Monday, October 20, 2008

blogging at my own risk

this is blog. not just any blog. this is my blog

anything written in here is available for around the world to see and read. only it is reader own prerogative how to understand and to interpret. i open comment column for any comments. but most of my readers choose to be silent. which is ok.

anything can be blogged. about what and about, about politic, movie review, hatred, good and bad feeling. anything you may find under the sun. but not everything can be revealed. yes i blog a lot. quite a lot. but not everything in my heart my mind are put in here. it is not just harddisk needs to be uncluttered. mind also needs too.

if any of my entries are not mean to be shared. believe me, i wont put it as entry at the first place. i will keep it for myself. uttering on my lips before i go to sleep every night or morning. i wont make it for everyone to read here. as my blog address is displayed both in my fb and my fs.
just i care enough to not to reveal people's identity here. thats why i often wrote my entries with anonymous subjects or characters, or just put the general character as reference.

i must admit the high volume of narcissism in this blog. this is personal blog. which is written by me, moderated by me, read by me. thats why the tagline is 'Ensykopedia of scanteen where i am typing and you are reading'. may be once in while, i wrote about some other stuff but most of the time my entries were labeled as 'myself'. not everything about myself people may like. loath me even more if you know me. i wont try too hard being nice. because naturally i am not that nice.

it is in my responsibility to admit all my bad, wrongdoing, whatever offensive act that i have done and wrote in this blog. yes if some of you are feel offended by any of my entries. tell me. i will try to fix it. it is human nature to be self defensive. but if i did wrong, then i must admit it. if thing cannot be justified than it cant. so just leave a comment. i cant read your mind and feeling. help me to fix it.


in this blog i put the detector on the sidebar. from the detector, i know who come from where who kindly dropped at my blog. their virtual foot print will appear on the side bar.

i checked my blog quite frequent or too frequent. so it is not surprising, if the reader come from the same place (ip add). that is me. but if suddenly my hit counter slightly higher, but feed on ip detector is not detecting new ip add. so it is possible readers are coming from the same ip add.

like some people say, good news travel fast. well so do gossips and hatred. xoxo.

if kris, mom of kim, khloe, and courtney, could find her daughter's marriage certificate online, so such dissatisfaction like what i wrote in this blog is nothing. almost everything is available online. now.

so people, i just know (about what??? this is the part not everything can be revealed).

blog is more or less like a personal diary, where you jot down everything you want to jot down. the different is diary is put under the pillow only you (and possibly also your mom or whoever clean up your bed) read it. but blog can be read by whoever entering your add. except the private mode is activated.

again, i blog at my own risk just like you read at yours. just in case my entries are too offensive. it is advisable to stop reading any of those. i cant control people's feeling nor can i guarantee i wont hurt someone's feeling with vulgarism in this blog. i cant. i just blog. i dont really care about others except me. but i responsible enough for not blogging about sensitive issues that could get me into big trouble.

as hard as it may sound. i am sorry if you feel hurt with my entries or every contents of this blog.
sometime i just type, to chase out my anger inside me. this poor blog need to suck up every hatred, anger, or dissatisfaction i had and and my happiness too. i cant call people that i loved at 3 am and whine about everything i want to whine about. everyone is too busy to listen to my whining and bitching. and i whine more than a lot.

it is not in my capability to confront people lively about my every dissatisfaction. can you?. dont you feel dissatisfy at some point?. so to nursing that bad feelings, that bad vibe and help myself to sleep better, i blog. i blog a lot. i blog almost everything i want to complaint but i couldnt do it in the real world.

i blog so i can move on without uttering something i hate everytime i am in the shower, and think about what i dislike everytime i rest on my bed. this 'lepas geram' is my free therapy. doesnt really make me feel good, but yet may make me feel relief. a very tiny relief that i need.

most of the time, my dissatisfactions mentioned in this blog are left as archive. i let it go. yes just let it go. thing in the past that go straight to my archive. and unnecessary to be read and checked all the time.

i cant just shout at people nose those vulgar words eveytime i am tickled right?. so i blog. me can say something vulgar that i want, without saying in front of the subject lively. i will get over it after blogging. and we can be good human again. it is type of hypocrisy? yes may be.

honesty is the best policy. but the best is not for everyone.

there is level in any relationships that allows you to be completely honest and still maintain the good status of relationship. i have such relationships. but still, not my every relationships have reached that kind of level. so to maintain the good relationship from time to time pseudohypocrisy is needed for the sake of harmony. do you think it is pleasant or relieving if all of sudden you speak out everything in your mind and stomach in front of everyone you know lively on their face? for example: 'hey baju kau ni kan sudah lah kaler nda matching, nda lagi bersterika, muka kau berminyak, kau tiada kompak powder kah???? or ' tidak guna kau (tidak guna is soft version of cilakak) kenapa kau pakai kasut roda begitu. macam kau nda tahu jak itulah kasut yang aku paling benci mo tengok di alam semesta, macam gay saja kasut beroda tu kau nda sedarkah?'. or 'hoi perempuan (ceh ayat biasa tym bergado catfight) kenapa lah kau bawa jantan ni ke sini selalu. apa kau ingat ini tempat kau kah saja. suka2 hati bawa lelaki pigi sini' (FOR EXAMPLE). or asking something like, 'are you gay?. gay go straight to hell you know?' (homophobic statement). i obviously have no guts to ask my suspected gay fren such question. can you???

the result you may get is grade A of frankness and say good bye to the harmony. most of the time i just let go the A grade for frankness. hypocrite??? believe me if you do it lively people wont get over it. still there is no big guarantee, people will get over it if you say it via blog. like i said blogging at my own risk. may be it is your risk too.

blogging wont fix problem, but give you short relief. i want that relief.

all in all, i am human. i admit what i do wrong. i am fully responsible for whatever i wrote here. thus, i am sorry if i become to offensive. no need for you people to say sorry. believe me i get over it after blogging. may be you should blog too.

Viva la Vida
jlasyko scanteen

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