little comfort place for me to live, good health, and whatever good for my love ones. So far so ok.. can be better. much better.
I already have family. I am happy with this one. I have no plan to expand my family (I dont know about their plan, but adding more family member(s) is certainly not in my book). This one is just nice or already too many to handle.