MEH LAH KLIK...

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

BismillahirRahmannirRahim.

Tiada Tuhan Yang Di Sembah Melainkan ALLAH, Dan Nabi Muhammad Itu Pesuruh ALLAH.

Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku Ampuni dosaku, ampuni dosa kedua ibu bapa ku, ampuni dosa keluarga ku. Kuat kan lah Iman ku kepada Mu. Sabarkan lah hati ku, Kuat kan lah hati ku. Tenangkan lah jiwaku, Tenangkan lah fikiran ku, berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk menghadapi segala dugaan mu. Hanya kepada Mu aku menyembah ya Allah, hanya kepada Mu aku memohon pertolongan.

Jauhkan lah aku dari godaan syaitan, lindungi lah aku, kedua ibu bapa ku dan keluarga ku dari godaan syaitan, lindungi lah kami semua Ya Allah. Berkatilah hari ini untuk ku, untuk kedua ibu bapa ku, untuk keluarga ku, untuk kami semua.Hanya kepada Mu aku menyembah ya Allah, hanya kepada Mu aku memohon pertolongan.


Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Sunset of 2009-Sabah.







p/s: forgot to rotate =).

Monday, December 28, 2009

Al-Fatihah

Takziah kepada Ustaz Osman dan keluarga, atas pemergian anakanda mereka, Mohd. Bilal bin Osman. Semoga roh Allahyarham di cucuri rahmat.

Al Fatihah.
......................

Ustaz Osman used to serve as a teacher in my former school, he was also an Imam in school's surau and taught students to read Quran. The family was part of Membakut big family, especially among teachers.

I was in the same class with Ustaz Osman's first son, Mohd. Baihaqi, from 1998-1999. Arwah Bilal was a couple years junior. Mohd Baihaqi moved to his father's hometown when he was 15, and the whole family moved few years later. Me and Baihaqi were good buddies, but lost contact since.

My sister attended the same school with Baihaqi's sister, a boarding school in KK. They two are still in contact.

Arwah Bilal was involved in an accident on his way back to his campus in Perlis. He was among 10 of killed.

click here for detail of the fatal accident.

Al-Fatihah.

p/s: young soul return to The Creator, reminds us how short this life could be. Stay in love with your love ones and value what we have.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Laporan Harian Perkhidmatan Celcom dan Lain2 Hal

Perkhidmatan Celcom Jalurlebar pada hari ini secara perbandingannya adalah baik sekali berbanding hari-hari lain. Lampu pada modem saya, walaupun kerap bertukar warna dari merah ke hijau ke biru ke biru muda, tapi pada kebanyakkan masa lampunya ialah biru dan biru muda.

Berhubungan dengan itu saya tidak memaki Celcom sekerap hari hari yang lain. Oleh itu Celcom saya berharap perkhidmatan anda akan menjadi bertambah cemerlang setelah saya berusaha menghabiskan bit bit dalam komputer untuk memuji perkhidmatan kamu walaupun pada hakikatnya kamu hanya golongan sederhana di pentas global.

Sebagai pengguna, saya memaksimumkan penggunaan internet saya pada hari ini sampai satu habuk kerja tidak siap. Siapa tahu internet laju cuma pada hari ini. mungkin? harap tidak.

Lain-lain hal.

1. Penjagaan Kesihatan Awam.

Saya berharap perkhidmatan penjagaan kesihatan awam akan dapat dipertingkatkan ke taraf yang lebih baik di Malaysia. Pernah dahulu saya mengikuti kelas kursus Asas Insuran, pensyarah itu berkata insuran-insuran asas seperti insuran kesihatan dan lain2, tidak begitu laku di Malaysia, walaupun sepatutnya insuran asas adalah keperluan. Pensyarah itu juga berkata, maka tak usah lah mimpi insuran salah amalan professional (yang biasanya di ambil oleh doktor dan peguam) akan laku. Untuk rekod, saya hanya datang kelas itu sekali saja, saya gugurkan kursus, dan mengambil Bahasa Jerman untuk 2 semester.

Adalah memedihkan hati apabila melihat ibu mendukung bayinya turun dari bas, berjalan beberapa ratus meter ke hospital, dan terpaksa menunggu berjam2 lagi untuk mendapat rawatan perubatan. Adalah menyeksakan untuk seseorang yang sakit gigi terpaksa membuat temujanji berbulan-bulan sebelum giginya dapat dirawat. Rawatan gigi swasta terutama yang melibatkan pembedahan pergigian adalah amat nerakha sekali mahalnya. Bayangkan anda sakit gigi dan menunggu berbulan-bulan, silap-silap boleh tersepak muka mertua sendiri, almaklum lah sakit gigi.

Saya masih berharap dapat membuat braces gigi di klinik kerajaan. kerana sudah puas saya kumpul duit untuk buat braces di klinik swasta, tapi duit itu asyik digunakan untuk membeli makanan. Lagipun, tak kan kerana braces saya sanggup berlapar. Belum ke tahap itu.

Yang berkaitan ialah, membuat satu polisi atau apa2 saja, untuk membolehkan insuran kesihatan mampu diperoleh oleh semua orang. Ok, semua orang mungkin terlalu utopia. Hampir semua atau let say, 50% dari populasi Malaysia. Boleh? jika Malaysia ada 27 juta penduduk (tolak warga asing, pilak, pendatang haram, GRO haram), dan 50% memiliki insuran kesihatan, maka itu bermaksud 13.5 juta penduduk Malaysia ada capaian untuk penjagaan kesihatan yang lebih baik. ramai juga tu 13.5 juta.

2. Pengangkutan awam.

Saya juga berharap pengangkutan awam boleh dipertingkatkan kecekapannya. Saya benci menunggu bas berjam-jam. Bilakah masanya ada sebuah syarikat pengangkutan awam yang mempunyai slogan "Now everyone can ride and enjoy public transport". Perkhidmatan pengangkutan awam bukan lah semata-mata hanya cantik di dalam iklan, atau gambar, atau brosure perlancongan. Akan tetapi wajib juga selesa, berkesan, menepati masa secara hakikatnya.

Dengan adanya pengangkutan awam yang lebih cekap, maka kurang lah beban ibu yang mendukung anaknya ke hospital kerajaan yang berjalan kaki beberapa ratus meter dan menunggu beberapa jam untuk mendapat rawatan.

Bayangkan, jika pengangkutan awam dan perkhidmatan kesihatan semakin tinggi kualitinya di Malaysia, maka dapatlah diringankan beban ibu-ibu yang mendukung bayi mereka untuk mendapat rawatan di hospital awam dan menggunakan pengangkutan awam untuk ke sana.

........

Mungkin aku nampak caca marba dalam post ini, tapi scene ibu mendukung bayi ke hospital sambil beberapa orang anak mengikut di belakangnya selepas turun bas, is what I saw almost everyday and truthfully it is heartbreaking, especially when raining or the sun is just too blazing hot.

Sometimes cruel me, said; "If you are poor dont produce progeny". It is not like I hate poor people. But I hate to see those kids suffer, in poverty, even to see them walking under hot blazing sun, crossing heavy traffic (dan di Malaysia ni, our road is full with arsehole drivers),
is enough to make me sad.

We cant stop under privileges people from have kids, so how? make facilities affordable for them. So they can have well, less miserable life.

Most of the time I do think, memberi makan, pakai, sekolah kepada anak adalah tanggungjawab ibu bapa bukan kerajaan or Yb, or whatsoever. We put lot lot lot of attentions to education system, which is good. But how can we educate a kid who walk for 2 hours to school with empty stomach? Do you think his or her parents would care about their kid's Maths test, when they can barely feed the kid? you tell me, me myself is not really functional when my stomach is craving for food, let alone starving and walk for 2 hours. Do you expect a kid like this will pay attention to the Maths teacher? Try once, starving and walk for 2 hours and then do a level 3 sudoku, then you know.

We dont need more NGOs to walk and do demo on the street because of political issues or human right issues (my foot) or they doubt whether a pious in appearance man is capable to put his penis into another man's ass. What we need, more and more NGOs helping under privleges people and their kids, to have a better life. We need more NGOs or should I say lawyers with heavy pay cheque to help these kampung folks, help them to enhance their economy, so they can feed their children well, and the children are not starving in their Maths class.

p/s: I am still waiting for a day when I have gut to ask a stranger to hop on my car, so I can drive her and her baby to the nearby hospital.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Am I Stupid?

Whatever I do, usually I have to do it twice or more. Like, when I go to somewhere, usually I have to patah balik, to check whether I locked my door or not. When I do laundry, I have to ulang alik to my room, because always I left something here and there, from berus kain to kain2. and the list go on.

Am I stupid? paranoid? or clumsy? or what?. Remember when I was labeling my specimens, oh my, it was like hell. I dont have steady hand. I repeated the same procedure about 4 times before move for next. I rarely cut the paper straight in first attempt. I am not neat person, flaw is makanan harian. even when I do something which has no room for tiny mistake.

I need to re-do my chapter 4. And it is a lot. It is not hard, but a lot. because I left 2 genera in my previous key, and I need to insert one new addition. I have already succesfully inserted the new addition, but for two others, I cant do it properly now, for I dont have proper literature, my specimens, and microscopes in my room. Oh I wish I can go to the lab now.

I checked my list before. Printed. Salah. Corrected. Checked. Printed. Salah. Again. And now I need to repeat all those. Again. This vicious cycle really eat me alive. Same thing goes to my drawing but in harder situation which I am not willing to share here, literally hurt me. but some people call ini lah belajar. Learn from mistakes.

I dont know why a clumsy like me stuck in a field which required me to be more accurate, or neat, or conscientious or something of the same effect?. I handle pretty small creature. It is hard for clumsy, loklak, butterfinger like I am.

This field is like a big mirror to me, show me my inability to be accurate and neat. In science, accuracy is must.

It is hard.

....................

This one is special for Dude.

Dude, when you feel so in love, please do try hard to keep it private. A little display of affection is considered as sharing of happiness with others or may be romantic, but over doing it is simply annoying. No need to tell others how much you love your partner everytime you update your Fb status. I repeat, EVERYTIME. and It is appeared in newsfeed. Tell your partner in person how much you love her. enough. no need to share it with the whole world.


Cruel person will simply delete you from his/her friend list. but I am not that cruel. Keep it cool, Otherwise, people will wonder, whether you are loaded with testosterone or estrogene.

public display of affection is sooooooooooooo lame.

.......................

on Fb update,

I am deleting user with absurd username in my friends list. Please use your real name or your real nickname, or proper nickname. Puteri ayu, Night drifter etc etc is big no no to me. Go to friendster or my space.

...........................

I dont amuse with people who constantly asking other to belanja them. I hate such thing. I know it is good to treat your friends for lunch or dinner, but constantly asking "bila mau belanja?" is simply my pet peeve.

Personally, I malu when a friend pay for my meal. Because I know, I cannot afford to balas balik (belanja balik) he or she anytime soon. What I like is, we share the bill or separate the bill.

Aku tak belanja orang, kerana duit aku enough for myself. So, I rarely ask people to belanja me. Last time when my school buddies paid for my tea, I felt uncomfortable. Macam next time I bertanggungjawab to return their favour, even they never ask anything, it was not big deal at all to them, but for me it was.

Once in a while may be, minta dibelanja ni boleh lah dianggap sekadar bergurau. then ok lah. But constantly? oh please grow up!.

ingat tak kalau orang pergi mekah, kadang2 orang yang tak pergi pesan macam2; kain telekung, korma nabi, tasbih and so on. kononnya sebagai buah tangan dari Mekah. Bila saudara atau kawan kit pergi mana2 what we hope for them is they come back home safely. So tak payah mengada2 minta ole2, cenderamata, cenderahati, bagai. Jika diberi, ok, ambil lah. Tapi tak payah nak pesan2 semua, especially yang pesan air liur.

And being me, I dont really bother to buy people at home cendrahati, cendera kenangan whenever I travel. If any, sikit2 lah.

ability to afford your own meal is indeed a blessing. Dont waste it. and why not instead of asking others to belanja you, you yang belanja others.

Friday, December 25, 2009

just a note

When I read a paper sent me via email just now, I remember saw submerge Fissidens species near waterfall of Sg. Gabai, Selangor somewhere in 2007 (or may be end of 2006). I was with my friends, had a picnic because we were about to graduate soon. But I didnt collect the moss, with assumption it is common. Plus, I was there for a picnic not sampling, and of course I didnt want to look like a nerd. It is very small, but I was sure it is Fissidens, I could see the vaginant lamina (Yes, vaginant, not vagina, it is unrelated, not even close).

In paper I read just now, submerge moss is uncommon in Borneo, but there was new species of submerge Fissidens found in Kalimantan back then. Now I kind of regret for not collecting submerge Fissidens in Sg. Gabai. Lets hope it is common species.

On latest update of my dissertation, I found one or two moss which hadn't been found since 30-60++ years ago. Interesting isn't it?. well, I know it is not new record whatsoever, but still, I think it is important finding.

I have one more genus as addition to my collection, which beforehand couldn't be identified. Means, I have to reshuffle my identification key for genera. Which is not really amusing. I like the finding, but I hate to reshuffle the key. It is tedious.

Merry Xmas 2009.

Merry Xmas to friends. I dont celebrate Xmas, but i like the festive atmosphere. especially in nearby shopping mall.

enjoy your holiday, enjoy your meal, but dont drink and drive.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Weekend recap

1. Gathering

I had blast with my ex classmates and had too much drink. apa boleh buat minuman favourite bah tu. walaupun tidak ramai yang datang, but we managed to have great time. pertama kali aku ikut gathering dengan kawan2 sekolah ni. selalu memang nda ikut, or nda tahu. anyway, Thanks to Siang (Chris Lee), yang bayar bil 7 jugs drink tu, waiting for your next homecoming. He will off to Philippine on 29th, before back to OZ. Aku minum macam ndak sedar, glass after glass, abis 1 jug kali. Ice lemon tea, Favourite!. Sprite with ice, I like~. Coke, ok lah. siap buat cocktail lagi aku. Coke with lemon garnish and ice lemon tea with sprite.

Extended thanks to Yanti and Shamsul. yang sudi belanja minum di Old Station. Lain2, Lina, Rin, Awin, Azli, Yusuf, Rod, Danny. next time lah jumpa lagi. dorang ni ada yang last time aku jumpa masa form 5, masa ambil result spm. jumpa juga dengan my long lost buddy, Awin. padahal sekampung tapi baru jumpa after 6-7 years ni. took picture with him. Aku rasa last time kami begambar sama2 would be when we were 14 (or 15?). about 10 years ago. nah... macam tua pula sudah. Tiada kamera, kamera hp pun jadi lah kan. ada juga kenangan. ada gofren sudah si kawan (who is also my friend).

actually last time aku bercakap dengan orang face to face (except pelayan kedai makan or cashier McD) was last thursday. Lepas jumpa dorang ni (sabtu tengahari) baru aku bercakap dengan orang, before call telefon saja. so aku ada "masalah untuk reconnect" sikit masa mula2 jumpa kawan2 ni. sorry lah ya... numb sikit. Lama nda jumpa orang. Tapi with minor adjusment ok jak lah. mau warm up jak bah tu.

Looking forward to jimba-jimba with them next time.

2. Wedding wedding and weeding.

Tahniah untuk Azeyla, sorry tidak datang majlis kau. Faham-faham lah jauh kan. Tahniah juga kepada kawan dari sekolah menengah dulu Faizah yang kahwin hari ini, sorry juga nda datang majlis kau.

Earlier, Fadilah dan Arfazilah juga kahwin. Fadilah kahwin about week earlier than Arfazilah. Majlis Fadilah di N9, dan Arfazilah di KM, Sabah. sorry i didnt attend both. Tengok gambar di Facebook saja. Majlis Arfazilah nampak sangat meriah, wa... warna warni, mengikut adat.

Tahniah kepada anda semua, semoga berbahagia selalu. Nanti2 kalau jumpa, kenalkan lah dengan your Mr. Beatles to me. jangan malu2 ah...

3. Clumsy damsel in distress.

haha... ok, I went to lunch, sampai tempat lunch baru sedar kunci bilik tiada. ahh... sudah, confirm tinggal dalam bilik. ini bukan first time ni, masa UKM dulu, 2 kali aku pecah pintu sebab tertinggal kunci dalam bilik. so aku makan tengahari dulu lah. kalau aku ndak makan, nanti tidak boleh fikir straight macam mana mau selesaikan masalah. Lepas setel makan, (yang aku makan pun memang asal makan saja, sebab mau setel hal bilik).

Balik, aku cari2 maintainance, tiada, jenguk sana sini tiada sesiapa. hari ahad. so aku call felo blok. yang part ni bikin panas, aku saja call, sebab aku mau tanya mana tahu dia ada di blok, so boleh lah tolong call someone atau suggest something supaya aku tak smash tombol pintu tu. Dia cakap dia di Labuan. dia cakap aku cuai, so she let me rot(?). I admit to her, it was my fault left my key in the room, what I was trying to do is menyelesaikan masalah, bukan mau entertain sesi soal siasat. aku tanya juga, (politely) kalau2 dia ada suggestion, contoh: call this number, atau cari felo sebelah, or something alike. but she suggested to me, either, aku tunggu sampai esok (tunggu ofis buka) atau aku smash pintu tu sendiri (which my next option nda payah call dia pun). The former is completely kinda stupid out of mind suggestion. since, my computer is running, I couldnt left macam tu saja. itu belum masuk di mana aku mau tidur and so on (which not really a problem, but kalau someone else yang rumah jauh, how?). this justify she is stupid.

Part panas ialah, bila dia tanya kenapa aku tidak checkout. aku jawab, aku dapat kebenaran Hep untuk tinggal sini. then she said "ya kah kamu dapat kebenaran?". mau saja aku jawab, "iya lah bahlul, apa kau ingat dari mana aku songlap mau masuk asrama at the first place if there was no approval from Hep". but i didnt. just convinced her more or less, I had Hep approval.

Felo, I am Paying Client. I repeat, PAYING CLIENT. I paid to stay here. Already paid the bill. Next time you want to question me, please notice, I am not squatting. Felo yang tidak bayar yuran untuk menumpang di bilik felo should has no right to question those who pay to stay. clear. i said menumpang, means, it is you who is squatting. not me.

so, i made another phone call, to Yanti (Luckily I met her earlier, and got her number), asked her to send me Kudu's number, from Kudu, I asked another number, Kudu gave me 2 numbers, I called Boy, but he (yang baru bangun tidur atau tidur), told me to call Sam. I called Sam, then begged, literally begged him to come here, and open the door for me. Sam and Boy are working with the company yang buat maintenen. Kudos, they are just few phone calls away.

I had little difficulty to explain who am I, I literally re-introduce myself to these guys yang sekampung, and went to same schools with me. since, memang lama nda jumpa, so cant blame them. anyway, Sam came, with his friend. all the way from Kuala Menggatal, about 15 minutes (?) or so driving. They are technicians so they good in their job. wallla... my door opened. Tipped them, for bersusah payah datang hujung minggu, semata2 pintu ku terkunci. Thanks a lot guys.

on side story,
since, ini bukan pengalaman pertama terkunci bilik. and such case happen often di asrama. I just know how the Felo would react. They fucking dont care. They try to ignore. It is not their problem. let you rot. this problem is simple. few phone calls should boleh selesaikan masalah remeh temeh ni. but in my case, the felo choose to be ignorant. and questioning my status as tenant

tapi alasan felo ni selalu nya, dorang tidak dibayar untuk bekerja and take care the block and the tenants. they just volunteer. but, they are staying without paying, for free here. sepatutnya ini win-win situation. tapi felo yang macam ni, tinggal mau free, but they are not willing to contribute in return.

Dulu pun case felo macam ni juga. well, felo dulu lebih teruk, dia ni sesuka hati keluarkan nama pelajar dari list layak mendapat penginapan. well, nama aku pernah excluded, (tapi managed to solve the prob) dengan alasan aku tidak aktif aktiviti blok. but i did participate aktiviti kolej. the felo said, aktif aktiviti kolej wasnt enough, i need to participate with her activities. This felo pernah maki budak dalam bilik dia sebab budak tu berhati/berjiwa PAS. and lot lot lot of tengkings and jerits. Once, she woke me up at 3 am, suruh aku bertugas jaga blok masa pilihanraya campus, while I informed her earlier, I had class at 8 on the next morning. and she said she just dont care. I must bertugas. tugas apa? tugas jilat bontot? I think she herself can do that jilat bontot duty on her own. actually not just me who were affected. ramai lagi. celaka juga felo masa ukm dulu ni.

padahal, aku yang bayar yuran asrama, dia tinggal free saja. Those who are not willing to contribute, please jangan mengada mau jadi felo. Felo ada tugas (I think they know better scope of their duty), jangan tinggal free and try to avoid to preform your duty. I dont care walaupun kau ada pangkat besar, preform your duty. dan jangan belagak dengan orang yang pay to stay sedangkan kau tu tinggal free.

........
thats my weekend story. in conclusion, it is good to have friend(s).

Friday, December 18, 2009

Salam Maal Hijrah 1431

Semoga di rahmati selalu.

Harapan: Berhijrah dari status pelajar ke status graduan. soon.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Burung terbang jangan dipipiskan lada. Lastik.

Tiada mood sangat. Makan pun tak lalu. Tapi aku makan juga. Cuma sekadar makan. Kenyang pun kenyang, just I dont enjoy it. I am worry. Aku risau bila selera makan aku hilang. Kawan aku pun pelik kenapa aku tiada selera makan. seriusly. Aku pun pelik dan takut.

Inilah yang aku namakan the void, kekosongan, hollowness, empty atau depresi(?). Aku rasa. Aku taip 2-3 ayat untuk kerja aku, aku online 10 minit. Taip lagi 1-2 ayat, aku online. so sudahnya dalam 6 jam nak dapat 4 perenggan pun tercungap-cungap. Selain tiada selera makan, sendi ku sakit dan sengal, mungkin berkolerasi dengan cuaca hujan dan bekerja dalam air cond. Nasib baik ada yoko-yoko. Tadi kepala pun rasa berat, aku tidur kejap lepas maghrib, lepas tu ok. Tak kan nak sapu yoko-yoko di kepala. Nak mampos?

Kerja bukan lah sesusah mana. Cuma liat nak disiapkan atau aku liat nak menyiapkan. makin aku buat makin aku rasa macam loser. kalau tak buat, double loser. either way, still loser. Orang ramai hanya nak tahu kau habis belajar, grad, pakai jubah konvo, ambil gambar dalam studio. How about the story behind? hanya yang tahu saja yang tahu.

Nasib baik lah 5 minutes drive away ada sekelompok manusia yang sanggup menghadap muka aku and my story (read: crap). Sekurang-kurangnya my social life is still beeping. walaupun sudah menggunakan talian hayat. Aku cuma swing to menjadi lembab dan void, atau marah dan maki hamun. Ironiknya, marah dan maki hamun tu ada passion, walaupun api, maka aku rasa less hollow.

I need to find the right filling, thats all.

Broadband celcom, aku terima seadanya. Aku dah penat memaki printer yang hang, komputer yang lembab, asshole yang memandu di jalan raya seperti seekor asshole, jurujual yang kurang ajar dan celaka busuk. It is bad for my cardiac. sometime aku rasa jantung aku berdegup irregularly for no reason. Aku takut. Therefore, I spare you Celcom Bastardband. eh termaki juga. Redha? entah lah. Lebih kepada I had it enough.

Do you know how many people in my department quit or (forever) on hiatus during their final writing?(of course you dont darling). PLENTY. If we conduct statistical analysis on it, the outcome will surprise you. And those who cannot recover from their problems (or whatever halted them from finish their writing) will be let rotten, crush and burn in their unfulfilled dream. Yes, no matter how much money, time, tears or blood had been spent and spilled, they will gradually vanish and may be, if lucky, people will mention their names once in a while as bahan to kutuk, for example to the younger batch, with tag under their faces "Uncompelete Writing" . I wonder if the department aware about this. But even if they do, nothing much can be done about it. you cannot paksa kan... kononnya.

The journey, is backbreaking, and not just your back but also your heart, your moral, your self esteem, your wallet, your age, your time, your social life, your love life, your everything. There is no draw in this, either you win or you lose. You dont want to lose fighting, you want to win, you have to fight to win. This is the losing battle you cant afford to lose. Yes, when you are in the losing battle, dont ask people to wish you luck. Luck is not enough, you need miracles, a lot. Pray.

Finally, once again nature takes her course. Only the fittest will survive. and I will. I must.

P/s: apasal tiba2 hujung tulis english ni...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I Like You. Very.

Oh sudah ada Gofren.
=(

Mandi dan Sterika kain.

Dan sebenarnya aku sibuk. kerja mencekik bukan saja sampai paras leher malahan sudah hampir ke hidung. Tapi aku suka internet. Then so be it.

Ini aku ingin kongsikan luahan hati, buah fikiran, segala ding dong, yang biasanya terlintas semasa aku mandi dan sterika kain. Yes, I do quite a lot of thinking when I do both. Sudah semesti aku tidak boleh mandi semasa mensterika kain, dan vice versa.

Tadi di rumah di mana aku mencari sisa sisa kehidupan sosial yang sudah tinggal habuk dan serdak beberapa topik telah timbul. Senang cakap topik ini sentiasa timbul. Kerana iyanya lebih ringan dari sabut yang dicampak ke laut.

1. Kahwin.

Ini topik popular, juga termasuk dalam soalan-soalan default Puan Green Apple (kisah lain). Bagi aku siapa nak kahwin, kahwin. nak mampos, mampos. bukan?. jika anda masih terfikir2 nak mementingkan diri sendiri, seperti tidak mahu entertain mertua atau masih mementingkan shopping barang-barang yang tidak perlu seperti henpon mahal, henpon latest dan henpon mahal dan latest, dari susu anak atau pampers anak atau bayaran ansuran rumah, maka cadangan saya ialah jangan letakkan perkahwinan sebagai priority hidup. Ada baiknya anda fokuskan hidup untuk catch up dengan teknologi handphone terkini. Sekurang-kurangnya hanya hidup anda akan terkesan. Ibu bapa orang lain pun tak kecil hati.

Aku sebagai seorang orang, tidak tergugat dengan perkahwinan orang lain, atau boyfren orang lain, atau hubungan songsang orang lain yang tiada kena mengena dengan aku. Do it as you wish. Bila ditanya soalan default, jawapan standard (dalam hati) "buat masa ini tiada yang mewajibkan aku berkahwin, tiada yang menghalang". jawapan default bila kena tanya "belum lagi untuk masa ini". jawapan tak guna (juga dalam hati) "I am not that conservative" (hak ptuih!).

Bergantung kepada priority kamu. Jika kahwin adalah priority sila kan. jika tidak, terpulang. Pendek kata, Marriage is more than just a wedding, wedding would last for a weekend, marriage should last forever (or at least more than just weeks). atau dalam bahasa kita, "kahwin bukan untuk sehari dua".


2. Thesis, sambung belajar, pencapaian akademik gemilang dan menjejak langkah ke menara gading.

Thesis, sambung belajar bukan segala-galanya dalam hidup. Hidup lebih dari sekadar thesis, sijil, dan survive viva voce. Kembali kepada keyword kita "priority". Jika pencapaian akademik gemilang adalah keutamaan kamu (sekarang). Maka buat lah sehingga habis. bak kata orang "Jangan mulakan sesuatu yang tidak boleh ditamatkan".

Jika tiba-tiba anda jatuh cinta atau nak sangat kahwin atau nak jogak kahwin (rujuk #1), maka secara tidak langsung Thesis, dan sijil anda bukan lah satu keutamaan sangat. utama, tapi tak utama sangat. Pandai-pandai lah. Ramai orang boleh imbangkan dan berjaya dengan gemilang dalam keduanya. Ada yang terpaksa let go salah satu (selalunya thesis lah yang terkorban, sebab, well, perkahwinan lebih penting lah tu). Ada yang try very hard to put their legs in two boats which only later drowning when boats go to separate directions atau bila badai datang melanda. mampu letak lah kaki, tak mampu, pilih lah sendiri. You can always try. Dan ingat yang berjaya dengan gemilang dalam keduanya tu selalunya come with price, pengorbanan masa, duit, more or less kinda gamble with present and future.

kadang-kadang atau selalu juga, kita tidak boleh menang semua dalam hidup ni. kadang-kadang kalah, atau rugi. Jangan lah tamak. apa priority anda. Adakah priority anda adalah menjadi seorang tamak? maka tak perlu lah sembabkan muka anda ke bantal, kerana tak lama lagi anda akan jatuh tersembab dalam ketamakkan sendiri.

ukur baju badan sendiri.


3. Duit.

Nak duit, sila bekerja. Bila belajar ni kamu sebenarnya membayar, bukan dibayar. Sebab kamu mahu dan sanggup membayar untuk belajar(rujuk #2). Pastikannya berbaloi-baloi. Jika mahu.

Aku cakap duit, bukan 'untung'/'faedah'/'benefit'.
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apa yang aku fikir masa aku mandi dan sterika baju. ada banyak lagi. ini pendapat sahaja, penerimaan, tafsiran, terpulang. Sama macam bila aku cakap "kursus kahwin sepatutnya optianal bukan wajib". Ada orang setuju, ada tidak. Ada yang kata, aku berlagak konon2 dah tahu lah konon. Tapi sebenarnya aku tak setuju bukan kerana kursus tu kursus semata2, tapi where the course go. hasilnya. adakah kursus itu sangat berkesan? sangat membantu? membantu sedikit? berkesan lah juga? statistically proven?

Tapi di Malaysia ni biasalah, objektif tercapai atau tidak bukan satu masalah. Apa yang penting, bila ditanya "sudah berkursus kahwin?" jawapannya "sudah ustaz, ini sijilnya.". Ilmu itu di amalkan atau tidak, kau jadi suami yang baik, adil, berilmu, bertanggungjawab atau tidak, bagaimana? so what the hell happened with value of your sijil kursus kahwin. enough to pay lunches for a weekend? is not like sijil kursus kahwin will prevent cerai, nikah lagi satu or rujuk or suami lari, with or without benda2 ni semua akan sentiasa berlaku. yang patutnya bila dah berkursus kahwin serta bersijil, andai ada kes cerai, nikah lagi satu or rujuk atau kes berkaitan rumahtangga, boleh lah berlaku secara lebih proper, meminimumkan penderitaan.

ni ustaz ni, tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, jika ustaz, atau guru sudah tak kisah ke arah mana ilmu yang disampaikannya, adakah ilmu yang disampaikannya sampai ke jiwa muridnya?, apatah lagi orang lain.

kepada peserta kursus kawin, if you are old enough to get married, means you are old enough to preform fardhu ain kan? tapi tak apa, belum terlewat untuk belajar, walaupun sebulan sebelum nikah, atau setahun selepas kahwin. kan?

I am not ustad basher. Tapi, ustaz secara terjemahan terusnya bermaksud guru, atau sinonimnya muaalim (guru), atau alim (yang berilmu) terbit dari perkataan ilmu itu sendiri.

Aku nak kita semua lebih menghargai dan menikmati ilmu, bukan aku nak suruh korang boikot kursus (which you cant, sebab nanti pending lagi sijil nikah korang, masalah tu). I am not preaching, nak sharing saja.

yang mungkin juga lebih kurang masalahnya (mana nilai ilmu?) ialah kisah bahasa inggeris, bahasa melayu ni. (haahahahaha, aku dah melalut). Cikgu jangan mengajar nak suruh murid score A sahaja. Murid jangan belajar sebab nak score A sahaja. Ibu bapa suruh murid belajar dan guru mengajar sebab nak anak score A sahaja. Yang orang perlukan bila Murid itu dewasa dan terkial2 cari kerja (macam aku), bukan lah pasal dia boleh score A dalam 20 subjek. tapi perlukan dia berkomunikasi. Macam biasa, kertas cadangan baik punya tebal, perlaksanaan aku tak pasti macam mana, campur itu ini, drama sana sini. Hasil? hanya akan kelihatan selepas 11 tahun? Mereka bukan mencit, atau expendable lab rat. Mereka anak orang. atau lebih penting jika aku kata, mereka anak korang.

Experiments are subjected to error.
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Sunday, December 13, 2009

To someone from Oslo, Norway

Betul kah anda dari Norway?
Faham Bahasa Melayu kah? Selamat Bermusim Sejuk.

(aik, update 2 posts, hehehe.... senggang betul aku hari ni)

Long silence soon forgotten.

I am pretty busy lately. Luckily we managed to find loophole in the system. Therefore, I have a little bit more time to finish my work. Yes, I am capitalizing the loophole, dont blame me, blame the system.

I was kinda schadenfraunde yesterday. The pASSca announced the policy of reducing the fee for those who have already submitted their notice will be effectively abolished soon. I reserve further comment on that issue to myself.

A lot of things happened since the last time I wrote in this blog. Mostly regarding my study. I have publication now, an abstract, even though I am not quite satisfy with it. I know long way to go. but My goal for 2 years have been fulfilled, at least partially, which to publish something. I did. This baby step, hopefully will induce more publication from me in future. I have few titles in my mind already, but for now, I think it is better for me to put them on hold. Since I have a very big gauntlet ahead, pocketing my certificate within 1 month or less.

I have already wrote my acknowledgment last night. not very long, rather concise, last time I wrote full acknowledgment I just mentioned one name, the rest were mere generally mentioned. This time I put few names.

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To handle detoxification is a big hurdle. for the last couple of weeks or so, I have been enduring serious detoxification of internet. I try to handle it with more benefit activity; watching movies, The Sopranos, reading, and writing (which are good, I need to write, I must.)

I am happy, I read again, less and less time spent on scrollin' and lost in www. I havent finish my books. I have 2 books in queue now. On the lower note, I am worry about increasing frequency of my pilgrimage to the Holy 1B . Most of the time, because I need to eat something or to buy something, but I know I just give myself excuses, actually I just want to fill in the void. Before, the void was well occupied by internet, now, I need to find something else. Replacing one addiction with another, in my case, gives severe injured to my wallet.

The problem is not about my online life is disconnected, or I want to eat, or I want to shop. The problem is The Void. As long as The Void is there, all I need is to find the right filling.

p/s: lama tak blog, tiba-tiba entry macam haram.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Entah.

gila lah, kerja di makmal tak siap2. aku dah ngelat ke ehem ehem nak main internet. niat dihati nak check email. memang dah check pun. patutnya paling lama pun setengah jam. ni dah melalut2 dah ni. (tapi memang betul aku membalas email2 dan membaca email yang official bisnes tadi). bila lah aku nak subscribe broadband ni, apa pendapat korang broadband apa terbaik servisnya di Malaysia? kalau tak terbaik pun, kasi cadangan lah broadband yang servisnya yang ok dan tak haram jaddah.

oh ya, aku dah pindah ke NewYork. bye2 KF.