Sunday, January 31, 2010

more and more friends are married.

Two friends are married today. Congratulation to Faridah & husband and Sumiati & husband. Well I didnt attend both weddings. I hate wedding, remember?. Actually I am in KK and both weddings were held in Kampung.

I cant rational marriage. I dont know. I am just not a married type. people get married, fine. I dont have problem with their marriage or them. Just most of the time I dont understand the relationship and married people.

Why do people get married anyway?

they have their personal reasons. but sometimes their reasons are so awful. most of the time they have common reasons. Like;

1. They dont want to be alone.

2. They are old. And they MUST have kids. They are in HURRY to reproduce. (btw, why?).

3. They want to do sex.

4. They have enough money, good job, car, house, can afford hantaran, good life. And by right, They should get married. Because that is what people with enough money, good job, car, house, can afford hantaran, and good life USUALLY do.

etc etc etc...

how many times people get married because of they want to, because of "I LOVE YOU". Worse if people get married because of "I SEX YOU". Well some of them do get married because of I sex You.

Most people get married because they cant stand being single. For women especially. They are afraid being single. They are afraid with social stigma (am I using this word correctly? correct me If I am not). Many of my friends cannot wait to get married. They are all over their guys. May be because of unconditional love. But, personally I think they are just too afraid being single or alone. They are afraid kena kutuk because usually orang mengata or mengutuk those who are in their late 20's but still single.

well, we are designed as social creatures. It is our fitrah to have partner (or partners).

I am single. I am not afraid being single. Not now (or not yet). I dont have plan on this particular issue. For now, I prefer being single. I have no worry with my age, I am 24 going 25 and still single. And I like it. I am not in hurry to reproduce. I am not sure whether I want progeny or not. For now, whenever I see parents tangled with their (restless) kids in food joints or restaurants, I said quietly to myself. I am happy I dont have kid. At least for that particular time.

When people ask (about when will I get married). Either I give them the lamest proper answer or I ridicule the question.

We, at some point fall into circle of insecurity. Earlier this day after I had very very thick and sweet chicken lemon with rice and very tawar hambar barley drink, I said to myself, I will buy a sport car if I dont get married by the time I am 40. And that is an example of insecurity.

but soon after that, I told myself, If I buy a sport car, I will feel like stupid after few minutes .

And I do think those who get married just because they are afraid of kena kutuk kerana tak kahwin are simply feel insecure with themselves.

I am not against married. Please, do get married. I wont stop you. I am muslim, I cant against married. Just I dont think I'll fit well in such kind of relationship. May be I am wrong.

I dont know when will I get married, and I dont give a shit about it. So dont ask me.

p/s: the lamest question for newlywed would be soalan pasal anak and the first night question. I dont know why people are keen to ask newlywed about their wedding night. may be bergurau, but it is simply RUDE. Be civilized ok.

After more than 2 years and a death.

I met Razman yesterday. First time after more than 2 years since our last meeting. And after a death. We didn't talk much about the lost, may be only 2 or 3 sentences, by me. But he shared with me a murder story. He handles death way much better than I do.

The rest of detail is not for sharing. Or I dont want to share it.

See you again brother. Hopefully soon.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Live from chamber of depress

Kadang-kadang hidup ini boleh menjadi dramatik secara mendadak. Kematian boleh membawa kesedihan, keinsafan, dan juga peringatan kepada yang masih hidup.

Saying bad thing about the dead is not good. And this is not about respect, because respect need to be earned not given. This is about manner or adab, only those with lack of adab are willing to say bad thing about the dead. Not just that, it is inhuman to the family of the decease.

When someone dies, we pray for his or her soul well being. Or remain silent if you dont have any good words or prayer to offer. At least, give the family the times they need to mourn.


Mind is like a restless naughty boy. Most of the time it doesn't stop wandering.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Baju Kurung.

Baju kurung itu kekecewaan yang besar. Damn!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Previous post was the 666th.

Kereta rosak. Lagi. Aku sudah habis marah dan maki. Malas sudah marah marah. Nasib baik masa tidak boleh start tu aku sudah sampai dekat bilik. Masa tu subuh dalam 5.00-5.30 pagi. Aku baru mau balik dari lab masa tu.

Habis plan segala terkensel serta merta. Nasib baik ada kawan yang tumpangkan aku ke lab lepas tu. Hari ini aku duduk bilik sepanjang hari. Makan pun, makan saja apa yang ada di bilik ni.


ni aku mau cerita pasal orang aku, 'my people' and Facebook.

Facebook sekarang sudah jadi kaunter aduan rakyat. Bila jambatan tidak siap, tulis status di Fb, bila, gula mahal tulis status di Fb, pendek kata anything happened under the sun or under the cover semua orang update status di Fb.

They fight tooth and nail over litar lumba motor, bustop, empty gerai, gelanggang futsal, gelangang bola tampar, and who knows what else. bottom line is they fight and ready to spill lager over petty things.

above all, they do acknowledge one thing. They are poor and there are others who are richer or appeared to be richer than them. some people rich some people poor. no big deal. but when the poor people get envy with the rich people, and all this poor chap do is yapping and yapping about how the richer is taking so call wang rakyat and wang rakyat. The richer wont get poorer, and the poor chap wont get richer. That part, the poor chap do not want to acknowledge.

'my people' are suck ass. They gamble day and night, drinking cheap alcohol or smuggled beer at night, and scratching their balls. In between they log in their Facebook and complaining about that bridge, this futsal court, this bustop. And then, log out their Facebook account and main judi katam-katam, and share 2 botol beer minum 14 orang. And the cycle continue.

sudah lah miskin, with low salary, then finish the every cent in your pocket to gamble in fucking katam-katam game, and gulping a bottle or two tiger beer. No wonder you are miskin mangkok! Celaka jahanam punya orang.

and then when arrogant umno people drive 4 wheel truck, these beer drinking katam-katam gamblers get jealous, and crap their pants by chanting slogan wang rakyat wang rakyat. 'Wang rakyat' is there, for those 4wd driving umno rats 'wang rakyat' means peluang. And they are smart enough to grab it. Do you think this peluang grabbing umnos can buy a 4wd if they are scratching their balls and betting all their money in fucking katam-katam game? fuck your answer. because your answer is full with excuses

I am not a fan of umno or umno rats. but at least these rats grabbed whatever peluang they get and change their lifestyle. in other words they are working. yes, working. Their honesty in what they do is not for me to judge, but at least they are working, not just lazying around and complaining about futsal court here and there and then go playing katam-katam and gulping down smuggled tiger beer. Fuck them if they do. But at least, mereka bukan mendengki sepanjang hari, sepanjang minggu, and then update status facebook whining like ho about bustop.

my people yang suck ass katam-katam gambler ni, bukan tidak bekerja.They do have job. but.. well it is low paid job. and they get envy with those umno rats yang duit banyak. These katam-katam boys are male with penis, they too want to get married, just their salary is not enough to pay for wang hantaran, and since they cannot afford for wang hantaran in anyhow, the last cent in their pocket is disedekahkan kepada tokey katam-katam.

by the way, I am glad these katam katam fuck cannot afford wang hantaran. because if they do, then they can get married. And then bini dia beranak, and produce katam-katam gambler junior. but still the katam-katam gambler senior akan melalak, komplen, whining like ho, when his junior masuk sekolah and he cannot afford to pay for yuran pibg. still salahkan government, walaupun the father was sooooooooo stupid, and did not use condom at the first place. Condom is cheaper than child care you moron!.

Back to main issue. why these katam-katam gamblers get low paid job? yes.. dear they have low education background. listen, katam-katam wont change your lifestyle, education does. And like any other trouble maker across country, these katam katam gamblers started as budak merokok di tandas sekolah, as pemonteng sekolah, as kaki pukul, as kaki gaduh. Cikgu dah awal-awal surrender, and they continue with the path they have choose. And ended as katam-katam gamblers.

They are trapped in vicious circle of poverty. Their parents were poor. When they were in school they decided to skip the science class and joined others beating the rival gang to half dead. 10 years later, their get low paid job, and they still mau betting main katam-katam. boo hooo..... mangkok.. miskin celaka tidak sedar diri!!!!!

Itu lah, the oldest nasihat in book said, "belajar rajin-rajin". But those katam-katam gamblers didnt listen. and now they are fucked up. All they can do is komplen sana sini orang lain kaya than them. boooo fucking hoooo...

of course, they think by joining PKR or the Anwar Gang would change their life. again Boo fucking hoooooooo..... people who think like this are delusional and in denial. They are too lazy to help themselves and seek asylum in Anwar's ashram instead, the very ashram with temporarily placebo effect, and this katam-katam gamblers need it more than ever. so they can feel less suck about their soooooo fucked life.

if you want to change your nasib diri, change it yourself, not waiting for magic hand of Anwar to change it for you. Your MP cannot change your nasib, your YB may be can help you, but to eventually transform you to a better person, with better earning to afford mas kahwin for your lady it is YOU, yourselves.

And first of all, kick the habit. Stop betting in katam-katam fucking game, stop drinking tiger beer jahanam. And use your energy to work, and to learn or anything to transform everything to be better.

leaving the katam-katam mat empty is a good start. yes, you fuck, I am not kidding, NOT playing katam-katam is a virtue. It is good for you. katam katam fucked your life most of the time, so just damn leave it.

what make me sad or pissed or whatever. These very people went to school with me, we practically grow up together. and they ended as katam katam gamblers with cheap salary and delusional PKR fanboy. I understand, if they political view is PKR, but they hope for PKR to change things for them, that part is too good to be true. even if PKR rules... if these gamblers dont want to change themselves, as katam katam gamblers they shall remain.

they demand field to play football or futsal or badminton. and then play some katam-katam at night. thats all. they are the easiest crowd to entertain. but the entertainment itself dragged them further into the darkest hole of stupidity, ass-holeness, and also poverty.

after all, who wants to entertain demand of a bunch of balls scratching lazy beer drinking katam katam gamblers?

again. stop the drinking and stop gambling. Even Johnny Soparanos told Tony not to gamble. Gamble is bad. Drinking is evil. They just dont fuck get it. They refuse to get it. fuck them.

How can YB helps you if you are not willing to help yourself at the first place?.

and in Fb, they clearly stated, they hate orang belajar tinggi tapi tidak tahu mengenang budi. what budi they talk about i dont know. of course in society, somehow they contributed something. But if they demand reward for their contribution. Fuck them.

you know what kind of person who hate orang belajar tinggi? yes, orang yang tiada pelajaran. they had their chance, they blew it without thinking. Masa belajar main-main, masa main main-main, masa kerja main-main.

what a waste!

and all of them are my saudara mara. And yes, they are Muslims. I dont know how to help them. therefore I kutuk them here.

so kid.. this is why education is so important. do listen to good advice. do your mathematics homework. yes I hated homework too. but just get it done. nothing harm with it.

Education or Ilmu cannot guarantee you 4wd truck, or sekarung duit, or enough wang hantaran for your lady. But at least with education you are few steps away from becoming low paid labour who finish his salary in gambling and beer. kerja gaji banyak or sikit, bukan masalah sangat. as long as bekerja yang halal yang baik, fine. masalah besar sini ialah orang gaji sikit yang menghabiskan gaji yang sikit itu dengan berjudi dan meminum arak.

Poverty is evil. We must eradicate poverty with education. And education is a very very very tricky thing to do. dont believe me? look at PPSMI mambo jumbo...

Monday, January 18, 2010

Just a post.

I am not good in handling separation, let alone death. I accept my friend had returned to the creator, Allah SWT. I am just sad.

I hope I can appreciate life more.

What really shocked me other than sudden depart of my friend is, how bloody cold people's heart could be. Some people just ignore my message about Nel. Times do change people huh. And this really make me sad. More.

I know people move on with their life. Get married, having kids, have no time to entertain or concern about others, because they just busy. They are busy living, they dont care about death. I am ashamed I know these kind of people, and once very close to them.

I did my part, I did spread the news. On how people would react, that's definitely beyond my control.

My brother and sister never met Nel personally, but even them concerned about this sad news.

I spare those cold blooded hati kering people from my strong poisonous words because I love Nel. I know Nel himself was very forgiving and caring person. And those people were the very people he concerned when he was alive.

FR, I know we were just a phase in your so busy flowery life. But I cant accept your ignorance. Especially when you did it to my brother.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

In Loving Memory, Nelazahar 1985-2010

Nelazahar on his graduation day, 2008. (photo taken from Nel's Facebook account).

Nelazahar Junaidi or Nel as he better known, was one of a very dear friend of mine, passed away on 14 January 2010, at Kuching General Hospital, because of heart and lung complications. Left behind his beloved parents, siblings, and friends (lots of them).

We met in KML in 2003, later went to UKM , and had many fond memories together. This guy, used to help me carried my books when we walked to cafe for our lunch or tea time or while waiting for bus, shared his foods, notes, stories, even umberella with me. Oh my... too many good things and memories about him.

Once he even "mengalah", when I really wanted the last pack of sweet bun left in the shop, of which he had already paid for it. He shared the last pack of sweet bun with me.

I want to remember him as a good friend, a good brother, funny joker, novel addict, nasyid lover, who was always made me smile, feel protected, and happy. Nel offered me what he did the best, Friendship. I am grateful for that. I was lucky to have him as a friend and a brother.

Many of his friends were lucky to have him. He never discriminated his friends, he loved his friends and his friends love him. He was a sweet guy, with very delicate soul, kindhearted, caring, friendly, and a Mom's boy, which I always teased him. Yes, he was. And always be.

My brother Nel, was the best stranger Allah SWT ever sent me, and to HIM my dear Nel returned. Nel belongs to his creator. Rest in peace brother, may your soul is placed among the believers. I will always miss you and love you.

My deepest condolences and prayers for his beloved parents and family.

Al-Fatihah, Semoga roh arwah Nelazahar bin Junaidi dicucuri rahmat, diampuni dosa-dosanya, dan diterima amalannya.

Amin, Ya Rabb Al Amin.

Last night was tough, I couldn't sleep, I cried, and I cried until I fell asleep. And I woke up only to cry again.

I tried to inform and spread the news to my friends, I couldn't reach some of them. But at least I tried.

Razman called me at 3.40+ am, I almost cried again, when I told Razman about our dear Nel.

On Friday morning, my phone was flooded with messages from friends. I didn't log in my Facebook, because I just couldn't bear to read responses or comments upon the sad news.

So long brother. Nelazahar, we miss you. :'(

Friday, January 15, 2010


Al-Fatihah kepada sahabatku yang dikasihi Nelazahar bin Junaidi (ex-KML 2003-2004, ex-UKM 2004-2008). Semoga perjalanan mu dipermudahkan di sana.

Takziah kepada ibu bapa dan keluarga Nel, diatas pemergian anakanda yang dikasihi. Semoga roh arwah dicucuri rahmat.

I feel so numb right now, I feel so blank, will write his tribute post later. Thanks to Mr. Fazzil for kindly informed me about Nel departure. and I still cant contact my dear beloved buddy, Razman.

Razman, just me and you left buddy, Nel had already left us. Please return my call ASAP.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Lintas langsung dari Makmal

aku dalam lab ni, cuba2 buat kerja malam2 buta. Alih2 blog juga yang aku update. Line memang lebih memuaskan di Lab banding di bilik. mungkin celcom nak suruh aku duduk dalam lab lebih kot. Malam2 ni sunyi sepi. Aku pun dah padam lampu dah. Kejap lagi lah nak sambung menaip.

Penat lah. Lagi banyak aku taip, banyak lagi aku belum taip. Kerja ini pandai beranak pinak.

P/s: menulis lah kamu seolah-olah kamu akan menghantar tesis pada esok harinya.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I know it is suck. Just give me an A for effort.

all of sudden, I think about target in my life, other than wrap up my study with scroll. Married is totally off the table, so leave it there, but first I want to have a real proper job.

What if, I cant (get proper job)? so when I was brushing my teeth just now, I have planned my plan B. Which is, I will hunt for job, and if I cant score any proper job within 1-2 years, I will resume my study. Not in science, but law. Where? I dont know.

My father wants me to be a lawyer. ALWAYS. Even after my graduation in 2007, he is still hoping I will choose to enroll in law school, but I didnt, I choose to stick with my field, the very field I am struggling with right now.

Sometimes last year, I was browsing few pamphlets of college and university, other than looking for potential place to do my next degree in science, I was also peeping if there is opportunity for me to study law in one of those colleges. Nothing serious, more like a 'window shopping'. He almost instantly agree if I want to register in any law school at any time.

Doing M.Sc wasnt really his first choice, but mine. His first choice is always, get my ass a seat in any law school.

Now I reconsider that option. I never say never to law school. It is not like I want to be a lawyer, but I am interested to study law. Yes, not practicing, studying. I think these two are different things, right?

As far as I can recall, first he wants my first brother to study law, but didnt happen, his first son read business instead. When I finished high school, he hinted, he wants me to choose form 6 and then, enroll in law school. But I didnt, I choose heaven and hell matriculation program, then ended in Bangi for 3 years. He never really wanted my other siblings to study law though. Just me and first bro.

now, I am 24 years old, 25th next October, I spent half of my 20's decade in schools, so... I dont know. It is not like he forces me to read law, but he never really stop either, still hoping one day I will read law.

The mambo jumbo between me, my father, and law school, reminds me a scene in 3. Remember, the scene when Corleone's son told his father he wanted to quit law school, and how Corleone insisted his son not to.


a part time job vacancy knocks my lab door today. Sounds interesting and tiring. I think the offer is still open, but I dont want to yang di kejar tak dapat yang di kendong berciciran. Though the job requires you to demonstrate/monitor lab for 3 hours a day, still the preparation usually takes at least 1 hour prior the real periods, so about added another 1-2 hours, means about 3-4 hours per day. With my race with time to finish my volume, I must say, it is too ambitious and greedy. The money is good, just need extra times and extra patience to claim it.

If I take the job, I dont know if I can juggle my current lab work with additional 3 hours. well that' s a lot of lab works.


I am just kinda lost right now. Luckily sometimes I find refuge at 9-15. Thanks peeps. They are good people, who are willing to accept a social desperado like me.

anyway, the McD cashier asked me whether I live in Neuyork. I reluctantly said yes, well.. I am living in Neuyork. She said she saw me driving the black car (which is belong to my sister). Again, I reluctantly, verified that was me. But I told her, I am no longer driving the car, it was just for that particular week.

See... clearly, I eat at McD more than often, at least often enough to have small talk with the cashier there. And people are starting noticed my presence here, in Neuyork.

Which I prefer if they dont.

p/s: Pardon my pathetic English. I am trying...

Monday, January 11, 2010

Rojak dan Cocktail

Online from 9-15. baru tengok AJL. Yuna nombor 2.

Aku suka lagu tu. Black layak menang. syok juga lagu dia nyanyi tu. Aku rasa pemenang tu menang handpicked lah. Aku rasa. Tapi layak lah juga.

anyway, rasa macam tengok konsert pun ada. syok, syok.

aku lapar ni, kurang sikit gaya mau berfikir. lagipun internet slow mo. malas sudah aku mau menyumpah. seriously lapar, cuma makan nasi ayam sikit tadi petang dalam pukul 6. tadi masa tengok Tv makan kek. eeii.. macam mau pigi McD ni.. geram aku. sabar.

pasal Isu nama Allah, Ya Allah, melampau ni orang dalam forum kutuk2 orang Islam. sedih aku bila agama di politikkan oleh orang Islam.

Yang tidak Islam lagi lah ambil kesempatan, gereja tu bukan blow sampai hancur pun, ada rosak2 lah. But damages done onto people is more permenent. Media asing jangan cakap lah, memang agak lakhnat.

aku sedih dalam forum, Orang Kristian sudah pandai persoalkan hukum undang2 syariah Islam. Geram aku.

Nope I dont feel sorry, regret yes, but not sorry. Kepada orang2 Islam jangan lah anda rasa bersalah atau rendah diri, bukan kita yang bakar gereja tu. Orang yang bertanggungjawab belum di ketahui, biarlah polis menyiasat. Jangan main tuduh tanpa bukti. It is not helping.

Moga Allah memberikan banyak kesabaran kepada kita semua. Semoga Allah melindungi kita semua. Saudara Muslimin muslimat, ini lah masanya kita bersatu padu. bukan makin berpecah belah. I dont welcome any comment or opinion from politicians, as it is always politically motivated. I also dont welcome any comment which can divide muslim, not even from Tok Guru. Tok Guru is not always right.

Saturday, January 9, 2010


I used to fancy London very much. Oppss... I rephrase, very very very much. Especially when I was 16.

I think, it had strong positive correlation with my affection to David Beckham then.

Now I fancy New York. Very Much.

Why? I dont know. May be I watched to many Tv series.

I never really fancy Paris, I dont why. I know people said it is beautiful.

And I really really want to visit and live in Amsterdam. May be, because I like The Black Tulip by Alexandre Dumas. Who was a French.

I Love...

My Old Laptop very much. oh my Oldie, please do love me in return, jangan buat problem.

P/s: I Love You. more.

Getting worse...


As expected, It's getting worse.

I beg for all people please be patience. Keep our faith together. Keep our mind clear. Pray, please pray. A lot. Pray for guidance and blessing from The Almighty Allah SWT.

This is a test for us. We need more wisdom, more patience, to handle this issue. Torching down churches wont help, and further provocation will only lead us to bottomless dark hole of hatred. By the way nothing good come from hatred, it is HATRED, it is bad, what else do you expect?

To my dear muslimin and muslimat, brothers and sisters, pray to ALLAH SWT, ask for His guidance, ask for His forgiveness, ask for His protection. In this difficult time, we need to stand our ground, keep our faith together, be patience.

I pray and hope, I have more patience, more patience, more patience.

Ya ALLAH, ya Tuhan ku, ampunkan lah dosa ku, dosa kedua ibu bapaku, dosa keluargaku. Kuat kan lah Iman kami kepada mu ya Allah, lindungi lah kami semua, jauhkan lah kami dari seksa api neraka.

Ampunkanlah dosa ku, kuat kan lah iman ku kepadamu ya Allah. Hanya kepada mu ku menyembah, hanya kepada mu ku memohon pertolongan.

Amin, ya Rabb al amin.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Just Saying

Mixed response over God's name issue. Well... I believe, Islam is a religion of peace, so my dear brothers and sisters, muslimin and muslimat, keep your faith together, we will through this test, Insya Allah. We need to be patience, keep our faith together. keep our faith together.

This is not something political at the first place, but still, politicians are always manipulating every issue that can be manipulated.

Anyway, I read this article . may be I like it. This one here, well... has points too.

Spreading hatred, or alike is so unnecessary, it will only tarnish the good name of Islam and muslims. That's why I keep on saying, be patience, and keep our faith together.

May Allah's blessing and guidance be with us.


Extra Update

During this difficult time, extra update is must.

Pathetic like my English.

I am exhausted.

Oh yeah. I Love My Mother, so much.

What else? I need to sleep. Tomorrow, is just another day. tick tock tick tock.......

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Last night or emmm earlier this morning, I spent more than 2 hours to manage my email inbox; deleting Gajillion bytes of notifications from Facebook, downloading attachments, replying emails, reading forwarded junk mails. Other than that, I did some documents back up. The constantly disconnected network was successfully slowing me down.

I dont know which will be my official first Baby, to date, I dont know whether my work during my final year in Bangi was already published or not. if yes, I dont know whether my name was included. May be, I have first born, without knowing it existent.

My name is included in another paper, which manuscript is already in the mail box of editor, yet published, but hopefully soon. I read the full manuscript last night, well.... it is well written (not by me of course). If the paper is accepted, then my little contribution in Java will be my first full paper publication.

I have one official publication, but it is not full paper. Still considered as publication though. I am struggling to finish and present my full volume. I must do it, before I face another gauntlet to prepare the full paper. Anyway, I published something during my two yo-yo years in this campus. So, more or less, I contribute something to my field. That's count ok!. I need the credit.

When I enrolled into this yo-yo program I set my aim to publish paper. At least one. I did, more or less I scored my aim. It is miserable, roller coaster, cursing spree, yo-yo dual or triple life, heartbreaking, freezing in hell years, I cant wait to finish this. I cursed almost everything within these two years. A lot, I must say. Way more than curses I ever said in 22 years.


Yesterday and today are considered as my most progressive, productive days since months ago. I finished writing description for 2 families in 2 days. I re-do my drawing, my very important finding, but sadly it is awfully drawn.

I dont know what to plan actually, what I do is I keep on working whenever I want to work, that's it. No specific plan or schedule. If I have to stick to my plan and schedule, I will curse more and more. Very bad for my cardiac, and of course makes my sins list goes longer.


Facebook is boring, at least to me. I think my interest with facebook is already reached its optimum point and now the intensity is gradually decreasing. Is it good? I dont know.

Oh yeah, still not finish reading my 2-3 books. When will? I dont know.


It's been a year or so since my last jalan-jalan, to Brunei and Kudat (December 2008). I went to Java, last year, but for work (which manuscript is already in press). It was my first time, I really enjoyed during my stay there.

This year, I got two invitations to join course/conference related to my field, one in Kedah, another in Singapore. I want to participate but I dont have money to pay the fee. Ok, I lie. I have money but it is not for course/conference fee.

I want to go to Penang, to eat Penang char kuey teow, but still I havent register the online banking thingy, so I cant purchase ticket online.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I Love My Mother. Very.

I Love My Mother. Wish I can talk to her more often, with more topics. Most of the time I don't know what to talk about, but I love her regardless.

one and half hour drive away, and I miss her everyday.

p/s: and the tear ducts are about to blow... (this must be hormone).

Monday, January 4, 2010

Allah SWT Maha Esa.

Issue of using Allah name in Christian publication. According to them (Herald), Allah is also used in Arabic Bible.

but, what is the original language of Bible? is it in Arabic? They shall refer to the original Bible, as far as I know, Isa or Jesus is not Arab, he is Bani Israel, therefore his mother tongue should be Aramaic or Hebrew. So why follow Arabic Bible? why not follow the original scripture? which is in Aramaic or in Hebrew?

Direct translation for God in Bahasa Melayu is Tuhan, thats all. Just use Tuhan, so all these mess can be avoided.

In Christian, they believe in trinity which is opposite with Islamic aqidah, in Islam, in Al-Quran, Allah is one.

Al Ikhlas;

Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One. Allah , the Eternal Refuge. He neither begets nor is born. Nor is there to Him any equivalent."

(AlQuran 112: 1-4).

The original language of Al-Quran is in Arabic. If they (Herald) want to translate their publication into Bahasa Melayu, they shall use Tuhan as direct translation for God. So if here in Malaysia, God for Christians is Allah, so what about God for Christians in America? How about Christians in Korea? How about Christians in Africa?


To my fellow muslimin and muslimat, we shall strengthened our faith to Allah SWT. Return to the true path of Islam, follow the teaching of Al-Quran and As-Sunnah. We shall stand together, shoulder to shoulder, to preserve our faith, to protect our religion, Islam, and Ummah.

Tests are coming from every where, we shall stand our ground, May Allah's blessing shine upon us.

Numerical Method/Kaedah Berangka

Punya lah slow mo internet, sampai lupa apa aku nak tulis tadi. eh... macam2 kan sekarang ni. aku main taram tulis apa yang terkeluar dari jari jemari aku lah eh..

1. Kancil masuk workshop.

last week, habis punah segala plan rajin aku. Gara-gara kancil tak boleh di start. penyakit lama kembali. maka the rest of week aku habiskan bersama keluarga tercinta, makan minum, tengok tv, shopping, gadoh, semua dengan family.

aku plan nak jimba2 dengan rumah 9 lorong 15, tapi apa kan daya, kereta pinjam itu rosak.

sekarang aku pakai kereta atas ihsan orang kampung tersayang. aku tak biasa sangat kereta ini, maka drive pun, slow mo juga. walaupun pick up dia ada up sikit dari kancil burok itu.

2. wedding free weekend.

we need more wedding free weekend. yes, it is good, shall have more often I demand more. I like oh no, I love a wedding free weekend.

3. Blog berwajah baru.

aku ingat nak tukar blog ni supaya menjadi lebih emm... cantik lah kot. tapi aku pun tak tahu macam mana nak buat. dengan line internet macam begini lambat ni, adui... tangguh lah sehingga bila aku terbuka hati nak buat.

4. masalah2

kalau nak disenaraikan semua, semput lah line internet aku ni. tapi memang banyak sekali masalah nya... so, tak apa, dugaan semua itu. Harap2 boleh diselesaikan secepat mungkin.

5. Now, I am willing to "get married".

For now, I am willing to marry my laptop. I love it so much, no matter how much hardship my laptop gives me, or I give it in return, we are still going strong. since 2004. And thats what we call love, or commitment, or absurd affection or all of above.

Lets make another wonderful, rollercoaster, full with curses, and physical abuse years. I need you so much.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Hello there,

Someone from America googled my blog's url.


Berteleku lah dibirai katil kerana dia ada ketagihan internet yang teruk. Maka Jangan kahwin lagi.

Ucapan sayang itu tanda menyampah. Maka ucap dua kali bikin jadi muntah.

Kopi campuran tongkat ali ada habuk papan. Maka jangan Beli.

Zappel bukan tuak epal. Maka boleh diminum.

serious, lagu aril "ingin diri mu dekat dihatiku" terasa sangat homoseksual. Maka tutup radio.

Melodi, tak elok untuk ditonton, sudah lapuk lagi kurang ajar. Maka berhenti tonton.


aku sudah tengok Avatar. baru aku tahu Avatar tu berasal dari perkataan Hindu/Sanskrit. apa pun filem Avatar tu aku suka. walaupun cliche. mengingatkan aku salah satu filem sci-fi yang aku suka sangat sangat The Abbyss.

Aku bukan suka sci fi sangat. kerana banyak mengarut.

senarai Sci Fi yang aku suka;

1. Planet of the apes
2. The Abbyss
3. Journey to the centre of the earth
4. Avatar

aku tak ingat kalau ada yang lain2. tapi ini yang top lah aku suka. Star wars, seriously aku tak faham, tak suka, tak nak faham. star trek, walaupun kadang2 aku rasa peminat star trek adalah unik, kerana boleh handle kekarutan yang melimpah ruah dalam siri tv itu. oh ya The real Mr. Smith ada dalam Star trek, Scott Bekula. eh... jangan salah sangkan aku tak tengok star trek, so aku tahu sebab aku baca wiki. (apa ke jadah aku cari wikipedia Scott Bekula?, itu adalah rahsia).

ok, back to Avatar,

yang aku suka:

1. Dr. Grace.

Dia Biologist, kononnya lah. dia buat tumbuhan, dan segala biologi di Pandora. even tulis buku pasal botany of Pandora, pandai cakap bahasa Navi, ajar english kepada penduduk Pandora.

actually, I can relate myself to Grace. I am trained as Biologist, atau lebih tepat lagi Botanist. and I could see Dr. Grace berlakon. Kami orang2 biologi ni tak ada lah kalau passionate cakap2 penuh ekspresi muka dengan orang ramai. we are pretty normal. dan Kami pentingkan nyawa sendiri berbanding spesimen. plus my side interest other than internet, eh.. salah, biologi is language.

apa pun aku suka watak Dr. Grace, walaupun aku dah agak dah, mesti ada yang mati2 punya.

2. Jake Sully's legs.

kita semua tahu semua dalam filem itu Jake Sully ialah seorang Marine yang bekerusi roda akibat kecederaan. dan Kakinya nampak vestigial dalam movie itu. aku tak tahu lah vestigial kerana mekap, special effect, prosthetic, CGI... tapi nampak pretty vestigial.

ok, ni aku nak kasi kuliah percuma. Dalam biologi, biasanya anggota yang tidak lagi digunakan, atau jarang digunakan, seperti kaki Jake Sully yang sudah tidak digunakan, selalunya akan menjadi vestigial, atau mengecil.

Cikgu aku pernah bagitau, kalau kita malas naik tangga, asyik naik lif, lama2 kaki kita akan jadi vestigial. of course lah bukan dalam masa one man life span, tapi mungkin 2-3 generasi. nanti thumb kita pula yang dominant kerana suka tekan2 keyboard, touchscreen, keypad..
same thing dengan otak lah kot. tengok lah Aeon Flux, the animation bukan filem betul. lagi radical idea dalam kartun tu. sama taraf menghidu gam.

Maka, Syabas lah kerana pihak pembikin movie pay attention kepada detail itu.

3. Pandora

gila marvelos.... fuh.. when the makhluk berwarna biru meloncat2 (Avatar si Dr grace, Norman, Jake) melalui akar2 kayu yang menghubungkan gunung-gunung terapung di Pandora. seriusly, aku pun terus2 terpikir, macam mana lah kalau aku yang buat field work kat sana.

yes, aku dah terpikir nak buat field work di Pandora. sangat cantik dan sangat bahaya. aku bukan lah suka sangat adventure ni, tapi sometimes or most of the times, my work required me to do outdoor stuff.

Pandora, sangat cantik. walaupun CGI, well...

4. skrip Jake Sully.

"kini semuanya sudah terbalik, seolah-olah disini ialah mimpi, dan disana ialah hidup sebenar".

sesuai untuk penagih2 FB, blogger addict. (macam aku).

yang aku tak suka pulak.

1. Stereotyping.

hollywood besar, orang ramai, idea banyak, duit banyak, tapi penyakit yang sama ini masih menular stereotyping. stereotype macam drama gerak khas, seperti penjahat mesti pakai baju jaket hitam.

Kolonel yang kuat dan gagah itu sangat kuat, jahat, garang, tengkorak calar pun masih hidup, bahu terbakar masih boleh melompat2 membunuh makhluk. stereotype nya pula ialah dia Caucasian.

Orang Pandora, rambut dreadlock, macam manusia cuma dia alter2 kasi warna biru. Orang Pandora macam orang asli. Sesungguhnya, akal manusia masih tak tercapai macam mana bentuk makhluk luar planet bumi ni. kalau korang tengok movie2, still makhluk tu ada 4 limbs. 4 limbs ni big event dalam evolution, (ok... I better stop kan... nanti jadi kelas bio pulak).

makhluk2 pandora. Ikran dan Toruk tu macam Binatang dalam LOTR, ala yang Nazgul naik tu. badak sumbu pandora macam badak sumbu bumi.

orang pandora percaya dengan Eywa.. bagi aku Eywa ni mothernature. most of natives in Asia, Africa, South American, percaya dengan animisme, mother nature, paganism... so ini adalah stereotyping juga.

2. predictable.

jalan cerita sangat predictable.

3. Marine, Marine, Marine.

apasal la kalau buat movie yang ada askar, mesti askar dari core marine. selalu sangat puak Jarhead ni di highlight. apa core lain tak hebat kah? airforce, navy, army... etc etc...

eh, korang tahu, si Horatio Caine tu pun ex marine. Danny dalam siri Las Vegas tu pun ex marine, watak haram jaddah si John Cena pun the Marine juga. entah apa tujuan lah buat cerita pasal bini Marine kena culik.

Nasib baik dalam JAG dia highlight Air Force. ok sikit.

4. Michelle rodrigez

gila menyampah aku dengan perempuan ni... entah kenapa.

apa pun aku suka movie the Avatar, berjaya membuatkan aku rasa nak buat field work di Pandora. ok lah kot, remind me a lot The Abbyss. Tapi The Abbyss, lagi cool kot, sebab cecair yang boleh buat bernafas dalam air tu... hehehe..

aku dah terbayang tajuk paper, Mosses of Floating Mount of Pandora. sambil2 collect moss, Ikran terbang2 kat belakang 2-3 ekor.

ok, I sound pretty nerd already. I see you.


Friday, January 1, 2010

Selamat Tahun Baru 2010

Malas aku nak buat recap 2009. Last night, the moon was so awesome, marvelous. seriously, Bulan Di Pagar Bintang. Malam ni, hujan.

Best wishes to all.