Saturday, February 27, 2010

Not so secrets.

1. I listen to Brorey Marantika's songs. I dont hide it. Neither do I really open about it.

2. I am always interested in political stories. I dont really hide it. But I am selective with whom I talk about it. Some people just plain dont like it, some are just too fanatic. For me, what is wrong is wrong even it is come from Fatah, what is right is right even it is come from Nazi.

More on politics;

I dont care whether Anwar is right or wrong. Let the court judge him. If he is right, he has nothing to hide, he was framed, Allah SWT will helps him. Brave for the truth.

But I hate whenever people question why his wife, Azizah stands by her man. He is her husband, father of her children, what do you expect? of course a good wife will stand by her husband, and a good wife she is. She is a strong woman, she will through this ordeal. May Allah SWT bless her and her family.

Leave Azizah alone. If you hate her husband, go after him.

not just Azizah, same rule goes to other wives too. If you are strong enough, go and pound your enemy, not his wife.

3. I am messy. Never proud of it. But I do less to hide it.

4. I am lousy in doing house chores. I dont like to wash dishes. Thats it. I dont iron my shirt thats it. If people judge me because of my crumple shirt, then so be it.

5. I am my kampung's child at heart. Always. Both of my parents are from the kampung, so were their parents, and their parents' parents. Yes, in biology this is what we call inbreeding. My paternal great great grandfather were from Temburong District Brunei Darussalam. So I do have very thick Brunei blood and tounge. I didnt speak Bahasa Melayu (Bahasa Malaysia) until I was 18.

Even so, I always like languages and dialects. I learned Arabic before, French for 1 month and German for 2 semesters. And still learning how to write and speak in English.

(Ya, Orang Malaysia mesti pandai English, bukan American ya, English!. Mesti pandai tulis, pandai bicara dengan fasih dan bebas dari kesalahan tatabahasa. Jika tidak, sukar untuk melakukan segala-galanya, sukar untuk dapat pekerjaan, sukar untuk berurusan di bank atau pejabat, sukar untuk memesan kopi berharga RM15 secawan di Kedai Starbuck. Segalanya akan jadi sukar jika anda ialah Orang Malaysia yang lahir pada tahun 1980's ke atas tapi tidak fasih bertutur dan menulis dengan baik dalam English. Ingat, bukan American ya, English!).

I can understand common Kelantanese dialect. I even could text in Kelantanese when I was in ukm. I can speak simple Kelantanese words. I have no problem mingling with Kelantanese, plus I like Nasi Kerabu. Even my ex roomate is a Kelantanese, and her mother's Nasi Kerabu is the best Nasi Kerabu ever!.

I can understand Melayu Sarawak very well. But my Sarawak tounge is rusty. I cannot speak it as good as before. Took me about 2-3 months to understand the dialect. I can understand Loghat Utara too. My Utara friends always teased me whenever I used the northern dialect inappropriately. And southern street slang is the one I fancy the most. My Johorean friends usually use very creative street slangs, like "koruk mu", "wak lu", "sengal", "air gedegang", "pengong".

Nogori's probably the most difficult dialect for me to understand.

Sadly I dont understand Dusun and Bajau languages. I used to understand simple Bajau words back then, because I have Bajau cousins.

So I have no problem with Malaysian dialects and accents. Be it Sarawakian, Kelantanese, or Sabah (e.g. people from Tawau have very distinctive accent).

6. I used to hate homosexual or gay people. HATE. Until I watched a documentary about homosexual behaviour in animal kingdom. That particular documentary changed my view.

I never approve homosexual behaviour among human. NEVER. but along the way, as I grow up, I have known some gay people, and they are very nice. I mean they are simply good people. They are just practicing or being gay.

I know a gay guy who is very kind, very sensitive, and very loving. He loves his parents and family so much, he doesnt curse around like I do. He is a good guy. Always refer to his (ex) boyfriend as his best friend (I assume they are an item or were an item).

I think I have stopped judging human base on their sexual orientation. It is sinful, it is against religion. If they want to be gay, it is up to them. We have enough hatred in this world.

I dont hate people simply because they are gay or they are straight. I like people for who they are, as a person.

And I am surprised on how people these days accepted gay relationship. I mean, a friend, a muslim friend, simply uploaded photo of him and his boyfriend, and declared they are romantically involved. It is unusual for conservative like me. And seems like people around them accept the relationship as it is.

I am muslim, and in Islam, homosexual behaviour is something forbidden. I simply follow my religion. My religion also taught me to love my fellow muslims. And I simply follow that too. I will never approve homosexual behaviour anyhow. But I wont hate those gay friends simply base on their sexual orientation.

Sexual orientation (e.g. homosexual, heterosexual) is identity and sexual activity is behaviour.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Salam MaulidurRasul 1431h

Selawat dan salam kepada junjungan besar Nabi Muhammad SAW.

Salam MaulidurRasul kepada semua muslimin dan muslimat. Semoga dirahmati selalu.

p/s: selamat ulang tahun kepada yang berkenaan =)

The Jean Grey's Dilemma.

If I have to choose between Logan and Scott. I will choose Logan. Even though in the form of James Marsden, Scott is more handsome and driving very cool rides.

But, I cant look into his eyes.

Logan is originally short, hairy, and a Canadian. But in the form of Hugh Jackman, Logan looks much cooler compare to Scott. He is tall, hairy, and an Australian. haha.

Adamantium claws over laser eyes?

I always choose the former.


Blond guy never really caught my attention. But David Beckham was a very big-BIG-exception.

err.. may be Dr. Mark Sloan too.

p/s: planning to spend my weekend in Labuan. Planning.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

My Kunyanyangs

When Bujijah Membebel.

Personally, I think there is unwritten rule for me to take care my hometown buddies. Nobody ever says it is a rule, but somehow I feel it is something I oblige to do. Call me provincial or assobiyah. Because, I am.

When my tyre flattened (or rather ruptured) last week, it was my hometown boys who helped me (and of course my kind-heart-kingfisherians came to rescue too, Thanks!). My aunt said to me, "This is why we shall always take care of our orang kampung, because they will always take care of us" (yes, this is translated version, My aunt speaks thicker Bruneis than I do).

I never feel comfortable to hear unpleasant news about my hometown buddies. Especially my girls. For my friends, take care each others we should. Please. Do not screw up. I am aware, love life is something very very personal, just don't screw up. I am not in position to commenting of your love life what so ever. But I know when to call a spade a spade.

Just don't screw up. Some said 99% of woman's problems is caused by man, and 1% is by outrages shopping habit. It is not worth it to gamble your everything on one man. Love is tricky business, and single hopeless social outcast like me will never understand what love means to your life etc. etc. etc.

Nat King Cole sang "Love is more than just a game for two". Yes, he was right. Because you have parents and families to be considered, yours and his. It is your personal thingy if you screwed up with your love life (lets assume by saying screwed in this para, I mean sex), BUT is it fair for your other love ones (parents and family)?. Because, class let say it together, "love is more than just a game for two". If you get what I mean.

I know, some men are very honest, very kind, very angelic, very pious, very loving, or all of above. But until it is officially legal, I suggest (which you may reject), dont screw up.

And you may call me a spade if I am.

Nasib baik ada blog, boleh membebel panjang2. Ala, bukan ada siapa yang mau baca sangat pun.

ahh... terstuck menulis blog, sebab aku tengah terpikir2 pasal DPPH. sudah bertahun2 aku tidak belajar kimia. setahun yang lalu aku ada belajar taksonomi kimia atau chemotaxonomy. Tapi banyak belajar pasal Alkaloid, flavonoid. Aku pun sudah lupa. Kelas tu pun aku bergantung dengan nota2 dari google. Nasib baik lulus you!.

sebenarnya bukan ada exam pun. cuma bila sudah tidak buat apa2 ni, mau juga tahu atau curious, apa lah DPPH ni, beza free radical, stable free radicals, bla bla bla, nda tau lah apa untungnya, tapi macam tiada kerugian juga kan. Tapi masalah sekarang ni... ada pula pertanyaan why? how? segala2. dan tiada cikgu kimia yang boleh dihubungi pada pukul 3.30 pagi.

now I know why I didnt study chemistry, Kimia tidak seseksi evolusi~ *pengsan. (patutlah tidak date sesiapa... haha hopeless sungguh!). Lagipun bak nyanyian Frank Sinatra "I got no kick from Champange, the alcohol doesnt move me at all". so aku tidak dapat kick dari kimia (the alkohol).

Dulu masa aku kirim buku kimia dengan my partner in crime, dia pun keliru buku kimia mana aku mau, sebab ada banyak jenis buku kimia; yang organik ,yang tak organik. dia tidak tahu beza kimia organik dengan kimia tak organik. Maafkan lah dia wahai ahli kimia, kerana dia ialah ahli musick merangkap penjawat awam dalam Kementerian Facebook Malaysia.

dalam banyak2 kimia, kimia organik saja yang aku boleh. kimia tak organik, kimia fizik, kimia analisis (ini saja kimia-kimia yang aku pernah belajar) memang aku ntah apa2, tidak minat aku mengira2 ni. Kimia tak organik lagi lah, logam lah, kutub lah.. cas sana sini.

plus, aku kan belajar bio, maka kimia organik ni paling terdekat lah konon. dulu Biokimia aku dapat C+. Pergh... ingat lah aku kes tu sampai bila2. Padahal ada klasmet yang score A bersinar.

*Loser ya Hampoooonn, part sains2 ni.

I wish my life can be more musical. Like gLee. I like gLee. The reason i didnt learn how to play guitar back then because, I am a female and female should not play musical instrument with strings. But now I want to play bass guitar. Jazz bass.

Ok, stop. I am a wannabee.

We always started as wannabe.

p/s: I wish I can say, "everyday I love you more and more". But I am not a liar.

p/s 2: lets hope I dont cry before I sleep.


My boyfriends

Razman will be transferred to LD. Wishing all the best for my dear. I miss you, but I couldnt say it whenever you call me. For me it is not cool to do so. I am a wannabe. Cool wannabe. I am sorry for not informing you earlier that I have submitted my final draft. Classic me. Thanks for your support and your calls. I miss you so much.

Yesterday, he called me, asked for my opinion whether he shall stay or move. He hesitated. I gave my opinion. Thanks buddy for valuing my say. I am happy if you are happy. And this reminds me sometime back then, I asked him once whether he wants children. He said, he wants to have his own kids. We were 18, and he was certain with his decision. I never asked him the same question again (err.. beside, I remember this because some friends are getting married or about to have their own comrades a.k.a children).

Looking forward to see you again. And please remind me to take our photo together next time. Felt awkward the last time we met.

Recently, I always think about Nel. Especially when the light is off. This is one of reasons why I prefer to sleep alone. After he left, I tend to cry before I sleep. His facebook account has been deactivated. Still I cant see our pictures together. I dont have enough gut to do so. I know I will cry.

I miss him so much. I am afraid I didnt show you enough love back then. Always miss you brother, always love you. Al-Fatihah for my beloved Nel.

Selepas submit.

Mentang-mentang sudah submit, jarang-jarang pula aku ada mood mau update blog. eh.. tulis BM (mengada2 macam lah selama ni English tip top, bluek!).

Aku malas sungguh nak buka laptop. online pun lebih sekejap dari biasa. iya lah dulu, memang hari2 aku mesti buka laptop=online. ialah kalau buka laptop tapi tiada internet, bagus merayap pergi makan atau cuci mata.

Resume pun aku belum buat. esok plan2 nak cari ink printer (tapi duit belum ambil di bank), sebab mau print borang cari kerja, print resume, bla bla bla.

Aku tengah try2 cari duit segera sekarang ni. I mean duit sendiri lah, kalau duit segera main minta or curi tu, tiap2 minggu boleh diusahakan. Macam mana mau cari duit segera? Banyak option yang aku consider dan reconsider. meh aku senarai (apa yang terlintas di kepala aku sekarang);

1. Ajar Tuisyen.
Lokasi: KF.
Ramai juga antara fellow postgrad yang buat part time ngajar tuisyen. ok lah buat menyambung hidup, dapat juga duit. Tapi aku tak tahu kriteria apakah yang melayakkan aku menjadi seorang pengajar tuisyen. Tapi aku rasa plan ini relevan dan tidak terlampau ambitious, transport pun ada. cuma aku ni cinderella pukul 11. maka mungkin disana ada problem. Selain, hehe.. macam biasa, selalunya orang hantar anak tuisyen belajar Maths, and I am not good in Maths. Tadi aku main sebut saja berapakah 5% dari 2120, sambil mengharap kepada Ainil yang tengah makan untuk memberikan jawapan. And she did give the correct answer... (perghhh..).

*Ainil if you read this, and dont like it, leave a comment. nanti I edit.

2. Kerja Shell (petronas pun boleh).
Lokasi: Putatan (err.. Jalan sulaman pun boleh~, jeng jeng jeng).
Dulu masa aku diambang grad (ijazah), aku dengan kawan2 selalu joking, lepas grad nak kerja apa. and constantly aku cakap aku nak kerja shell minyak. Bukan industri oil&gas offshore yang gaji beribu raban tu. Tapi kerja Pam minyak.

Ntah lah, Pam minyak fetish kot aku ni. haha.. it was began when I was 11 or 12... I forgot. Tapi masa tu kelas sains dan cikgu aku suruh buat sains projek yang melibatkan bentuk (shape). so you may build anything yang melibatkan bentuk2 lah. Aku tak ingat sangat lah, aku rasa member2 ada yang buat robot, rumah etc etc... tapi aku buat Pam Minyak (building). All I could think was a gas station, nampak sangat aku tak kreatif since forever kan.

Valid lah juga rekaan aku tu, since it was a building. But I think my teacher pun wonder, apa jadah lah budak 11 (or 12) yrs old nak juga buat Pam Minyak, sedangkan banyak lagi bangunan atau binaan yang lain yang boleh menyerlahkan kekreatifan.

padahal kalau aku choose buat rumah, mesti banyak design yang boleh dibuat. atau theater, atau stadium atau dewan orang ramai. Aku rasa Pam Minyak ialah bangunan yang paling tidak terevolusi sejak berzaman2. sekarang ada macam2 bentuk stadium, atau theater, atau rumah, sekolah. Tapi design pam minyak still macam tu juga. Even design jamban pun lebih pelbagai kot banding pam minyak.

(kena buat bintang* juga untuk Ainil a.k.a virtual jentayu).

*Erti Pam minyak kepada saya adalah lebih dari sekadar After-10.

3. MLM

Nak Mampos? Tidak. Maka, jangan buat. even if the product is minyak pengasih saintifik.

Like others, I am not looking for MLM business, MLM business is looking for me instead.

4. Kerja Supermarket.
Lokasi: Putatan.
Aku terasa juga nak kerja susun tin sardin, or tin milo, ni. somehow aku ternampak ketenangan dalam kerja2 tu. I mean, ofkhoz lah penat, low paid, etc etc... but at least, kau tak payah nak kena refer journlas, manuskrips, check monumental work by infamous scientist dalam bahasa Jerman sedangkan English kau pun terabur.

bagi aku kerja supermarket ialah kerja straight forward. Tapi tak tahu lah kalau tak straight kan.. sebab aku tak pernah buat.

Grass is always greener on the other side right?

meh buat de-tour sikit.

beberapa hari kebelakangan ini aku sering terfikir2 apakah berbaloi yang aku buat selama ni. I mean, come on, let's be frank. Scientists have been fucked up all the time. Tak percaya? G. Galilee si pencipta teleskop, dia cipta teleskop, mati dalam keadaan sedih. my favourite, C. Darwin, walaupun dah mati beratus tahun, masih menjadi sosok pilihan untuk dikutuk didalam kelas di Malaysia atau dunia, hanya kerana dia melontar kan teori evolusi. tu belum masuk kes dikapirkan oleh gereja semasa hidup. Cikgu aku kata, on his dying bed, finally Darwin converted to religion (most likely Christianity lah kot). apa yang aku lihat dalam tv (bukan baca), Darwin died because of mysterious illness.

Even without Darwin, there would be another man come up with this idea.

Darwin dah lama mati ok. Tapi seingat aku masa sekolah dulu, ustaz dan ustazah, kalau cakap pasal Darwin, tak lain tak bukan kaitkan Darwin dengan Monyet, Darwin monyet, monyet monyet, dan monyet. Sedangkan Darwin's idea was based on his observation on varieties of birds' beaks in Galapagos. So why these ustaz ustazah keep on bashing already dead Darwin dan bila sebut nama Darwin kata Darwin monyet. Do these ustaz ustazah know the difference between Apes and Monkeys? And I bet my last cent, these ustaz ustazah never read The Origin of Species.

kalau kamu buka balik kisah celah bedah Geologist, korang akan jumpa kisah tragik, one after another. how these scientists fucked up their on life because of rocks.

Tahu Charles Goodyear? ala orang yang menemui kaedah pemvulkanan secara tak sengaja (? tak ingat sangat proses apa tapi pasal tayar getah kereta korang tu) . Dipenghujung hidupnya Goodyear mengalami kesihatan yang teruk akibat terlebih inhale gas getah mentah yang dicuba untuk divulkankan, mati dengan hutang yang banyak dan meninggalkan satu patent (yang dia bergolok gadai berhutang piutang kerana nak patentkan ciptaan sendiri).

ok , cukup meroyan pasal saintis2 tu.

Masa aku balik kampung last weekend, Aku ternampak plat (plate) yang aku dapat ketika Malam Tautan Saintis Muda masa aku final year. Untuk melayakkan aku memperoleh plat besi berukuran diameter lebih kurang 8 cm tu, dan ditengah2 nya bertampal stiker logo Fakulti aku, aku mesti enlisted dalam Dean's List.

Ya, memang lah skor pointer sampai Dean's List, and all I got was sekeping plat besi sebesar lebih kecil dari tapak tanganku bersama stand dan sekeping sijil yang tertera padanya namaku yang disalah taip.

See? I burnt myself to be in the Dean's List. Endless waiting for bus, kelam kabut here and there. Even dumped the only guy I ever dated during my 3 years in Bangi (which wasnt really hard to do since I was hell busy at the time, If I didnt, he would, so I dumped him first).

My own father didnt even care about my Dean's List award. He didnt even care to look at my sijil, let alone plat besi bertampal stiker fakulti.

But my mom gave me countless kisses.

Ok back to kisah kerja2 tu.

5. Started a Motivational scheme (read: scam).

Ahh... sudah...

sekarang ni semua orang boleh jadi motivator kan. Aku pun boleh kalau aku nak. mengarut2, quote sini sikit, sana sikit, buat presentation slides, walla~ orang datang ceramah kau bayar RM50 per head.

Padahal kau tak ada tauliah pun. Kalau ada title Phd, Dr, Datuk, Prof, lagi afdal lah kan. Sekarang ni multi tasking, Doktor jual ubat kurus pun nak buat movie, multi tasking lah katakan. Doktor penyanyi pun nak jadi motivator. eh.. dah ada Phd, mestilah bijak kan... (macam haram).

cuma masalahnya aku bukan pandai sangat menipu. cuma kadang2 bila aku cakap betul orang ingat aku tipu.

tak pun aku start skim bomoh saintifik pula. tadi aku google2 pasal methanol, bahan kimia segala, entah macam mana yang timbul dalam google result aku ialah "minyak pengasih saintifik". malas aku nak klik.. apa lagi ntah kelentong saintifik terkini selepas penapis air pencegah kanser dan kopi penguat tenaga batin pencegah penyakit jantung (walhal kebanyakkan aprodisiak mempercepatkan degupan jantung untuk mengepam darah ke the southern most department or penis)

I was a bomoh( palsu). but of course nobody believes me when I said I was a Bomoh. Bukan lah aku main asap2 keris, tabur2 kemenyan. But my interest in Ethnobotany that made me look like a Bomoh. Iya lah, setakat, tumbuhan yang mengandungi ubat kencing manis, darah tinggi, penguat ehem ehem, of course I know, I study botany remember? Dulu aku ada belajar anatomi tumbuhan, masa buat assignment anatomi ni, aku dan kawan2 kena dissect tumbuhan yang ada nilai ubatan. Masa tu aku banyak (tak lah banyak sangat) baca pasal tumbuhan ubatan. And thats how I know tumbuhan mana ubat untuk apa. well tak lah tahu sangat, tapi tahu lah sikit2.

Dan pasal dos tumbuhan ubatan yang perlu diambil tu bukan aku reka2 atau dapat dari mimpikan tok guru, orang makmal tumbuhan semulajadi di UPM yang ajar aku pasal dos2 pengambila tumbuhan ubatan.

6. err.. ke-6 ni aku tak boleh reveal sekarang. nanti aku reveal.

p.s: kalau mengarut ni dibayar, next spring dah cukup duit aku untuk pergi ke Macau (bukan Mekah).

Saturday, February 20, 2010


oh headache. I need to gulp down a pill or two. but first, tunggu air sejuk. baru masak air minum.

p/s: Adzie cafe Alamesra is suxx ass. dont go there. suck!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

been there done that.

well not yet.

Following is unofficial acknowledgements and some thought of my journey.

Alhamdulillah, Syukur kepada ALLAH SWT. I have submitted my final draft. Feel like a mother. Yes, I have sent my final draft, to the Pasca. Now I am waiting for D-Day. The judgement day. My viva voce.

To balance the drama, actually my dissertation is merely partial fulfillment for obtaining the M. Sc. Another half portion is (or was) in the form of courses. I have done my courses about ehem.. almost a year ago. So, I am unofficially finish my study.

There are three students by coursework in my batch. Yes, small class. I am the first to submit. Contrary to popular belief, M. Sc. by coursework is not as easy as people think it is. To be fair, it is not hard either, just it is not THAT easy.

I have to admit, completing courses (classes and exams) is not really that hard. BUT to complete 9 credit hours dissertation project is another story. The workload of dissertation is not as much as Full Thesis project (minimum 2 years). BUT the pain is almost the same.

I have friends who completed their M. Sc. by coursework within 1 year. It is awesome to graduate so soon and so young with second degree. I wanted too. But I couldnt. I accepted that.

Since I couldnt graduate within 1 year, anyhow. I try to gain more than just a certificate. That the least I could do, to sugar my sour heart. I aimed for publication. I have one in press now. I am thankful for it. It was dedicated to my friend, Rafiq, as he was (more or less) the first person who I told that I wanted to publish something by the time I am graduating. I did. And I emailed him the manuscript. And I really want to publish my dissertation result. In house or local journal is enough for me. I know, my data are bodoh-bodoh, so no need to go to High Impact journal to publish mine.

I am also forever in debt with my father. He is the one who galvanizing my study with his money. Yes, you really need money to obtain certificate. This is fact.

I have official sponsor,who I couldnt really rely on, as their money is always one semester delay. But better late than never, thank you. (and I forgot to mention my sponsor in my official acknowledgements).

So, whenever my sponsor delay to cash in their money in my account, I have my father('s money) to back me up. And my mother's money sometimes. Especially in wardrobe department. Yes, my mom buys me clothes all the time. She and my sister LOVE to dress me up (And now SILs join the duo). If I asked them to buy me black, green, and orange tudungs, they will buy me, black, green, orange, plain pink, pink-black-white, black-white, magenta, black-green, another black tudungs, purple and orange tshirts, and white-stripped grey dress shirt. If I want black baju kurung, mom buys me black, purple, orange, and green baju kurungs. And sister and sils buy me matched tudungs for my baju kurungs. Always extra. If I want white t-shirt. They buy me white and red t shirt, because I dont have red t-shirt. That's why I seldom go shopping. I have enough clothes.

Therefore, not just Anuar Zain is the lucky one. Me too.

Thank you and love you (oh.. not you Anuar).

I am lucky, my siblings always pay for my dinner and lunch (especially my SILs). Another reason for me to be extra grateful. And they let me use their shampoo, shower gel, detergent, eat their food, drink their drinks, watch their astro, use their internet, whenever I go to Putatan (My family's second residence). And also pay for my movie tickets and popcorn sometimes (err... most of the time)

In my case, My parents and family back me up financially and plus plus (err.. prayers, blessings, bla bla bla... the doa part I owe my mom A LOT). I have been driving three cars within 2 years. I mean, I have been borrowing three cars within 2 years. The first and foremost the green kancil (my brother's). I hate the colour, it is too psychedelic. I hate the lowered suspension. I hate the whole modification. But this is the car I love the most. walaupun bergegar-gegar if I press more than 80km/hr. Second, my sister's black myvi, used it almost 2 weeks. Simple. Spacious, the least tinted. ok lah. And now the old waja. well it is Proton, the window is always be the culprit, need extra caution with the sometimes overheated engine. the leaking motor oil, and I dont know how to open the hood. the doors.. dont let me start with the doors.... HATE the doors. Overall, better than naik bas lah kan. Terima apa yang ada. (minta Camry pun bukan boleh dapat kan..).

My parents and family provide me with whatever I need (not what I want). I love and thank them for that. It is more than enough actually.

Of course I need extra support system. I am blessed, in my journey to finish my study (Drama again~) I have meet selfless, helpful, generous people. First my lunch buddies, actually they are more than just my lunch buddies, they are my pseudocoursemates, my labmates, and we are each others' unpaid therapists (tempat meluah perasaan antara satu sama lain). Second, my Hausmet Angkat, the 9-15 crowd. my real (ex) hausmets, the 5-7 semi-d crowd, the kingfisherians.

I have a lot to thank to...

Allah SWT, gives me good health, sends me good people, and rezeki here and there. Alhamdulillah. Spiritually, I cant judge myself, but there is a lot of space need to be improved.

Financial factor is one of the most important factor in study. May be come after the willingness and the opportunity to further study. You cant study if you are not willing, you cant study if you dont have opportunity, and you cant study without proper finance.

the big three would be;

1. willingness
2. opportunity
3. finance finance finance

I am thankful, I have all.

Beside those 3, you need religion, support system (parents&family), extra support system (fellow post grads&friends).

3. religion
I dont know others. but I am blessed with Islam. I am thankful I am muslim.

when you say curse and profane words more than often. you need to ask for forgiveness. you need religion.

4.parents& family
Blood is thicker than water and money (but sometimes money is thicker). Love my parents and family beyond words.

5. fellow post grads.
these fellows endure the same shits as you do. so most of the time they know what they are talking about, (most, not all the time). Technically, because of the situation, they understand you better than others. So listen to them and talk to them. They may help you to solve your problems or pave way to solve it. And I am lucky I have good extra support system. my small crowd of friends are my personal cheerleaders. Thank you.

may be some of you rubbishing my say. But this is my thought after 2 rollercoaster years. 2 years... and what next?

Second Beach Tanjung Aru.

Extra long weekend. Shopping malls sunyi sepi sebab kedai tutup. maka mari kita picnic.
Second Beach Tanjung Aru, I think the last time I went here when I was 11. I always go to First Beach (same beach, different entrance), but Second Beach, quite rare. It is beautiful there.

When I was young (in 90's), this place was my family's most favourite weekend hang out. We ate lot lot lot of Nasi Ayam here. Always Nasi Ayam. Always. Ahh.. what a memory.

so last monday, Orang kampung ajak pergi berpiknik2.

reminiscent good old days~! I must say. So I took some photos with my K770i (yang kejap2 tidak boleh read memory card, macam mau minta ganti ni). so enjoy. I took it, simply because, I think good memory shall be frozen in form of photo. so tunggang langgang sahaja my photo. (I love beautiful photo, but I have no passion in photography).

Cliche blue sky and long stretch beach. But beautiful indeed.

All I can think was, THE OMATICAYAN!
The HomeTree. May be I shall learn Na'vi. (ok someone is Avatar-overdosed)

The cloud

Horizon senget. orang kata dosa besar dalam photography lanskap. tapi.. peduli apa aku. look at the penetrated with sun ray clouds.

look at the sun ray and cloud. ignore the senget horizon.

kalau masuk dalam laut time ni, kompom mengelupas kulit.


I was tiarap in the tent, when I captured this.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock.

The nature of time is to tick and tock. Tick is a Yin and Tock is a Yang.

You know, when there is no tock after tick. It is imbalance.The worst is, it is going to be endless.

So I am relief the time is keep on ticking and tocking. At least it is not going to be endless.

I have few days to complete my final draft. I am breathing in mud right now. I am tired, but I cant sleep. There are PLENTY to do. I just want to get it done. I missed my dateline and given another dateline. I am not going to miss this one.

This Kodek Gigas makes me see the grass is always greener on the other side. I am just tired.

Last time when I was doing my final year project, I wrote lyrics, gruesome lyrics or so I claimed. Now I have a title in my mind. May be it is kind of ritual, when I am on a race against time to write my volume, my Kodek Gigas, I want to write gruesome lyrics. For this one, may be it is a sadist one.

Ok, stop.

I am so Primadona.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Surat Pembeli Ayam Goreng.

Dear Loverbirds,

Please do me a favour, when you are queuing to buy fried chickens for dinner, please do not meraba-raba your girlfriend's buttock or meraba-raba your boyfriend's belly and chest.

I know you want to make point, "this hot chick is my girlfriend" or "this fair skin guy is my boyfriend". Pegang tangan cukup lah mangkok!.

I know you are in love. But geezz Luigi!, please please do the meraba-raba stuff in your bedroom or in your car or somewhere except in public or not in front of me. Hilang selera aku nak makan ayam goreng ok.

You are an adult. An adult couple in a relationship. Not a hormonal teen couple who want to go inside each other's pants. Err.... of course you too want to go inside your grilfriend's/boyfriend's pants, but please be more civilized. May be for you it is romantic to rub your girlfriend's buttock, or to sniff your boyfriend's neck. It is romantic if, you do it in private. At food joint? well it is immature and it is cheap. Looks like you two are poor, and could not afford to get a room, therefore you have to snuggle in public.

Pembeli Ayam Goreng yang berbaris dibelakang anda.

Friends by The Syko.

Am I stupid? I think so. At least for now. I have 5 chapters to correct. Yet I am still here, writing down my piece of crap.

Malasnya mau cakap pasal Kodek Gigas ku itu.

Err.. some friends located my family residence. Iya, rumah aku lah itu. Not exactly my house, my parents' but yes I stay there. Cuma lama sudah tidak balik. Jemput datang, bila-bila masa, asalkan talipon lah dulu. (yeah Virtual Jentayu, just in case you are reading kan... please keep the content of my blog to you ok... dont share with your roommates. hahaha, nanti suruh mereka sendiri masuk sini, kalau mau baca).

I rarely jemput2 orang ni, as I am the worst hostess. once my friend visited me at my house, sudah 3 tahun tidak jumpa, but I forgot to offer her a drink. entah apa2 kan aku.

What else? Topik Kahwin. Again. As usual. Talk about scientific experiments, in the end, the closure is always about kahwin. Talk about cars, in the end, kahwin. Talk about death, in the end kahwin. Kahwin, repeated over and over again like corrupted cd stuck inside the cd player.

What else? ahh... I found out, A guy friend of mine, who dated my friend, suddenly curious about my status. He asked his girlfriend, and kabomb... she is infected. Curiosity can be very contagious.

The story began with, I was going out for a lunch with a guy friend. Just a friend. Purely platonic. And we bumped with the curious guy. My first reaction was, "Ahh Sudah..".

Well as perasan as I sounded, still I was right. He remained silence for a while, then the curious guy asked his girlfriend (my friend) whether I am dating someone or not.

Of course the girlfriend could not produce proper answer, and she answered "I dont know". Guess what, this "I dont know" is not helping to stop the curiosity. She asked another friend, and the circle continue.

Tidak apa, aku tidak marah. ala.. aku tahu, once you peeps see me out with a guy. biasalah tu orang tertanya2 kan. hahaha. the problem is, I am guy friendly, I often go out with guys. sebab tu aku jarang berjalan with my guy friends di hot spot. cari tempat yang sembunyi2 sikit. kamu jangan marah pula aku bring this out in blog (kalau baca lah).

First of all, I am single. Secondly, I wont reveal the detail of my love life in Facebook. We are friends, so just in case I am dating someone or I want to share something personal with my friends, I prefer to tell them personally rather than leaking the detail via Facebook beforehand.

Do you think I am going to announce my engagement in Facebook before I tell my close friends personally? NO. Neither will I invite people to my wedding through photo tagging in Facebook. I will invite you personally. May be via email, but I will write to you. Of course I will announce later. But I prefer to do it in private first.

Next time, ask me directly. I wont lie. I promise. If I am dating someone, I will acknowledge the relationship. Doesn't mean I will provide you with every detail of my love life. But I wont lie.

I have very limited circle of friends. Once, when friends visited my house for hari raya, my brother actually thought they are friends I met via Facebook (Gilak kah apa jemput kawan internet pigi rumah, abang aku ni kan... hish). Yes, my siblings especially my brothers often think I DONT HAVE REAL ORGANIC FRIENDS (aku ada kawan ok, walaupun sikit, kawan juga bah itu).

I appreciate friends that I have and had. I dont mind to add one or two. Just I am very careful, to minimize stabs.

Jangan risau. This Loser is simple and plain. Just an ordinary girl, more or less the same eleven years old who said to her friends, she wants to be a scientist.

And today, I am still tied to honour the eleven years old's words to her friends. To be a scientist.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Marketing by The Syko.

Sex sells. It is a fact. Of course your marketing lecturer wont emphasize this matter in your class. But audible or not, Sex sells.

Ok, stop.

I attended a talk about an education product earlier this evening. I think the 2 hours talk was quite long as they took my dinner time. I am not into business, I dont really like business, but I do like money. I attended as a favour for a friend. Beside, I went to the same college with all those business representatives. So kind of meeting "old friends from college". All of them are resigned or about to resign engineers.

I wont share the detail of the product here.

What I can say is, I rarely trust any product sold by multi level marketeers or alike or by direct selling scheme. How can I market a product I cannot trust?

Recently, few business opportunities knocked my door. First was the selendang business, which was relatively good. It was a straight business, no scheme, no pyramid, no downliner nor upliner. Just sell the selendang and collect the cash. I generated RM30. But I didnt make even a cent. I sold the selendang also as a favour. For a friend of a friend. I didnt ask for a cent.

I am just glad I actually sold something. For real. And generated real money (For others haha).

I can make money from selling selendang. A person like me sell a selendang? that is unbelievable. But I did. That was a trial. A sudden trial. The result? RM30 cold hard cash (For others).

Second, health products. But I didnt really pay attention. Also a favour for a friend of a friend. They gave me flyers to distribute.

Tonight, education product. I love education. But I am not a natural teacher. neither am I a business minded person. Personally, I prefer traditional method of teaching and learning. Kids today missed opportunities to watch empty blackboard turned into board with colourful notes and they missed the fun of learning with teaching apparatus made by creative teachers.

I dont know what next. I am sure MLM scheme is always peeping for the next downliner (read: victim). Luckily I dont have money. Ok, I lie. Let me rephrase. Luckily I dont have money FOR those MLMers. My money is enough for my needs, not enough to start a business or join another Ponzi-like scheme.

We, like money. For young (hahaha), single, and jobless like me, it is not fun to watch your fellow friends distribute their business card, while you only have your student card with you.
It is not fun to watch your friend bought and drive their own cars, while you only drive your dad's car.

Once in a gathering, my friends talked about swiping their credit cards, while I confessed to them I am still in school, and still dont have any job, let alone a credit card.

I am tired complaining. I think I said fuck more than 20 times today. I am enough with hatred, but I still have desire. The desire to own something nice. To own RM400++ tennis shoes, and I dont play tennis. I dont envy those with credit cards, let them be.

My life is plain enough. Sometimes I want to keep it like this. I dont need MLMers to tell me in front of my face that their scheme is the best.

I just want to enjoy oxygen while it is free.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Al-Fatihah kepada Datuk Haji Taufek yang meninggal dunia pada hari ini. Takziah kepada keluarga arwah. Mudah-mudahan, roh arwah dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama orang yang beriman.

Takziah juga kepada En. Cozzen (kawan kepada TikamLidah), diatas pemergian orang tersayang pada hari Isnin. Semoga arwah diampuni dosanya dan diterima amalannya.

Walaupun saya tidak begitu mengenali arwah-arwah tersebut, tetapi sebagai saudara sesama Islam, saya doakan kesejahteraan bagi roh mereka, semoga diampuni dosa mereka dan dipermudahkan perjalanan di Sana.

Saya juga mendoakan agar keluarga kedua arwah diberi kekuatan dan sentiasa mendapat perlindungan Allah SWT dalam menhadapi ujian ini.

Daripada-Nya (ALLAH SWT) kita datang dan kepada-Nya kita akan kembali. Al-Fatihah.


I heard both news via Facebook newsfeed. People share everything in Facebook, from what they eat to obituary.

Life can be surprisingly short. So make it as beautiful as possible.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Sunday Morning

Masjid UMS.

I cannot really recall when the last time I went to masjid. Last Aidiladha I went to surau at my kampung for solat raya. But seldom I go to masjid. One of other things I like about my current place is, it is close to masjid. I can hear azan from my room, and friday is extra special, I can hear a Qari recites Al-Quran before friday prayer.

I am not a pious person, but I plan to pay the nearby masjid a visit. Sometimes when I look at the masjid (picture) from cliff of the hill, I can feel sort of tranquility. Simple one, but still I like it. Or I need it.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

slr lah konon.

Ingat nak kongsi gambar terbaru dari telefonku, tapi malangnya line hijau (gprs) maka, lain kali lah ya.

Sebenarnya aku bukan baru beli handphone. Dah setahun lebih dah kot telefon berkamera tu. Selalu guna. Cuma sekarang ni ada rasa nak kongsi gambar dalam blog pula. Selalu teks saja yang panjang berkilobytes.

Cerita pasal gambar2 ni, sekarang semua orang nak ada atau dah ada kamera slr. Aku suka sangat dengan slr dulu, sehinggalah ia menjadi trend dan melahirkan ramai poser yang sangkut slr di leher ke mana2. Maka sekarang aku jijk dengan slr posers ni. (tapi kalau korang hadiahkan slr kepada ku, aku ambil).

Semua sekarang dah pandai cakap aperture lah, focus point lah, ISO lah, bangang apa entah terminology yang diguna. Lepas tu mesti nak tunjuk2 gears macam flash dan lensa. Dah beli kamera mahal bagak, dengan lensa dan aksesori mencecah 3-4 ribu (wide angle sangat mahal ok), lepas tu ambil gambar masa makan di McD atau restoren choice WanBee. Pergh... jijik aku tengok. Sebab 1) tak praktikal nak makan sambil pegang atau pikul kamera gabak tu. 2) siyall lah kan, kalau gear kau 3-4 ribu atau lebih, keupayaan kreatif kau hanya mengambil gambar leisure time di kedai makan. apa hal beb, masa makan, nak adjust angle, ISO bagai semua, bodoh sungguh.

Aku selalu kata (tulis) It is Photographer is not camera. Aku akui lah ada pemilik slr yang betul2 nak ambil gambar, dan bukannya semua pemilik slr ni poser haram. Tapi, well.. kita boleh tahu kan mana intan mana kaca botol. Aku rasa pro photog, kalau time makan dia makan betul2 kot. Tapi biasalah Malaysia, masa musim AF tengok AF, masa musim Band indie semua pakat pergi gigs, masa musim MLM semua berabis main MLM. Pendek kata trendy dan bermusim. Begitu juga slr ni.

Dari kau buang duit beribu riban beli gear mahal2 siap wide angle, flash gabak, tripod sedurable cakar adimintium (tak tahu eja, tapi cakar wolverine yang aku maksudkan), tapi last2 ambil gambar awek makan McD, apa hal? Baik kau beli kamera kompak biasa (below RM1000) lepas tu duit yang beribu2 ringgit yang kau guna buat beli gears tu, kau bikin beli tiket kapal ke Kemboja kah, Vietnam kah, Poland kah, India kah... lepas tu kau photokan gambar2 kat sana. (seriusly aku nak pergi Kemboja). lebih berbaloi kot spend duit ribu2 macam tu.

Dengan slr juga membolehkan pemangsa kanak-kanak berjaya memfoto gambar lucah anak bawah umur dengan resolusi yang lebih jelas. iya lah kan, nama pun anak bawah umur, bodoh. umpan sikit kata "kau cantik, boleh jadi model", dan dan budak tu tunjuk lurah siap kangkang untuk difoto. untuk photog macam ni, memang bangsat siyall lah.

aku bukan benci slr dan pemilik slr as whole. tapi poser2 yang main slr sebagai trendy item give photography the bad name.

Apa pun aku masih nak beli kamera kompak tapi power, macam Lumix LX-3 atau Olympus PEN. atau digital Lomo.

Full Moon and Sunset Saga.

15 (or 17?) safar

5 February

I like both pictures. It is time to chill and enjoy the surrounding. Even it looks very trivial. But I choose to appreciate it.

Do another petition and remove him once and for all.

A lot of things happen lately. Me and my friends gathered more often to lose some steams. biasa lah kan meluahkan perasaan ni. I am glad I am surrounded by these people, more or less we understand each others' pains. To hear some unfortunate news on how fellow students have been bullied and mentally abused by so call academicians, well it is really make me sad and angry at same time. The post grad students dont have strong guild to fight for our right. Last time I know, the post grad association was headed by an Algerian. Where is he now? I heard he got the whole house for himself and his family, while the locals have to share with others (5 heads per house). The HEP is incapable to throw out the errand tenant like the Jordan girl who has been squatting in house no. 2, even though she is no longer a student. sudah grad pun. Contoh klasik Arab kurang hajar.

ala, bukan ramai sangat pun arab jordan di Sabah ni. senang saja mau detect perempuan tu.

Anyway, congratulation to Virtual Jentayu. (you know congrat pasal apa kan)

Next time collect petition to oust the stupid pengetua. he is so stupid. Collect signature to remove the pengetua, send it to NC, TNCs, Dean, Deputy Deans, and of course use the media, Sabahkini portal or Daily Express. Do it. They have been bullied us, the clients for quite sometimes now.

If they refuse to entertain the needs of the students (= clients). send an article to Sabahkini portal. If it is uploaded, I will more than please to screenprint the article.

Now it is time to return some blows. I prefer underbelt blows (even though there is no need to punch the southern most department, because they have no balls there!).

The root of all problem is the pengetua, he moved the tenants from the safer housing to less secure and poorly maintained place which houses are without iron grills. 3 break in cases within 3 months. what next? wait until someone dies?

5 February 20 Safar

Earlier today, The sky was extra blue. And extremely beautiful. I took some times to enjoy the view and I like it. Immaculately Beautiful. SubahanAllah, Alhamdullilah. Maha Suci Allah, Segala Puji Bagi Allah Tuhan Seluruh Alam.

Pictures were taken by using my sony ericsson k770i phone at approx. 1 pm. before I went to lunch. I have very beautiful sunset of 20 Safar, and Safar full moon photos. Will share with you later.

p/s: as usual forgot to rotate.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Nokturnal sudah tidur malam.

I had a very good sleep. Well it is relatively good since I hadn't sleep well at night since months.

Woke up at 4.30 am. And Solat Isya'. Tidur about 10.30 pm-11.00 pm last night. Nasib baik subuh masuk lambat. If not.. there goes my Isya'. Ni dah masuk Subuh ni.

And I feel a bit sleepy. ok, ciao. Mau Subuh dulu. then we'll see, laundry or skipping or sleeping. or all of above.

p/s: minum air masak lepas subuh, bikin awet muda eh?

Monday, February 1, 2010

Baju Kurung 2

I pissed too soon. Actually the Baju Kurung is really really really good. It is comfortable, it is beautiful, it is orange, the fabric is so soft, and not skin revealing as I thought earlier. Oh sorry my Baju Kurung, saya tersalah sangka. Sorry Ma, I love you even more.

I was *inhale really really really pissed *exhale when the first time I saw the Baju Kurung. But I was wrong. Remember girl, YOUR MOM IS ALWAYS RIGHT. Listen to her, ok.

This Baju Kurung is sooooo awe *wait for it* some!, and almost everyone tegur my Baju today. (sebenarnya ini kali pertama pakai baju kurung pergi Lab). I dont have to dress in ringed out of planet kind of outfit (like Lady Ga-Ga) to turn people's head. Simply, I don in english cotton-floral printed orange Baju Kurung. Walla~ I am the Ga-Ga of today.

Actually I craved for english cotton baju kurung for quite sometimes, (may be since I watched Amani with white baju kurung in SilkyGirl Commercial or in her movies). To add some sugar, this kain ela dipilih and dibeli oleh my Ma as birthday present. I got two presents for my last bday (2 sahaja, dah kira banyak ok).

masa mula2 ambil dari dressmaker baju ini terasa sangat nipis dan mendedahkan kulit (terasa sahaja). I was sulking like mad. because it is my bday present from my mom, and the end product is under my expectation. then I sulked, of course my Ma bukan banyak masa untuk pujuk aku. Take it or leave it. There goes my bday present. (I know I sound very BIMBO).

Then in the end I took it. The Baju Kurung tergantung di almari for another 2 weeks. sebelum I have gut to put it on today. Earlier today when I woke up, I decided to put it on. And I like it.

Took me 2 weeks to decide to wear bday present from my Ma. (Apa jenis cerewet lah aku ni?). Usually I am not. cuma dah lama nak baju kurung english cotton corak bunga kecil2. But anyway.. I like my baju kurung as it is. And I Love My Mother Very Much.